Kain Highwind (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ajealouswind) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2013-05-06 12:16 am
ajealouswind) wrote in towerofanimus2013-05-06 12:16 am
03 - Dusk, Night, and Dawn
Characters: Kain Highwind and OPEN
Setting: Infirmary, Library, and Dorms
Format: Prose to start, will follow whichever you prefer.
Summary: A brooding dragoon can only brood for so long, even if he has to be dragged away from it. Kain has apologies to deliver, and has built up the will to do so. Hopefully.
Warnings: None yet
Infirmary - Orange Collar Checkup
Kain had been having some exceptionally good bleak thoughts, up on that floor with the mountains and the snow and the wind, when suddenly he found himself being assaulted by units. Oh, yes, of course, he had fought back. But he had only gotten one good jump attack in before one unit somehow knocked him clear out cold. How, exactly, he wasn't sure. But he was awake now, in an uncomfortable chair, dazed and irritated. To add insult to injury, they had not only snapped his latest spear in half, they had left the pieces next to him, propped against his seat.
Had he really been doing this for so long? Had he truly lost such track of time? Well, now he knew what they did when you didn't show up for an appointment. But never the less, though they could take him from his mountain, they couldn't take away his right to brood. And brood he did, helm in his lap, scowl on his face, eager to simply be done with this.
---
Library - At A Terminal
At least there was one benefit to that forcible check-up. It had gotten him down to the lower levels of the tower without much danger. Which meant that he could have a proper breakfast, and spend a little more time familiarizing himself with the terminals. It was important, after all. He had been learning quite a bit. He had even figured out that if you held down that one big key, you could type with capital letters. Fantastic, that.
He had also been learning that he wasn't the only one to be feeling such guilt. Oh, he knew that he had not been the only one altered in his way. They had collaborated, or at least intended to. But their grief, their self-loathing, their desperate need to apologize to those they cared about... so many of them had poured that out on the network, and left a record of it for all to see. For him to see. It was an ocean of sorrow, and he was but a drop in it.
So he ate pancakes and drank tea, and re-read old messages, and checked for new ones. Betrayers, all of us. If we share the guilt, is it lessened?
---
Dorms, Room 03-01 - Late Night (Locked to Cecil Harvey)
He had spent one final day in silence and avoidance... but enough was enough. What use was penance if it did not fix anything? He was still broken, he still felt broken, profoundly so... but he should not wound others because of it.
He should not hurt Cecil any more than he already has.
And so he comes to the door of her door room, knocks once, and attempts to call her name. It doesn't come. His throat constricts, his mouth is dry. I should leave. What if she isn't in? Then I tried. I'll leave. A few more seconds, and I'll leave.
Setting: Infirmary, Library, and Dorms
Format: Prose to start, will follow whichever you prefer.
Summary: A brooding dragoon can only brood for so long, even if he has to be dragged away from it. Kain has apologies to deliver, and has built up the will to do so. Hopefully.
Warnings: None yet
Infirmary - Orange Collar Checkup
Kain had been having some exceptionally good bleak thoughts, up on that floor with the mountains and the snow and the wind, when suddenly he found himself being assaulted by units. Oh, yes, of course, he had fought back. But he had only gotten one good jump attack in before one unit somehow knocked him clear out cold. How, exactly, he wasn't sure. But he was awake now, in an uncomfortable chair, dazed and irritated. To add insult to injury, they had not only snapped his latest spear in half, they had left the pieces next to him, propped against his seat.
Had he really been doing this for so long? Had he truly lost such track of time? Well, now he knew what they did when you didn't show up for an appointment. But never the less, though they could take him from his mountain, they couldn't take away his right to brood. And brood he did, helm in his lap, scowl on his face, eager to simply be done with this.
---
Library - At A Terminal
At least there was one benefit to that forcible check-up. It had gotten him down to the lower levels of the tower without much danger. Which meant that he could have a proper breakfast, and spend a little more time familiarizing himself with the terminals. It was important, after all. He had been learning quite a bit. He had even figured out that if you held down that one big key, you could type with capital letters. Fantastic, that.
He had also been learning that he wasn't the only one to be feeling such guilt. Oh, he knew that he had not been the only one altered in his way. They had collaborated, or at least intended to. But their grief, their self-loathing, their desperate need to apologize to those they cared about... so many of them had poured that out on the network, and left a record of it for all to see. For him to see. It was an ocean of sorrow, and he was but a drop in it.
So he ate pancakes and drank tea, and re-read old messages, and checked for new ones. Betrayers, all of us. If we share the guilt, is it lessened?
---
Dorms, Room 03-01 - Late Night (Locked to Cecil Harvey)
He had spent one final day in silence and avoidance... but enough was enough. What use was penance if it did not fix anything? He was still broken, he still felt broken, profoundly so... but he should not wound others because of it.
He should not hurt Cecil any more than he already has.
And so he comes to the door of her door room, knocks once, and attempts to call her name. It doesn't come. His throat constricts, his mouth is dry. I should leave. What if she isn't in? Then I tried. I'll leave. A few more seconds, and I'll leave.
no subject
So long as you don't crucify yourrrself over whatever it was that those demons did to you, Knight. I can't pretend to know exactly what it was that may have happened, but I know your type. Don't seal all your frrustrations and doubt up in that helmet of yours, otherwise the guilt will cook you alive and I will take your pancakes.
no subject
My type?
