Kirei "problems" Kotomine (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
god_damned) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2013-09-07 04:40 pm
god_damned) wrote in towerofanimus2013-09-07 04:40 pm
To see a world in a grain of sand
Characters: Kirei Kotomine and OPEN
Setting: The Dormitories (1-04). Floor forty-eight (the graveyard). Aaaand wildcard meanderings which you can happily place at your leisure!
Format: Brackets.
Summary: Kirei wakes in the Tower and explores his new surroundings.
Warnings: General disclaimer that Kirei is an awful person, discussions of suicide in his thread with Claudia, and specifics will be added as necessary.
Dormitories
[ He reads the letter, and he feels nothing.
What should he feel? Sorrow? Perhaps another person would label his utter lack of response as a state of shock or disbelief, as if he were denying the gravity of the message. However, while Kirei is reserved about taking those words as full truth, it is not a fool's hope which motivates him to such skepticism. What was lost in that world that he could mourn? Very little, in the end.
However, there is the War he left behind – and with it, he left behind the Grail, and his one chance to have his questions answered.
Perhaps it isn't nothing after all, but the feeling in his chest is not that of an honest man. But does it matter? Now, there is no remaining trace of his life save for a trunk of impersonal, unimportant things.
Regardless, he opens it, changes into his vestments, and exits into the hall. ]
Floor Forty-Eight
[ It is only natural that he finds himself in a place like this.
The graveyard stretches before him: like an echo of the world which he has been told is gone. He steps toward and kneels before a stone, trying to read its worn lettering with no success. It is difficult for him to determine why he makes the effort; perhaps he expects to see a name he recognizes.
Perhaps he expects to see his own. ]
Wandering
[ It is similar to the day he woke with the Command Spells, in a way, when he finds himself in this place. He was thrust into a world of unknown to him, of magi and their Holy Grail War. At the beginning, he had not understood his involvement in such a battle. Then, he spoke to Archer...
Perhaps this Tower is the same: he does not understand it now, but he can explore. He can discover more of it, and of himself.
But will what he finds favor him, or destroy him? ]
Setting: The Dormitories (1-04). Floor forty-eight (the graveyard). Aaaand wildcard meanderings which you can happily place at your leisure!
Format: Brackets.
Summary: Kirei wakes in the Tower and explores his new surroundings.
Warnings: General disclaimer that Kirei is an awful person, discussions of suicide in his thread with Claudia, and specifics will be added as necessary.
Dormitories
[ He reads the letter, and he feels nothing.
What should he feel? Sorrow? Perhaps another person would label his utter lack of response as a state of shock or disbelief, as if he were denying the gravity of the message. However, while Kirei is reserved about taking those words as full truth, it is not a fool's hope which motivates him to such skepticism. What was lost in that world that he could mourn? Very little, in the end.
However, there is the War he left behind – and with it, he left behind the Grail, and his one chance to have his questions answered.
Perhaps it isn't nothing after all, but the feeling in his chest is not that of an honest man. But does it matter? Now, there is no remaining trace of his life save for a trunk of impersonal, unimportant things.
Regardless, he opens it, changes into his vestments, and exits into the hall. ]
Floor Forty-Eight
[ It is only natural that he finds himself in a place like this.
The graveyard stretches before him: like an echo of the world which he has been told is gone. He steps toward and kneels before a stone, trying to read its worn lettering with no success. It is difficult for him to determine why he makes the effort; perhaps he expects to see a name he recognizes.
Perhaps he expects to see his own. ]
Wandering
[ It is similar to the day he woke with the Command Spells, in a way, when he finds himself in this place. He was thrust into a world of unknown to him, of magi and their Holy Grail War. At the beginning, he had not understood his involvement in such a battle. Then, he spoke to Archer...
Perhaps this Tower is the same: he does not understand it now, but he can explore. He can discover more of it, and of himself.
But will what he finds favor him, or destroy him? ]
no subject
I see. [ It's strangely easy to see her here, moving among graves. After all, he has always known her as being close to death. ] Was that your choice?
no subject
No. I was assigned to it. I... [She halts, seeming to struggle with herself for a moment, and then starts over.] The floor I pray on is only two above this one. I've been here for a little while now—a few months, really—s-so... I know a few things, at least. If you need anything, or if there's something you want answered, I can at least try to help you.
