towerofanimus | Finally, another party

Thank you.

[If Diarmuid seems a little pale, it's because he is still working through the emotions stirred up by his conversation with Kariya. The cheerful nature of the party is helping to sooth his emotions, but it is still going to take a while for him to completely settle down.]

I don't know if we really got anywhere, but we have at least talked now. That is more than we could say before.

[To startle Lancelot is no mean feat. He must have let his thoughts drift far indeed to be surprised by the Lancer.]

If you thank me for escorting my Master here, then you are welcome enough, Diarmuid ua Duibhne.
In truth, he did not wish to come, but if you have spoken, then this at least is well.

[With his free hand, he reaches out, taking Diarmuid by the forearm in greeting. He does notice the man's pallor, but declines to mention it, in keeping with what he thinks of as being the spirit of the gathering.]

I do wish you good tidings this Day, whether it be the exact day of your birth or no.

[Since that day-- outside the man's rooms, with the blood of his own Master staining his hands, his encounters with Diarmuid have all been rather dire in Nature. Lancelot is determined that it should not be so here. His manner is reserved, but seemingly open.

[Diarmuid returns the greeting with his own and bows his head to Lancelot.]

I thank you for that, but also for how understanding and patient you have been through all of this. It can't have been easy to be stuck in the middle especially since whatever I did to hurt both my brother and Kariya I probably also did to you.

[He pauses, closing is his eyes for a moment before continuing.]

Kariya in particular has been deeply hurt as you can tell, and it is going to take some time for things to smooth over. I will do my best to stay in contact with him, but also give him time to think through his emotions. Unfortunately, there is something I very much believe to be complicating the matter and I really do not know what to do about it.

[Diarmuid steps closer to Lancelot, his voice dropping in volume. It is obvious he doesn't want others hearing this part of the discussion.]

Lancelot, for whatever reason I believe Kariya is still feeling the effects of my curse long after it has passed from almost everyone else. I do not know why it is lingering in him so...unless he wants it to and if that is the case, I do not know how to talk to him about it without hurting him more.

You are his servant. Do you have any idea what is going on? Does Kariya actually love me beyond what the curse is making him feel?

[Diarmuid is terrified of learning this is the truth because while he cares a great deal for Kariya, he will never love him in that way.]

[Lancelot is not the man he was in life. In life he had been more joyful, less given to remember faults, more able to comfort a comrade in pain. The Black Knight has not fallen completely, but he has fallen no little distance away from himself.
He feels the pain of possessiveness as he never did in life-- and the slow seep of anger that comes with it. As much as he wants to see this resolved, as he wants for Diarmuid and his Master both to be comforted, it's with a certain relish that he speaks the truth. He knows it will not comfort the Lancer. But as his link with his Master has grown stronger, so has his desire, his right, to be all things to the Magus. He cannot see why Diarmuid, fine Knight though he is, should hold a higher place in his Master's Heart than he.

Diarmuid is close. They have not been so close since he truly comforted the man that Day. He feels a pang of loss at the memory, but the Loss is not that of Diarmuid. Lancelot understands all too well what Diarmuid's curse may do-- well enough that he knows his Master to be free of it.]

I am sorry to gainsay you, Diarmuid ua Duibhne, but I do not believe my Master to be under your spell. I believe him to be-- enamored of you.

My Master is a man of deep feeling-- what you say is true, he feels hurts keenly and long, and loves in the same way.
I have spoken long with him about this and I know not what may be done save to let time pass, as you say.

But I do beg of you, do not abandon him. No matter if it causes you pain to feel his displeasure. Only bear it. It lies with himself, as much as with you.
[Mean though he may have become in some ways, if telling the unvarnished truth can be considered to be mean, he would not tear a support away from his Master. Not does he truly wish to see Diarmuid suffer.]

[Diarmuid draws in a long breath as Lancelot speaks.]

You don't need to be sorry. Indeed, I thank you for speaking the truth. That is what I feared the answer to be and yet I could not make myself believe it without hearing it from another who was close to him.

[He looks at Lancelot, his expression steady despite the swirl of emotions in his eyes.]

I am not sure how I will handle this. That I will be honest with you on. However, you can be sure the last thing I will do is abandon him. I made a promise to him before you arrived here. I promised that I would always be there for him and aid him toward his goals. That will never change. Even if he decides he wishes to have no more to do with me, I will still do my best from afar to aid him.

I just pray it doesn't come to that. I...will miss him terribly if it does. We have been through much together.

[There is an involuntary twitch to Lancelot's shoulders. He is well aware of the Lancer's history with his Master.

