Ryoji Mochizuki / 'Mushi' (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
notsogrimreaper) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2013-04-23 06:51 pm
notsogrimreaper) wrote in towerofanimus2013-04-23 06:51 pm
we've come back here to rebuild
Characters: Ryoji Mochizuki and you!
Setting: Dorm 4-12 and Floor 96. Various floors for B.
Format: Any, I'll match you!
Summary: Ryoji's a bit broken down after recent events, and it seems that dealing with it alone isn't working, as much as he wishes it was.
Warnings: What you'd expect from a panicky, emotional teenager. Some blood and violence, and maybe some suicidal thoughts.
A: Dorm 4-12
[Once the modifications had been undone, Ryoji had ended up trudging back to his room. For a moment, it almost seemed as if he was still droned, from his blank expression and the slow, deliberate movements. Honestly, though, he had just shut himself down, deciding that feeling numb was better than feeling anything else.
Occasionally, bursts of emotion still flooded over the wall he'd hastily set up. After all, he remembered everything, and that included every person he had injured or murdered. It would have been easier on him if he had ended their lives quickly and painlessly, but for some reason, in that state, he was completely different from how he usually was, believing that suffering should be prolonged rather than cut short.
It was during one of these bouts of depression that he decids to check his trunk. As childish as it was to rely on that silly Jack Frost toy for comfort, it was soothing to hug that toy, to hold something, if only to reassure himself that he did still exist. He died and he still existed, as much as he didn't want to. Everyone else still existed too, right?
When he opens the chest, however, his eyes are drawn not to the cheerful plush Persona, but to something that hadn't been there before. They look like some red bits of stone. Bewildered, Ryoji reaches over to grab a piece, turning it over in his hands... until he spots that outline chiseled onto the rock.
He stares, and Minato's unseeing eye stares back at him, though it is splattered with blood that has dripped onto the toy he was looking for.
Ryoji tries to muffle his sobs in his pillow instead.]
B: Various monster floors
[It seemed like a lot of people relied on fighting the creatures around the Tower to blow off steam. Ryoji did it occasionally too, if only because knowing that he was getting rid of something that could kill the residents helped make him feel that maybe he did have a purpose here. Maybe he could help sometimes.
Still, every time he stabs a monster, it's Diarmuid's face that is twisted in pain instead of a clearly inhuman face. It is Cecil's scream that he hears instead of a demonic screech. It isn't long before Ryoji has to retreat.]
C: Floor 96
[He knows it's a bad idea for him to come here, but he's careful. He doesn't stay too long. All he does is stay until the pain goes away. This time, though, even when the memories start to dissipate, he knows. He knows he should be sad, and guilty, and hopeless, but he just doesn't know why.
He knows he should leave, before he does permanent damage to himself, but he can stay for a few more minutes, right? Just a few more minutes, until he forgets the emotions along with the reasons behind them.]
Setting: Dorm 4-12 and Floor 96. Various floors for B.
Format: Any, I'll match you!
Summary: Ryoji's a bit broken down after recent events, and it seems that dealing with it alone isn't working, as much as he wishes it was.
Warnings: What you'd expect from a panicky, emotional teenager. Some blood and violence, and maybe some suicidal thoughts.
A: Dorm 4-12
[Once the modifications had been undone, Ryoji had ended up trudging back to his room. For a moment, it almost seemed as if he was still droned, from his blank expression and the slow, deliberate movements. Honestly, though, he had just shut himself down, deciding that feeling numb was better than feeling anything else.
Occasionally, bursts of emotion still flooded over the wall he'd hastily set up. After all, he remembered everything, and that included every person he had injured or murdered. It would have been easier on him if he had ended their lives quickly and painlessly, but for some reason, in that state, he was completely different from how he usually was, believing that suffering should be prolonged rather than cut short.
It was during one of these bouts of depression that he decids to check his trunk. As childish as it was to rely on that silly Jack Frost toy for comfort, it was soothing to hug that toy, to hold something, if only to reassure himself that he did still exist. He died and he still existed, as much as he didn't want to. Everyone else still existed too, right?
When he opens the chest, however, his eyes are drawn not to the cheerful plush Persona, but to something that hadn't been there before. They look like some red bits of stone. Bewildered, Ryoji reaches over to grab a piece, turning it over in his hands... until he spots that outline chiseled onto the rock.
He stares, and Minato's unseeing eye stares back at him, though it is splattered with blood that has dripped onto the toy he was looking for.
