you see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars;

[egotrigger]

Characters: Allelujah and open.
Setting: Floor 1 (Cafeteria), Floor 46 (flashlight level), Floor 81 (upper lounge), stairs in general.
Format: Whatever works for you.
Summary: Allelujah's… angsting isn't the word for it. He's depressed and disappointed about mindlessly carrying out orders. He's having difficulty coping with it.
Warnings: Mention of body modification/surgery/Jason being a dick. Also standard Hallelujah warning.


[Floor 1]

[Allelujah sits at one of the tables, a few of the nutrition bars in front of him. He has one open and is staring at it. He knows he needs to eat, but he feels sick to his stomach after what happened.]

[he takes a bite, slowly, and tries to keep it down. He won't be able to do anything if he doesn't have something for energy.]



[Floor 46]

[The stairs have vanished for him again. He hates this floor, hates it so much. The whispers and light touches keep making him jerk away, and he tries to control himself. It's no one, no one's there, it's not even Hallelujah…]

[But he's still pale as he reaches the stairs again.]



[Floor 81]

[There aren't many floors he feels comfortable on, but this is one of them. The sight of the stars calms him, makes him feel a little bit closer to home. It's hard to look at them sometimes - they're not his - but at least they're something. He'd like to start naming them, but he's not that creative.]

[He needs them today most of all. He still feels sick, frustrated, disappointed… he'd sworn to himself that he'd do everything he could to not just blindly follow orders, to not lose himself again. Not that he really could be anything but a soldier, but at least he has his own mind. Or did. He didn't even feel anything during that time he was changed… and he managed to change Hallelujah, too.]

[They were nothing but a mindless robot. Their brains were altered, and while he knows that he's been changed back, he can't help but feel terrified at a scientist who can do something like that. The things he'd been through at that facility had been bad enough, but this… this was beyond what he had experienced before.]

[He presses his forehead against the glass, trying to collect his thoughts. He doesn't know what to do. What can he do? It doesn't look like there's any way to kill him… or any of the others. Not when they can control this place so utterly…]



[Stairs]

[As Allelujah climbs the stairs, he's somewhat lost in thought. If there's someone else walking near him, he might not even notice them. That doesn't mean they can't notice him, though.]

Comments

[seekinganswers]

[Eight years... that's a sobering thought. Sheba swallows hard and tries to keep her voice even when she speaks again.]

...there's a way out. If there's a way in, then there's a way out. We just have to find it, somehow.

[egotrigger]

I know. I know, there has to be. I'm... I'm stronger than I used to be, I can help...

Sorry for lateness! Final exams are eating me alive.

[seekinganswers]

We all can. [She manages a very faint smile.] Maybe individually there's not much we can do, but if we all work together...

Where others are weak, you're strong. [And vice versa.]

I understand. <3

[egotrigger]

Exactly. There's got to be a way.

[But he still feels terrified, like he was as a child.]

[seekinganswers]

[She can understand the terror. Sometimes, she almost succumbs to it herself - other times, she does succumb. She tries not to think about it too much for exactly that reason.]

The Administrators have the answers, I'm sure of it. I wonder if they'll ever see us in person, again, or if they're too afraid that we'll find them if they give us too many chances.

[egotrigger]

I don't... like hurting people, but if they don't give us answers then we'll have to force them out. I just want to hlep everyone get back safely.

[seekinganswers]

I don't, either. I'm not sure how else to go about it, though... [She frowns.] They're very evasive when they do bother to answer our questions.

And their mental defenses are stronger than anything else I've ever encountered...

[The last bit is mumbled, mostly to herself.]

[egotrigger]

[He blinks a little at that last part.]

Mental defenses? You're...

[No. She's not like him. But he reaches out with his quantum brain waves anyway to see if he can find a connection.]

[seekinganswers]

..?

Wait, you know--?

[Well, that gets her attention. She looks puzzled, and for a moment she debates whether or not it's worth the risk - but curiosity wins out, and a moment later she reaches out with her Psynergy to see if there's anything she can hear.]

[egotrigger]

[His search doesn't return anything, but she can hear him quite easily... as well as someone else.]

['No. She's not modified like us, so she can't speak to us like we could to Marie...']

['That thing about mental defenses, though... what the hell was that about? She couldn't have - ... wait.']