Indeed, he does feel for the man, and does foresee a reasonable chance of resolution to this circumstance-- but he knows all too well that some things of this kind cannot ever be mended.]

So long as you do not abandon him, it will be well, I think. Only do not think to spare yourself the pain of his displeasure and all will be mended soon or late. You are kind-hearted, so this is not an easy thing for you to bear. But bear it you must if you truly wish him well.

I am-- aware that you have been of much aid to my Master in the past, and I thank you, Diarmuid ua Duibhne. But my Master has a Servant now-- and if he cannot have your Love, and does not lack for Service, then let him have your Friendship. This is all my counsel to you.

You have said that to me before...that I should not act to spare myself the pain of his displeasure. Even if I may have been doing that before, I assure you I do not do it now. My only concern is what impact my presence will have on his health as it is not good for him to have to deal with strong negative emotions for any length of time. This you well know. That we were able to talk so long and so openly today gives me great hope even if we did not seem to get anywhere. It did not tax his health too much and for that I am very grateful.

I will gladly give him my friendship if he wants it and while I cannot love him the way he may wish, I would be glad to give him the love of a brother should he someday be comfortable accepting that...

[Diarmuid pauses suddenly and gives Lancelot a curious look having noticed...something as the other servant had talked. Something that he can't quite identify but is sure is there.]

Tell me, does it bother you all I have been through with your master? That he is so close to another servant?

I would not say so, Diarmuid ua Duibhine.

[The words are stiff in his mouth. Diarmuid and his thrice-damned Curse will be his undoing. There it had started. He feels too much of late, and gives away too much of that in expression. Or perhaps it is the prolonged absence of his own Madness-- but whatever the cause, Lancelot is unused to being read so easily.

He has the presence of mind not to blush.]

It is merely that I-- take my responsibility for his well-being most seriously.
We are-- closely bonded here in ways that we were not able to be when I fought for him in my Madness.
The bond is fresh.

But I am-- grateful that you think to spare him pain.
My Master has few friends, it is true-- and I know that he does value your friendship. As do I.
I do say that I feel he will eventually shake himself free from the bonds he willingly wears. Only Time is needed.

[Diarmuid notices the slight stiffness in his tone but doesn't comment on it. He can tell that Lancelot is speaking the truth, just not all of it, and while he is curious as to what is going on in the other servant's mind, he also realizes that for now it is probably best not to ask. It would not be surprising for Lancelot to be struggling with his own feelings in relation to what had happened during the time Diarmuid's curse had been active and because he has been spending so much time trying to help Kariya it is also likely that those feelings are still very confused.

Diarmuid can only hope that Lancelot will take his own advice and when enough time has passed he will talk to whoever he needs to to sort things out.]

Time. That is what it always comes back to here, isn't it? The one thing we need and the one thing we so rarely get.

[He shakes his head.]

You are a good servant. It is odd for me to think back on how worried I was when you first arrived here. Just please be sure you remember something I told you back then. While taking care of him, do not forget to take care of yourself as well. Mental stress is a weakness for us all. If you need me to help out so that you can take some time to yourself, please do not hesitate to ask. And if I will not do for whatever reason, you know my brother will be glad to help.

Kariya's friends may be few, but we will do all we can to help both of you.

[Diarmuid names him a good Servant. It surprises Lancelot that he feels gladdened by it. Such simple words. It has been longer than long since any such pronouncement from one to whom he was not bound brought him any pleasure.

There is only one to whom Lancelot would speak of what is in his Heart, such as it is-- who knew him best in all the worlds and times, who would Care for him. But to see Her brought to this place would surely break him-- and so he keeps certain counsels to himself.]

I thank you for your words.
If I should have need of another, Diarmuid ua Duibhne, rest assured you will be first to spring to mind-- and your brother as well.

I will endeavor to remain strong in Spirit-- for my Master and for myself as well.

What of your Master, then? He is a most-- compelling conversationalist. How do you fare with him?
[Lancelot thinks Waver Velvet powerful, practical, and more than a little reckless-- and he is fond of the Magus, in his way.]

My words are merely the truth. Probably one you don't hear nearly often enough.

[Diarmuid gives Lancelot a curious look.]

You have talked with him since what happened? He...

[Diarmuid gaze drops and he blushes slightly, lips curling into a fond smile.]

This may sound odd but he is perfect for me. We are so much alike both good and bad, but we are not afraid to tell each other what needs to be done. I am told we were not always like that...or at least the version of me he knew on his world.

May I ask what you two talked about? Or was it something you would rather not discuss?