Ryoji tries to muffle his sobs in his pillow instead.]
B: Various monster floors
[It seemed like a lot of people relied on fighting the creatures around the Tower to blow off steam. Ryoji did it occasionally too, if only because knowing that he was getting rid of something that could kill the residents helped make him feel that maybe he did have a purpose here. Maybe he could help sometimes.
Still, every time he stabs a monster, it's Diarmuid's face that is twisted in pain instead of a clearly inhuman face. It is Cecil's scream that he hears instead of a demonic screech. It isn't long before Ryoji has to retreat.]
C: Floor 96
[He knows it's a bad idea for him to come here, but he's careful. He doesn't stay too long. All he does is stay until the pain goes away. This time, though, even when the memories start to dissipate, he knows. He knows he should be sad, and guilty, and hopeless, but he just doesn't know why.
He knows he should leave, before he does permanent damage to himself, but he can stay for a few more minutes, right? Just a few more minutes, until he forgets the emotions along with the reasons behind them.]
no subject
The fact that you just apologized tells me you don't want to hurt anyone. And that you won't, not if you have any control over things at all.
[Yukiko pauses for just a moment, trying to think of how to explain it.]
Back at home...back at home, my friends and I stopped someone who had the power to see and visit another world. It was a scary place, and if someone was left in there too long, they would die. The person we stopped was kidnapping people and intentionally leaving them in that world, wanting the Shadows to kill them. They did that to me, and if it wasn't for my friends - including one of the Shadows, who didn't like what was happening and wanted to change things, if you can believe that? I wouldn't be alive right now.
That person - the one that hurt people so cruelly - is here, and in this place. If I was talking to him right now, if it had been him that hurt me last week, I know that he wouldn't have apologized. He would be laughing in my face right now, instead, and probably boasting to himself about how great it was to have gotten a free pass to do all of that, because he wants to cause pain and hurt to other people.
Even if you did hurt me last week...I can tell by how you're acting right now you weren't doing it because you wanted to be cruel or to hurt me. You weren't yourself, and I - maybe I'm being naive, but I don't think your real self would intentionally hurt someone like that.
no subject
[His fear is replaced with confusion as he looks away, wondering how to explain his own situation, and compare it to this girl's. A Shadow that wanted to change things? Of course he could believe that, it sounded so much like him, but...]
I mean... my friends could stop the Shadows too. They were making people become sick and die, and so my friends tried to get rid of the bigger Shadows and stop it.
...The thing is, if it wasn't for me, those Shadows wouldn't exist. Not then, and not in the future when you were kidnapped. That horrible person? He wouldn't have been able to cause any pain. No one would have gotten sick, and no one would have died. Because of what I am, I almost ended your world... if what the administrators said is true, maybe I actually did...
Maybe I don't want to be cruel, but the fact is that I'm a Shadow. My real self only wants to cause death. If you get close to me, I...
[He remembers the stone fragments in his chest in the dorm and looks away.]
I shouldn't even be telling you all this.
[He doesn't know why he felt the need to blurt that out, but he does know that she needs to stay safe, even if he has to share something this difficult to explain.]
no subject
[And Yukiko shakes her head.]
Like I said, one of my best friends is a Shadow - he helped save my life. I'm not afraid of you just because of that. I confronted my own Shadow inside that TV world, too. You are a lot less frightening.
And I...I think, honestly. Even if you are a Shadow, you still have your own thoughts. You have your own heart. And you really seem like you want to be different, at least to me.
[She pauses again, and when she speaks again, it's with a soft smile.]
I left a piece out of my story. We had to wear special glasses in the TV world, because it was filled with this fog, so we could see well enough to fight. After a while, that fog started to spread out over the town.
The reason for that was that a goddess, Izanami, decided she wanted to merge the world inside the TV and the entire world outside, because it was better for everyone. We fought that goddess, and we stopped her. We made sure that didn't happen. She caused those Shadows. Not you.
[She smiles, and holds a hand out to him.]
I promise you that you didn't do anything to cause the world to end, no matter what those twisted administrators said to you.
no subject
I know I don't seem very frightening, but my other forms... they are. I guess I can't know how bad your own Shadow was, though. I actually still don't really understand how people have their own Shadows...
[He blinks when he hears that name again. Yu did mention her before, but it's still strange to think that she existed in that world as well.]
This is going to sound strange, but I kind of remember Izanami. She had the same goals that Nyx did, and I guess since I was part of her... somehow I remember.