[It's the least she can do for him, really.]
no subject
Is she frightened of him? It would not be wrong of her to be. ]
Claudia. [ The way she speaks to him, offering help and advice, seems almost like a reflex. She is a generous woman, and she would offer that same assistance to anyone new she found in this Tower, he is certain. However, Kirei himself is not simply any lost soul; he is -- was -- the man she married. Her reaction betrays something.
Slowly, he loosens his grip on her hand again. He does not release her hand, but he does make it obvious that she may withdraw if she chooses. ]
Have you prayed for me before?
no subject
Of course I have— I mean, I've— I—
[Her fingers twitch against his hand, like she isn't sure if she wants to squeeze it or pull away. A second later, she withdraws, both hands settling in front of herself to wring the cloth of her skirt between them. It isn't that she's afraid of him; it's just that she feels small and ashamed and uncertain of all her decisions.]
What do you want to know? [She feels as though she should offer him some explanation, but she doesn't understand what the purpose of his question is. There are a lot of things she could tell him, about her life and about the time she has spent here, and she doesn't know if she wants to tell him everything at once.]
no subject
Did he pray for her, after she was lost? After her passing, many -- acquaintances of his father, and her family, for lack of his own -- reassured him that she would be in their prayers. However, there was always something unspoken hidden in their tone, lurking under their reassurances. It was doubt, for what she had done to herself left many to believe her to be damned.
More often than not, he would deliberately push her from his mind. There was a truth in her departure which threatened to unravel him if he thought on it too often. ]
You said you said no wish... did you see the end of the War? [ Did the Grail offer her some answer and purpose, like the Grail had for him? ]
no subject
[As she answers, her head bows.]
I did not.
[And that's all she says. She isn't a reticent person by nature, which only makes the curtness of her reply that much more obvious.]
no subject
In that case, he will not press her for more. ]
I will not speak of it, if it troubles you. [ Then, he offers after a moment: ] I did not see the end myself.
no subject
It's just—
[She struggles with herself for a moment, then tells him:]
I'm not proud of myself. I'm not as strong as you are. I'm not strong enough to be able to do what is required of me, or trust myself to make the right choices...
[Which, as far as she's concerned, is just proof that her taking the role of Master over him is some kind of mistake.]
no subject
[ It is an honest question. A different tone would make it sound accusatory or presumptuous, but he asks with legitimate curiosity. Is that truly what she thinks of herself, or is it simply brought on with guilt of seeing him again?
She says she is not as strong as him, and she is incorrect. He glances over her, and even if she is steadier than he remembers: standing tall and without support, there is signs of that frailty still within her. ]
Only physically.
[ Otherwise, he is a much weaker man, in ways which are dangerous to name. ]
no subject
[She doesn't like her physical weakness, either, and especially not in this place. It makes her a burden to others with no way to adequately repay them. Even when she tries to protect herself... Her expression pinches.]
I'm useless.
no subject
[ He states this simply, not in any defensive or chiding tone.
Where he follows blindly, without reservation, she wavers and holds herself back for her own personal beliefs. She would not accept an order to kill, the way Kirei does without hesitation, and that is because of her convictions being powerful in their own right. ]
You are mistaken.
no subject
[Her hands ball up at her sides, and she swallows.]
What good am I if I can't even serve the Church? Or if I can't do anything to help the people here?
[She couldn't save Kirei. She can't save anyone, not on her own.]
no subject
[ It seems impossible to hear this from her. She, who is nothing short of a saint, somehow finds herself weaker than him. She somehow believes herself less worthy than a sinner. ]
You are stronger than you realize.
More than I.
no subject
[She wants to remind him that the way she had faltered cost him his life—that she isn't the same woman he knows—but she falters there, too. She bites her lip.]
Forget it. [She shakes her head.] I don't think that's true, but it doesn't matter.
[Everything she admired about him was something she herself lacked, after all, so how can what he says be true?]