[Lancelot is well-satisfied with Diarmuid's reaction to the mention of his Master. Something unwinds within him and there is an easiness to his stance. He sips at his wine and offers Diarmuid a placid, if slight, sort of smile.]

I have indeed, at length and in this very Meadow. He is a Reckless man, but a Canny one-- qualities which are improved in the combining. It is a fine thing that you are so suited to one another.

It was not always so between my Master and I, but this place has at least given me this one boon, that we should be able to enjoy a true bond here. It is a novel thing-- for me.
This I did discuss with your Master-- as well as matters of a Magical nature.
[Lancelot asked the Magus if he felt the Mad Enhancement could be removed completely from his summoning spell-- not simply rendered inactive.]

There was mention of our previous encounter-- but we have both us left it behind.
As I hope you have done, Diarmuid ua Duibhne.
[Lancelot and Waver find the memory much more wrly amusing than Diarmuid would be likely to-- with this in mind, Lancelot makes sure to be as earnest as he is able.]

I have. I hold nothing against you for what happened.

[Indeed, if he places any blame it's on himself, but he doesn't even really do that now that his emotions have settled. What good will it do? Besides, there is more for him to worry about during that time frame than Lancelot killing Waver accidentally. Like...all that time he cannot remember during which he did things others cannot forget or forgive.]

I am actually happy to hear that there are no hard feelings between you two. It would be a shame for your relationship to be strained because of something that could not be controlled. As much as I want to be able to say I will always be there for him, after spending so much time here, I know there is no way I can promise that, especially since Waver tries as hard to protect me as I do to protect him. It comforts me to know that when I may not be there others like yourself will be.

[Though he knows that others servants who have masters like Lancelot or like his brother would put their master first over his own if it came down to that, in any other situation, he also knows they would do their best to see Waver stay in one piece through whatever ordeal they are facing.]

It is truly a shame that you cannot have that true bond when you return to your world, but maybe somewhere deep inside you will be able to remember and use that to fight for more control. It might be a foolish hope, but it is a hope nonetheless. It's odd, isn't it? For as terrible as this place is, there are many great things that we are getting to experience we would never have had the chance to otherwise.

I do trust you with my Master's Life, as you have guarded it so faithfully. I would indeed have a care for Waver Velvet in your absence, Diarmuid ua Duibhine. Verily, I would consider it my duty.

[Lancelot drinks thoughtfully from his glass of wine before answering Diarmuid's hopes and reflections.]

I fear I do not trust to hope overmuch-- I only do what I may, and so we shall see what may be.

But what you say is true of this Place. For all of its Horror, I am free within it-- and so I may stand in your presence and behave as if I were Living and Free once more. A Man like any other.

And I will continue to guard his life whenever the need presents itself. I have no doubt you will return the favor. That is another thing this place gives us. We are able to use our skills to protect more than just a single person. We are knights after all. While we may serve one lord and master, it has always been our duty to protect as many as we can.

I don't know that I trust in hope that much. Nor luck for that matter, but it does help to keep that little bit inside. It can help to keep you going. Once you completely give up on the chance of things being better, what is left to try for at all?

[Diarmuid's expression grows slightly bitter.]

I know it is foolish to be so angered by something we cannot control, but what they have done to us through the grail and the wars still upsets me. We heroes are men and women like any other. Many would say we are even greater than normal because of all we have done. What right do they have to force us to fight like this? To bow to their foolish commands?

[It's one thing to willingly give yourself to a master, but what had been done to them with the grail? It was all a lie. Their lives and their wishes were nothing to the magi who summoned them in most cases.]

Now that I know what I know, I would trade any wish on the grail for the chance to stand here and know you and so many other heroes as the men and women they were. If we aid each other, all the better. If we fight, we fight on our own terms. And yet, it cannot be that easy for so many have been forced to depend on the lies the grail and the war carry.

[He thinks of Kariya and he thinks of Sakura first, of course. But he also thinks of Rin.]

Sir Lancelot, forgive the change in topic, but do you speak much with Sakura and Rin? I know they are both important to your master.

[Lancelot tilts his head slightly, noting Diarmuid's bitter expression, mildly curious at the turning in the conversation.]

I will not say you are wrong to be angered. I too was summoned at the Will of one who had no thought for me save as a Slave. But I have long found it necessary to make my own honor where I could find none.
I do not speak of my Master of course, but of the man who goads him, and who holds my Master's hopes hostage.

I have spoken with both Sakura and with Rin, though the latter moreso than the former, who I have shadowed on occasion also. Why do you ask, then , Diarmuid ua Duibhne?