[He is going to protest and explain that he must have caused it, but he's more preoccupied with the proffered hand. He wants to take it, but he's so afraid of what might happen if he does touch her. He looks between her and her hand, completely unable to make a decision.]
no subject
Teddie - my Shadow friend - said that everyone has their own Shadow because everyone has parts of themselves that they don't like, that they want to hide from the world - our weaknesses, or things we just can't handle. Those pieces of us become our Shadows.
I got the ability to use my Persona after I accepted my Shadow was a part of me. And my Shadow friend was even able to use a Persona eventually! So I - I know that no matter how bad things were. No matter if you were once a part of something bad...
[Yukiko steps forward then, and she makes that decision for him, catching one of his hands with her outstretched one, then giving it a squeeze.]
...you aren't anymore. You can be whatever you want.
no subject
I guess that makes sense... Still, I'm a Shadow, but I was created in a lab. I wasn't part of anyone else until a while later. I wonder how it worked for me.
But I was more than bad! I-
[Ryoji is immediately cut off when his hand is grabbed, and he almost tries to tug himself away for a moment, before slowing his breathing, eyes closed. The panic doesn't completely subside, but he has to admit it's nice, holding someone's hand. He hasn't gotten to hold a girl's hand in a long time, and honestly, he didn't realize how badly he had missed it until now.
He eventually offers a small smile, nodding slightly. The problem is determining whether it's genuine or not.]
I... I'll try to believe you, okay? It's hard when all I do is cause trouble here...
no subject
[Yukiko's expression turns softer, and there's a flash of sadness - for him - in her eyes when she hears the lab part. Knowing what she does about what happened to Labrys, about how she was forced to fight all of the other versions of herself over and over, and how awful that was...she can only begin to imagine the awful things that must have happened to a created Shadow in a lab.]
I - if I start to sound like I know all the answers to everything...I really don't. All I know is my own experience and my friends', but I know what happened to a friend of mine. She's not human, but she has a heart the same as the rest of us, and she was created in a lab. They did a lot of horrible things to her to try and get her heart to develop the way they wanted it to. I can only imagine what they might have tried to do to you, to make you feel the way you do right now, and it's awful. I'm sorry for that part, if anything like that happened.
[Maybe it was a little bit much, and now, Yukiko feels her heart beating a little bit faster, but she's definitely not scared. She gives Ryoji's hand another squeeze, and even if his smile isn't quite genuine, hers is.]
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes.
...like the one I've made just now of talking to you this entire time without making sure you even knew my name. [She blushes just a little.] I'm Yukiko Amagi. It's nice to meet you, even if we kind of already got to know each other without names...
no subject
[He lowers his gaze a bit, recognizing that pity, something which he doesn't deserve to have. Maybe it was sad, but he'd done more than enough bad things to make anyone dislike him rather than feel sorry for him. Maybe Yukiko was right, that he didn't mean to do it, but her recognizing that didn't make sense to him... He'd just always thought that humans would see the bad things, not the story behind them.]
A friend? What is she?
[He's doesn't think there's many out there like himself, but Aigis had been created in a lab too... and Labrys had mentioned they were siblings.
That doesn't matter. What matters is reassuring Yukiko that he really is okay now.]
Honestly, though, you don't need to worry about me. I didn't have any human thoughts or emotions back then... so if they did anything that hurt me, I don't really remember how it felt, or even everything that happened.
[He remembers the major events, and he supposes that having pieces of his being escape from him must have been painful, but he can't say for sure how bad the pain was... Sometimes the nightmares like to fill in the blanks but he can't take that as truth.
He suddenly realizes she's introducing herself, and he blushes, chastising himself for not being polite.]
I-I'm sorry, I should have mentioned my name before... I'm Ryoji Mochizuki. It's nice to meet you too, Yukiko-san... a-and I really am sorry for everything.
no subject
I'm definitely not a leader or anything like that, not the way he is.
[The truth of the situation has been pretty clear to her from the beginning, from the moment he looked at her with that open panic. Yukiko can understand feeling guilty about things, but that kind of pained look just hurts to see. She knows she can't just make all that go away, and she's not going to try, but at the same time, she can't and won't stop treating him like any other person who's been through hell.]
She's an android. Her name is Labrys, and she's here in the tower. I can introduce you to her, if you ever want to talk to her about it. It might help to have someone who's been there to talk to, even if you don't entirely remember it.
[She shakes her head when he says not to feel bad for him. It doesn't work that way.]