[He looks away, to the half-eaten plate of pancakes, and forces a laugh.]
If you want them so badly, go right ahead.
[No he is not going to address the fact that she has hit the nail right on the head when it comes to his particular issues, why do you ask?]
no subject
Oie, hey. I didn't mean it like that--
[Man, she's crap with words... How to put this?]
It's just. I worrrked with a lot of good soldiers back in the day. Combat and strrruggle are no stranger to these eyes of mine, trust me. You learn to recognize these things, and sometimes it's all too easy to just turn a blind eye to a comrade who's in pain, simply because of how strong they are. But just 'cuz you're strong doesn't mean you can shoulder everyone's guilt, ya dumbass.
[Huff. There. Will that do? She hopes. She also hopes Kain doesn't intend to go around spreading what she's said about working with good soldiers. Springserpent's got a reputation to keep.]
And I'm not taking your food. Not when you're looking so glum in the face. I've got standarrds you know.
no subject
I have enough guilt of my own to shoulder. There's precious little room for the guilt of others.
[He clenched his jaw, as though chewing on the words he hesitated to say.]
...I had sworn that nothing like this would ever happen again. I failed. I was not true to my word.
no subject
So? You expect to come thrrrough this hellhole, or heck, any sort of strife unscathed? I don't know what you've been through, Kain. Truly and honestly I don't so let me clear that outta the way before I say this:
[Rather than halfway lay around in her chair, Mihli actually sits upright, arms crossed]
It's impossible for anyone, no matter how strong, to stay on top of the world to prevent shit like this from happening. I'm not saying you can't trry to protect your friends, or that you can't stand up against the demons that run this place. All I'm trying to say is that it's impossible to move forrrward without falling, and hell, you might even fall more times than you'd like.
[Sigh. Words.]
You-- We'll lose friends. We'll lose ground. We'll bust our tails more than we can count, and at the end of the day, honestly, I'm not sure when or HOW we'll get outta this mess. But the most imporrrtant part is that you don't do exactly what you're doing now. Blaming yourself and letting whatever demons you've got bumming around in that head of yours is the same as admitting defeat. You can't shoulderrr so much sin, so stop placing the blame on yourself like it'll solve everything, or that you deserrrrve it because it's your fault. Being used as a weapon does not make you the killer.
no subject
Dragoons do not fall.
[It's said quietly, through clenched teeth. She's tugging at the edges of whatever is keeping Kain tightly bound up and miserable, and evidently, it hurts.]
And yet this tower forces me to plummet.
[His eyes do flick away, for just an instant, and he takes a breath.]
What use am I to them? To her? If I can be turned against them again, and again, and again? It is better that I leave them be. It may not be my fault that I am fated to be evil's puppet, but blamelessness will not absolve me of the harm that I cause by daring to be near them!
[And he brings a fist down hard upon the desk, rattling the keyboard and the dishware.]
1/2
Bullshit n' Kittylitter! Is that what you think? Rreally?!
2/2
Don't fall? Have you forgotten? Last I checked, even Dragoons weren't above the general laws of physics.
[Well-- Not entirely, anyway. But that's not exactly her point. Give her a moment, she's getting there.]
Everrrryone falls, Kain. It doesn't matter who they are, what they're doing or who they're trrrying to protect. It's impossible not to. The important bit is that you've got the balls to stand back up afterwards. Do you really think this girl would be better off without you? Hell, you think your friends would be better off if you just vanished? Gave up because things were tough? Or have you forgotten that this hell isn't just your own? If you think this is solely your "punishment" alone, then you're sorrrely mistaken. Everyone in this hellhole of a prison is being torturred - to place the blame of this past week on yourself is damning. Not just for you, but for everryone you hold dear.
[She reaches over to place a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him]
What happened to you is not a sign of weakness. Get upset, get angry, yeah, but stop pointing that damned fury at yourrrself like some sort of weapon and instead use it as a means of focus. You AREN'T the enemy here, dumbass! It's THEM. And if you're tired of getting drrragged around like their puppet, giving up on your friends isn't going to make things any easier. The fact that we're all stuck in this place together with those demons is dangerous, but remember that you aren't the cause of this madness. It's them. So blame the Administrrrators if you'rre going to blame anyone, and for the sake of any and ALL the gods out there, don't push your frriends away! I don't care what happened or what's going to happen. They need you. We need you.
[She's serious. Moreso than she's been. Look, you've got her tail standing straight.]
So just stop. Stop. Shut up. And eat yourrr damned pancakes.
no subject
Her hand is not shrugged away, but he remains quite tense and stiff.]
I have sometimes wondered if they would have had far fewer difficulties without me.
[But he was there. And he was here. And 'that girl' was... was Cecil better off without him?
He was finally beginning to doubt that. Up came his hand, to gently remove Mihli's from his shoulder. And he managed a smile.]
...I will stop. I will. But I'm done with pancakes. For if she's not better off without me, I've kept her waiting entirely too long.
no subject
Go get 'er then.