In the greyness and drizzle of one despondent dawn...

[culbutiri]

Characters: Nesir Aeser and you
Setting: Floor 20
Format: Prose but I will switch
Summary: Aftermath of being a drone.
Warnings: just event stuff and dark thoughts

When Nesir had seen the dress laid out on her bed she had almost lost her temper, cut it up and thrown it away. But she had forced herself to stay calm because it had been given to her to provoke that reaction, to make her lose control. And she wouldn't, she had put it on instead, transferring the poisons to the hidden pockets, and moving her daggers across.

She had never worn it before, it had been stowed in her trunk in the temple after Lotte had thrown it at her in anger, I had it made specially for you, and I almost had to bury you in it.

Only fitting that she should wear it now then, beyond death. A soul trapped, away from the natural order of things and kept, contained.

Theirs to do what they liked with. Nesir sat on floor twenty, at the edge of the tower, legs dangling off the side staring out into the fog and emptiness. She remembered every moment, the pain, the brainwashing, the feeling that everything was alright, her actions, what she had done, attacking, killing.

She had been controlled before, both as training and punishment. Her body a puppet. It happened rarely, for she rarely disobeyed, had never disobeyed before she went to the temple. Yet this had been different, because her mind had always been her own. She might not be able to speak, to move except on the whims of whoever was pulling the strings, but she could think, she could curse them silently, she could fight back mentally.

But even that had been taken away, her mind had been theirs, she had obeyed them mindlessly. Helpless, like a child, unable to fight back, not even wanting to...

And as far as she could gather there was no reason except that they could.

Causing chaos, it was a motive she could get behind but these were blasphemers, they worshiped no shadow god, they stole souls, they played with life and death itself.

Her life and death, her soul, her mind. She was more than a puppet, she had proven that. She made her own decisions, she was her own person. She was Nesir, she had made the name her own, she was Culbu. She had earned a name, and she had earned her free will. She was obedient, she was loyal. She didn't need to be controlled.

But these people played by no rules she knew and seemed determined to prove her wrong.

She would destroy them, she did not know how, or when, but she would. She didn't know if the shadow god could hear her hear, but she closed her eyes and pledged it, the destruction of this place, the blood of everyone who stood against her.

Comments

[prayed]

There was nothing worth seeing on this floor, even now--nothing, of course, except for the girl that was presently staring down into the cloudy void. With that thought in mind, Kyoko walked up beside Nesir. She said nothing at first, instead choosing to take a couple more bites out of her nutrition bar, as though waiting for whatever was so enticing about this place to floor to show itself. Finding that there was nothing hidden, she finally spoke.

"So, how long're you planning on just sitting there?" Her sentence came to an end with a loud chomp as she tore off another chunk of the bar.

[culbutiri]

Nesir turned at the voice, eyes still angry though they softened a little when she realised she knew the girl. The girl who had given her chocolate.

"I do just be enjoying the view." She shrugged, her voice bitter.

[prayed]

"The view, huh." Kyoko turned her eyes back to the murky, cloudy sky. There weren't any birds here to pass overhead, no airplanes to noisily cut through the clouds. It felt pretty desolate, really. It didn't seem like the kind of view a person would get attached to.

"There's not much to see."

[culbutiri]

"Exactly. They could no even be giving us anything to be looking at from our prison, no dreams of the outside world. Nothing to be tempting us. I can no be working out if it do be a kindness or a cruelty."

[notayoungkitten]

She approached quietly. She had not seen the girl since having come to her sense in the middle of strangling her. Ocelot remembered the pain well, and remembered not being able to do anything to stop herself. But the girl was the one that she was worried about. Ocelot did not want to be controlled, she would never again allow herself to be controlled, but she was also not the one who had attacked an ally. She couldn't be certain of course, but she had a feeling that it weighed heavily on the girl.

She moved closer to her, a hand moving to rest on Nesir's shoulder. The girl was like a daughter to her. She wasn't about to turn her away because of something Jason had done to them. She wouldn't allow it, not even for a moment.

[culbutiri]

Nesir jumped and stiffened when she felt an arm around her. She glanced to the side angrily and didn't relax at all when she saw who it was. They were perilously close to the edge and it wouldn't take much for the older woman to shove her off.

She should, Nesir might have, if their positions had been reversed. Maybe, except she sort of liked Ocelot, she was one of the very few people who didn't seem to be a complete idiot.

Moments past and she didn't find herself being pushed to her death, yet she couldn't bring herself to speak either.

[notayoungkitten]

She moved her hand after a moment, both arms at her side. There wasn't any need to push the girl off of the edge. That sort of petty revenge wouldn't cross her mind, especially for a person that she rather liked. "I don't blame you for what happened," she said after a long moment.

There wasn't any point in doing so, after all. She knew their enemy. Ocelot would save all of her anger and violence for Jason.

[culbutiri]

She nodded slowly but remained silent, in a way it hurt more not to be blamed. It was a recognition that she had been controlled and had all her choice taken away from her.

And Ocelot had been controlled too, she looked at the older woman's fingers, glad that they had been fixed when they were brought back to normal.