['Huh? What's wrong?']

['She's reading our mind, asshole!']

[There's the distinct sensation of an iron wall coming down, blocking off the second voice and any thoughts of his entirely. Allelujah's just slightly puzzled.]

['... Is it true? Can you hear me - us?']

[seekinganswers]

[She raises an eyebrow at the second voice. That's... sort of new. She'd heard Asch's voice while reading Luke's mind, once, but from the sound of it this situation isn't the same.

And then that wall comes down. Somehow, she's not surprised. She's just glad the reaction wasn't as violent and off-putting as Zo's defenses had been, the time she'd tried reading his mind.

I can hear you, she thinks, because Adepts have been able to hear her thinking back to them while she's within their minds. Fonists have, too, perhaps because of the similarities between fonons and elemental Psynergy. But then it occurs to her that Allelujah is neither Adept nor Fonist, so she speaks aloud.]

Yes... it's true. I could hear both of you, until that other one shut me out. I'm sorry - I thought maybe you were like me and could do the same thing.

[egotrigger]

... Hallelujah. He's... my other self.

... Ah. Not exactly... but I can hear people who have had the same surgery I did. It was supposed to connect us in battle, but there's only a few people who survived that surgery. In battle I can usually predict the opponent's movements with it, though.

[seekinganswers]

I see...

[That... might explain why he's had experience being part of an experiment, then. Sheba carefully clamps down on her Psynergy and eases her way out of his mind. It seems almost unfair to invade his privacy now, when from the sound of it, it's been done so many times already.]

Do you mind if I ask what you mean by "other self"? I could hear him... he seemed different from you. I haven't really encountered that kind of thing before - two voices within one mind.

[egotrigger]

... It's called a split personality, multiple personality disorder, or dissociative identity disorder. It happens when someone's been through too much trauma - you hear of some cases from war trauma, or from seeing some other kind of horrific act. Basically, part of the mind splits off into another personality.

Hallelujah is... mm. He's violent, brutal, and bloodthirsty. I... have a hard time killing, even though I'm a soldier. He tends to take over during those times and fights instead... though he sometimes tortures people before he kills them. He's meant to keep us alive, no matter what the costs to others.

We can operate together - not in the way that the administrators forced on us, but with two minds we can think faster. I handle the planning and he handles reflexes.

[seekinganswers]

That sounds... really tough. [It's an understatement and she knows it. She looks down at the table and sighs heavily.] I know it doesn't mean much coming from someone you've only just met, but I'm sorry you had to go through whatever caused that.

[It certainly sounds as though Hallelujah is good to have around in a place like the Tower, but - that's not something she should be thinking. He's a person, not a tool.]

It sounds like you two are both really capable... [Her voice trails off.] But you're the one who's usually, um... [How to phrase it?] ...you're talking to me right now. I could hear him before by looking in your mind, but... it's usually like this, right? Not the other way around?

[egotrigger]

Yes. Usually he only comes out in combat situations. I'm capable of fighting on my own... but if it gets bad, he pushes me aside to protect us.

[seekinganswers]

I guess... that makes sense, if his objective is to keep the both of you alive.

[egotrigger]

Mm. He's... not at all polite. You should be able to tell the difference easily. We wear our hair differently, too.

[seekinganswers]

Yeah, I could tell from the way he talked in your mind...

[She tilts her head to the side and studies him for a moment.] I'm guessing he does something with his bangs, when it's him? That looks like it would be the easiest part of your hair to change.

[egotrigger]

That's right. When I'm in control, I have it this way - so our grey eye is showing. When he's in control, he covers up that eye, so our gold eye is showing.

[seekinganswers]

Your eyes are two different colors? [Sheba blinks. Heterochromia isn't exactly common in Weyard.] How? Why?

[egotrigger]

Hm? Oh, the heterochromia. It happens naturally in some cases. It's not unheard of. It can also be caused by certain diseases or traumas. I don't know which it is for me.

[seekinganswers]

I've never seen or heard of anything like it before...

[Which raises some questions about the differences in the genetic makeup of people between worlds, but she wouldn't know the answers anyway.]

Does it bother you at all?

[egotrigger]

Not really, but I almost never have both eyes exposed anyway. I imagine if I did I'd get more questions about it.

[seekinganswers]

So them being two different colors doesn't affect your eyesight or anything?