towerofanimus | Once bitten twice shy

It had taken Naminé a little while to convince herself to visit; after the whole experiment fiasco was over, she'd found herself with lingering doubts, especially about whether or not she even should be allowing herself to make friends. It was what she'd wanted, yes - it was the one thing that, over her whole lifetime, she'd never been able to stop craving. Regardless of whether or not it was right for someone with no heart to try to have friends, she couldn't deny that she was concerned about Ψiioniic. After all, he'd had it very bad when it came to experiments, and she could well remember some of the... disconcerting ideas she'd had about the surgery victims when she was under the influence of her own group's experiments. She hadn't acted on those thoughts, but surely she wasn't the only one who'd come up with such things. That aside, once she'd realized that her own effects were wearing off, she'd been eager to find out if he'd also been so fortunate. If that hadn't been enough to convince her, on top of that she remembered all too clearly how... fragile he'd seemed over the network.

Even if she wasn't sure she could never truly be friends with someone (no heart to accomplish such things with) she could still try to make things a little easier for him, couldn't she? What was wrong with that? ~~A lot of things, probably, but her concern for his immediate comfort outweighed her fears for his long-term comfort, at least for the moment.~~ So it was that she made her way to the hallway on the second floor of the dormitories, hands clasped uncertainly together and mind distracted.

He saw her coming, and immediately broke out into a wide, relieved smile. As crazy as everyone had gotten before he'd been killed, he'd been worried about the shy human girl. She'd seemed so defeated when he'd spoken to her on the network, and then he'd never had a chance to actually see her.

"Namine! Look, I'm back to normal," he said, gesturing at his grey skin, dual-coloured eyes, and doubled horns. "How are you? Are you okay? Did anybody hurt you?"

Naminé raised her head sharply, surprised to be addressed - she'd been looking at the ground as she walked and wasn't expecting to see Ψiioniic out and about in the first place. Once she saw him, though, her relief was obvious. "Ψiioniic...!" She hurried closer, smiling genuinely as she looked him over. He was good as new, apparently, and she was very pleased to see that that was the case. "You're okay!" That had already been established, of course, but she couldn't help saying it.

It was kind of ironic that he was asking her if she was alright. "I'm fine, nobody hurt me." Unless one counted the experiment... or that incident with the purple-blooded adult troll, but he'd only acted threatening, he hadn't ACTUALLY hurt her. ...All the same, she thought it might be a good idea to ask Ψiioniic about it (or perhaps warn him if he wasn't aware that such a person was in the tower) but that could wait. "I was part of one of the experiment groups but it-- it wasn't that bad." Compared to what happened to him, anyway, and she could still manage to smile as she said it, even if the smile was a little smaller. "I think that's why I was feeling strange. I'm sorry, Ψiioniic, I know I wasn't acting right before." But, more importantly, "What about you? What happened? How did you...?" 'Get back to normal' was what she meant; something going on in one's mind was one thing, but physical changes were entirely another.

"You weren't the only one acting strange," Ψiioniic told her soberly. "The whole tower lotht it's collective mind, ath far as I can tell. I wath... eventually killed, and for thome reason I stayed dead a week thith time, but finally last night I woke up and I wath completely back to normal. And so wath SS and Suzaku, thank the godth."

He'd been so terrified that he would return and find Signless and Suzaku still out to kill him. He really could not handle the idea of having his moirail attack him again.

She sucked in a breath. So she really wasn't the only one to think of such things. "Who-- killed you?" Although the mention of Signless and someone else whose name she didn't recognize being 'back to normal' insinuated that they'd been involved in the experiments too, and she could guess, but she also had to hope that her guess was wrong. Being murdered was one thing, but being murdered by a friend, especially a close one, was... something else.

"I don't... I don't really want to talk about it," Ψiioniic admitted, his voice a little shaky. He rubbed at the bridge of his nose, fighting one of his headaches. "I'm trying not to think about it much. They weren't... nobody wath acting like themselves. It wathn't really them who attacked me, and I don't want to be... scared of them."

Being frightened and wary of people like Sollux and Aradia and Suzaku would be hard enough.

Being frightened of Signless would shatter his diamond past all saving.

"...I understand." She let out a little sigh. If only she was better at not saying the wrong thing. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. That was thoughtless of me." That was what she got for not having a heart, she supposed, although she wished it hurt other people less. "I guess... since everything's back to normal, it'd be better to forget." At least, back to normal for now. She knew she was trying to forget how she'd felt, what she'd thought. None of it would do any good.

"No, it'th okay," Ψiioniic assured her, sensing from her tone that he'd upset her. "It was sort of the obviouth thing to ask." He reached out to her, smiling. "I'm really glad to thee you again, though. Especially since I can actually see you properly, now! Not being able to thee right was really disorienting." And more than a little frightening.

Her return smile was rather self-conscious, but a smile nonetheless. "I'm really glad to see you, too...!" Or, you know, as glad as she was capable of being. "I'm sure it's nice to see again." She wouldn't know what to do with herself if she couldn't see, but realized just in time that saying that was not exactly a good idea. In fact, saying a lot of the things she thought of saying seemed like bad ideas, now that she was inspecting them with a more critical eye. She'd opened her mouth to speak her original thought, but shut it again.

Ψiioniic honestly didn't mind when she just said whatever came to her, even when it was a litttle upsetting. She was so guileless it was obvious that she meant no harm by anything, so that made it impossible to hold it against her.

"It really, really ith," he agreed fervently. "And all my other powers are back to normal, too. For onthe, I was actually grateful to die! Though it'th starting to become a regular occurrence," he noted wryly. "That'th the third time since I wath brought here."