Yes, Kariya has told me of his family and the path they have forced him to take. It is people like him who I think of when I think of those whose lives have been so terribly altered by all of this--who have been left with no choice but to take the most horrible paths to try and attain their goals. It...did not have to be that way. It should not have had to be that way. I know he has become so much stronger for it, but...

[Diarmuid lets his voice train off not wanting to talk about the very likely death that awaits Kariya back in the war.]

Rin asked me to watch over Sakura for her, but I have to admit though I have looked for her I have not yet met her. It makes me feel better to know that you speak with and watch over her...over them...on occasion.

[He pauses, suddenly looking uncertain.]

I have been trying to help Rin because she is important to both Kariya and my brother, but right now she is angry with me and is currently not responding to any of my attempts to contact her. As you know, she is a little harder to track down than your master is. I will not give up, but knowing there are others to keep an eye on her during this time is comforting.

[The near certainty of his Master's Death hangs over Lancelot in a familiar fashion. Even should they triumph-- when they do triumph, his Master will likely fall upon making his Wish. Here, Kariya is stronger, and they share a Bond, but when they return to the War, Master and Servant, who knows but what might differ, and what might remain the same?]

I do track them, so far as one can successfully track in this Place.

[Lancelot raises an eyebrow. Who could possibly find fault with Diarmuid? Waver Velvet had not spoken of this.]
Why is it she should be Angry with you then, Diarmuid ua Duibhne?

[Waver doesn't really know about how much Diarmuid has been doing for Rin. In fact, he has told very few people how much he is helping her because Rin herself is so distrusting of others. However, with her being so upset with him, Diarmuid's worry is forcing him to be more open about things than he might be otherwise, and he trusts that Lancelot will not tell anyone about what he is about to say.]

I have been trying to help her ever since I arrived. Not only because she is important to people like Kariya and my brother, but also because I think she is a good person deep down. She just needs to find that person again.

[He sighs and looks down.]

It has been a very long road gaining her trust because of how often she has been hurt in the past, but lately I thought I was making some progress and then I realized that progress starting happening around the time my curse went crazy.

[Diarmuid takes deep breath and looks back up at Lancelot.]

I think you can see where this is going. I had no idea if she was starting to trust me because of me or because of my curse and as much as she has been hurt I could not risk it being the curse. I asked her if she could take some time to think about if her feelings were her own or if there was a chance my curse might be involved and things....well now she is not speaking with me. I hope that time will help, but I am less sure it will here than it did with Kariya.

[Lancelot regards the Lancer kindly, but without optimism.]

What is there that can be done, Diarmuid ua Duibhne? The Girl is a Powerful Magus and of a strong Will-- but more than that, there is something within her that resists such efforts.
I do not say this to dissuade you from kindness, but I believe you know it to be true. Whatever the cause, be it the Grail, or some Other Fell thing, there is a corruption within her that it not touched by Trust.

Were I in your place, I would not bear it as an attack upon you. Probably she bears you no ill-will, but dislikes being unable to control her emotions.

You are right in that, again. It seems you are so easily able to see to the truth of a matter. Why is that, Sir Lancelot? And shall I hire you on as my counselor from here on out?

[He gives the other servant a joking smile, before falling more serious.]

I suppose it is not me I worry so much about, but her. I know there is something dark in her. Something that defies reason and rejects logic, and I fear what would happen if something like this pushed her too far. Would she turn her anger loose on the tower? She is very powerful. I worry about all who would be hurt if she did just...

[Diarmuid doesn't finish the sentence. He hates to think of Rin falling that far and giving into the darkness within her, but as much as he wants to hope for the best, in this place the worst is much more likely to happen.]

[The Lancer's jest earns raised eyebrows from Lancelot-- and a wry turn of his mouth.]

I am fit to be no man's counselor, Diarmuid ua Duibhine.

Neither, perhaps, am I fit to comment on such a Madness...
but if she should run Mad in the way you fear, I wager it would require the strength of many Servants combined to bring her to heel.

It might be wise were we Servants who Care for Her to be prepared for such an instance.

[Diarmuid shakes his head.]

I think you give yourself too little credit, Sir Lancelot, for even as you say you are not fit to be a counselor, you give me yet another good piece of advice. As much as I may wish to prevent such an incident from occurring, it may not be possible. In that case, it is all we can do as those who care about her to end things as quickly and cleanly as possible. While I hate the idea of mercy killing, we both have come to know from firsthand experience that it is a necessary evil here no matter how much we may wish otherwise.

Finally, another party

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