"I did no even be wanting to fight it, it all did be feeling so normal. I do be having the memories but it do be feeling like it did be happening to someone else."

[notayoungkitten]

"You were brainwashed," Ocelot said quietly. She had been the same way, mostly, with the added bonus of at times being fully aware of what was happening. It was bad luck that had made her come to enough to be aware that Nesir had been stabbing her, and that she had been attacking a girl that she had come to care about.

She was uncomfortably aware of how closely watched she was at the moment, glancing behind to see the drone watching her with a frown. Attacking it would be a waste of bullets. "It was probably in part a means of which to break us. We cannot allow ourselves to feel sorrow, even after hurting those we care about."

[culbutiri]

Nesir glanced behind as well, glaring at the units. They were annoying, and there seemed more of them since she had gotten used to normal. Either that or she was just noticing them more now...

"I do be knowing that." She didn't really feel sorrow... not completely. She felt bad for what she had done to Ocelot, the woman had been kind to her and she wasn't a light addled fool.

"They can just be stopping trying to break us, it do be being annoying."

And painful, but she's trying to avoid feelings at the moment.

[notayoungkitten]

Different people were going to react to this situation in different ways, that much Ocelot knew. She wasn't going to be giving much in the way of comfort for the sheer fact that she wasn't exactly capable of it, but she was comforting in her own way. Urging revenge and a return to control of a situation was the least that she can do.

"That it is. But they won't. I'm sure they'll try again."

Why was the real question. What was the point? Dax may have been interested in saving them, but it was evident that Jason did not care. His disregard for human life didn't bother Ocelot so much as his desire to make sure that the soldier was out of control of her own body.

[terreifying]

Heeee~ey, Nesir.

[Rei peeps over from behind her shoulder.]

You look pretty today!

[culbutiri]

[Nesir looked over at the voice and managed a tiny smile back] Hello Rei.

[And then blushed because she still didn't know how to deal with compliments.] Thank you... The dress do be being from home.

[terreifying]

Ooh! That sounds really good! You should wear it more often.

[culbutiri]

I did just be getting it...

[She shuffled a little bit, making room for Rei if she wanted to sit down, she didn't mind Rei, Rei was safe, she hadn't met her whilst she had been controlled.]

[terreifying]

[Rei plops down next to Nesir.]

You mean the administrators just gave it to you or something?

[culbutiri]

[She nodded] They did be.

How do you be being?

[terreifying]

Oh, I'm fine.

[Except for the occasional drone encounter.]

I guess everyone is fine now that the people Jason played with are all human again.

[chevalier_mal_fet]

[Lancelot has wanted company of any sort (save that of his Master) even less then usual since his--resurrection. The gory details don't trouble him, as he already knows himself to be a soul temporarily embodied.

He has been lingering in out of the way places, reading or simply watching the walls or the stars, or floating on the current of feeling that connects him with his Master. Lancelot finds himself uncharacteristically tired, in mind and body.
Easier then, to move about for the most part disembodied, flowing as a Black Fog where he will. Seeking solitude.

Which he will not find here. With Nesir Aeser.
Instead, he takes physical form in her peripheral vision, the better not to startle her.
The young woman seems easily as worn and discontent as he, if not moreso. When he speaks, his voice is low, confidential.]

Nesir Aeser. How fare you?

[culbutiri]

[She saw the figure appear and turned warily towards it, she relaxed though when she saw it was Lancelot. Not a threat, not yet at least.

However someone she needed to keep her guards up with.] I have been being better. But they have no been beating me yet.

[She tried for a smile, it came out exhausted but it was there.] How do you be being?

Apologies for this LATE reply!

[chevalier_mal_fet]

I am pleased to hear that you remain unbowed.
[Her smile coaxes a similar shadow from him.]

Has it gone hard with you of late, then?
I am ever as I am.

Though had it been any save you in this place, I would not have stopped.
I am in no mood for company-- generally speaking.

No worries <3

[culbutiri]

They did be feeling the need to be reminding me how much they do be being controlling me.

[She blinked, surprised that if he were in no mood for company that he had stopped to talk to her.] Do you be needing my help?

Re: No worries <3

[chevalier_mal_fet]

I do not, Nesir Aeser.
I find conversation with you-- undemanding. Pleasant, but far from meaningless.
[Lancelot's usual slight smile is rather worn, but he smiles nonetheless.

It disappears when he speaks of the Administrators.]

I am-- sorry to hear of your trouble.
Did you take this-- reminder to heart? Or do you feel more resolved to work against them now?
I cannot imagine that you take kindly to control.

[culbutiri]

[She tilts her head, she didn't think anyone had ever told her they liked talking to her before, she must be getting better at conversation.]

No one do be controlling me and getting away with it. [At least like that, her mind was her own.] I will be destroying them.

[chevalier_mal_fet]

[Lancelot's smile reappears as a grim version of itself.]
A laudable goal.

The do seem intent upon antagonizing some of the more powerful among the captives here.
I cannot think what they wish to accomplish by it, since it does not seem to have cowed all into obedience.

I myself was not controlled. Though several-- companions and acquaintances of mine suffered greatly.
Have you a plan, then, in service of your Goal?