That's easier said than done. I can't sit back and - I guess it's one of those things where even if I know what happened didn't have anything to do with me, I can't help but feel bad knowing that it happened to someone else. And I can't not worry about my friends!
[Because, in her mind, you can't go through a conversation like this one and not wind up realizing you've made friends with the other person already.]
Even when people say I shouldn't. It's just one of those things, I guess.
[She can't help a sheepish giggle when he blushes.]
You don't have to say you're sorry for that, Ryoji-kun! I was the one who just kind of started talking to you about all of this without telling you who I was, after all. So really, that was my fault.
[Yukiko catches a glimpse of their hands out of the corner of her eye, and she blushes again. She's smiling, though; she won't say it out loud, but it's nice.]
It's all over now, and we're both okay. That's the most important thing, right?
no subject
Don't put yourself down, alright?
[Yeah, he's a bit of a hypocrite, but he's hoping Yukiko won't point that out. He's not used to talking about his own good qualities.
Mentioning Labrys, however, distracts him easily.]
Labrys-chan? I know her. We met when I first got here too. I actually knew her sister, Aigis.
[...And he can't believe that Labrys is still spending time with him after what happened between Ryoji and Aigis, but that's not important right now.]
I haven't actually talked to her about that, though. I thought she might've gone through something similar, but I guess I just didn't know how to bring something like that up.
[He's a little disappointed, but he can't say it wasn't expected. It seems that everyone he's told has continued to trust him anyways.]
It happened a long time ago now, and I still did terrible things myself. I don't think I can stop telling you not to worry about it.
[He manages a wry smile.]
I guess maybe that's one of those things for me.
Oh, it's not your fault! You were just trying to see if I was okay... Thank you, by the way. I know I can be hard to deal with.
[His smile becomes a little more genuine, and he shyly squeezes Yukiko's hand, though whether it's to reassure her or himself, it's hard to say.]
We're both okay. Right.
no subject
[She looks down at her feet for just a second. She's really not used to talking herself up.
Yeah, she's just gonna jump on the subject change, too.]
You know her sister, too? They're both really something...I never would have guessed that neither of them weren't actually human when I first met them.
[Yukiko thinks she gets it, at least for Labrys.]
I think it's still kind of hard for her to think about, and besides Labrys, I'm the only one who's here that even remembers the whole incident where she met everyone else. It's in everyone else's future, or they aren't here yet. She doesn't have a lot of people she can talk to about it.
[Yeah, she's just gonna go ahead and explain that, too. Might as well.]
See, we couldn't seal off that whole Shadow world inside the TVs entirely, because doing so would have cut us off from our friend. Anyway, someone - and we still don't know who it was, but we were trying to find out when I got brought here - dumped her in the Shadow world. So, when she got put in there, her Shadow came out, and set up this weird tournament where we all got forced to fight each other using our Personas. I think that's why mine isn't the same as it was before. I don't know all of the details, but she said it was like what happened to her back in that lab...
[She hums a little bit, thinking.]
Maybe tell her that I told you that you two aren't all that different, if you do decide to talk to her? I'll take the blame for this one.
[It's her turn to give him a wry little smile.]
Sorry, Ryoji-kun. Worrying comes with the territory for me. You can ask anyone from Inaba about it, and they'll probably tell you the same thing.
[They'll probably also warn him about the giggle fits. And never to eat anything she cooks. Ever.]
You're welcome. And don't say you're hard to deal with, Ryoji-kun, because you aren't. Not at all.
[Her smile gets a lot softer and she blushes a little as she squeezes his hand back.]
Yep! We're here and we're both okay.
no subject
No, I couldn't tell either. I just thought Aigis-chan was a cute girl... that didn't like me. She'd always go on about how dangerous I am...
[He chuckles slightly. He knows why she said that, but it's still kind of funny, to remember how annoyed she'd get when she saw him enter the room.
But Labrys... whatever happened to her, it sounded really hard. Perhaps they haven't talked that often, but he does want to be her friend, and he does worry about her.]
I'll tell her. Only so I can help her, though. I don't want her to have to go through those feelings alone.
[He knows how Aigis was, how hard it was for her to feel in the first place.
He sighs slightly, but he can't hide the fact that he is kind of happy. It's nice to have someone looking out for him.]
Then as long as you don't mind me worrying about you too.
[He can't do anything else but smile at the rest of what she says. Not hard to deal with? The thought makes him relieved and excited at the same time.]