"--Wait, the third time...?" That was concerning; she only remembered hearing about one other instance, when he and Signless had gotten into trouble with the Condesce. By now she'd learned that violence was more common in troll culture than in any other one she was familiar with, but still, to have died three times... it was troubling to contemplate. The mention that he was grateful to die that time did little to comfort her, especially since it encouraged those rather concerning thoughts she'd had back when she was still under the influence of the experiment.

"Yeah, there wath the time when I killed myself, SS and the Condesce," Ψiioniic confirmed, "and then later I ran into my other previouth owner, Dualscar. He cut my throat when my Descendant came to try to get him to let me go, so I killed him ath I died to protect Sollux and Eridan."

He was completely matter-of-fact when talking about the battles. He would have been even if death were permanent, but the transient nature of death in the tower made it even easier to treat the violence as completely normal.

For trolls, it was just part of every day life.

Despite the matter of fact tone, the content was still a bit difficult to digest, and it was obvious in the way her brow furrowed. There were a lot of names and a term in there that she was not familiar with, and the name Dualscar in particular was quite distracting because she distinctly remembered that the troll she'd met on the aquarium floor had dual scars, but that could wait, even though it made her feel a little ill to contemplate. (What were the chances that it was just a coincidence?) "That's--...." She shook her head, not sure where to start. "...brave of you, I think. I'm... sorry that that happened. But-- what do you mean by 'Descendant'...?" His... child, maybe? But that was an odd way to put something like that, at least to her, although once again the culture gap could very well have been responsible.

Brave of him? Ψiioniic wasn't really sure how any of that counted as being brave, but he wasn't going to argue with the compliment. He just shrugged shyly. "Some trollth believe that the thame or nearly the same combination of genetic material might repeat itself over may breeding cycles, producing nearly identical trolls, generationth apart. With the exact same blood colour and the same sign," he tapped the large gemini symbol on his chest, "we'd be nearly identical in perthonality, as well. That's the theory, anyway."

He laughed softly. "I never really believed in it, but thince coming here I've met my Descendant, Signless's, and Dolorosa's. Supposedly Disciple's is running around somewhere, too. They're our Descendants and we're their Ancestors, because we were hatched a thousand sweepth before they were. And between my freakish mutationth and SS's, it'th pretty hard to doubt that there's some kind of connection, because what are the oddth that they'd happen again so far in the future?"

That was certainly a funny thought, and she could see why it might have been hard to believe. Although, she did have to admit that the resemblance between Roxas (and Ventus) and Sora was uncanny. Of course, it wouldn't have been surprising to discover that the three were even more connected than she'd realized.

There was another new name in this bit that she made note of, but still refrained from asking in favor of something else. She tilted her head slightly at the mention of 'freakish mutations'. Huh. Her slight confusion obvious, she looked Ψiioniic over very briefly as if searching for something she'd missed. She knew she was no judge of what was supposed to be 'normal' for a troll, and certainly Ψiioniic had some quite distinctive traits, but it hadn't even occurred to her that they might be in any way 'freakish' until the adjective was introduced. As for Signless, she couldn't even begin to guess what was so different about him in comparison to the other trolls. "What 'freakish mutations'...?"

"What..." he blinked and stared at her, his cheeks turning a dull shade of yellow as he blushed. Then realization set in. "Oh. Right, I guess it wouldn't be ath obvious to another species. I, ah, have a lot of doubled athpects. My horns, my teeth and tongues among, er, other thingth." His blush deepened and he hurried on to less embarrassing thoughts. "My eyes are weird becauthe of my vision twofold, and my brain ith... wrong. Which giveth me my powers, but also gives me nathty migraines. And not all my powers are thingth I enjoy having."

He wasn't going to get into the particular details of Signless' mutation, less obvious even to trolls unless you looked at his eyes. If she asked, he'd tell her, but the laundry list of his own mutations was probably enough for her to process. He shrugged. "They nearly culled me twice... onthe coming out of the breeding caverns as a wriggler, and again when I reached adulthood. But they decided I wath two powerful to waste," he added with more than a touch of bitterness. It was only his usefulness as a slave that had saved his life, and some days he wasn't sure he appreciated the trade-off.

"Oh...!" So those distinctive characteristics were more than just distinctive, apparently. Her eyes followed his words as he listed them and she only belatedly noticed the blush. Fortunately, her mind did not supply any possibilities for what 'other things' he might have been talking about. The look of realization that previously occupied her face made way for a very decided frown that looked suspiciously understanding itself. She wasn't entirely certain what 'culled' was, but it sounded entirely too much like 'killed', and the way it was used insinuated that it was, if not that, then something else quite unpleasant.

Her eyes drifted to the ground, and this frown was somehow different from the others. There was something a little bit inward about it. "...I know what you mean, about... abilities you don't want." Oh, she knew that entirely too well. Even if she was sure she'd probably find a sympathetic ear, she wasn't about to talk about her own abilities, at least not in detail. The limit she'd placed on herself still stood; the only way that she could be safe and keep everyone else safe from her own powers was if she didn't tell anyone, because if no one knew, no one could try to force her to use them or be forced to tell someone else themselves. In truth, she wouldn't have been surprised to discover that the people in control of the tower already knew, but they were not the only threat, and, at least for now, they hadn't tried to make use of those powers.

Her mouth tightened slightly as she thought. Her own powers had only made things more difficult, but... at least his own had saved him, if nothing else. She could understand the bitterness in his tone, all too well, "But I'm glad that they helped you stay alive this long. That's... something." The encouragement in that last part had more than one goal, it seemed; there were two people to encourage, after all.

"Yeah, it'th something," Ψiioniic agreed, smiling slightly and reaching out to stroke her hair once, gently. He hadn't missed the commiseration in her expression when she mentioned understanding unwanted abilities. He didn't know what she could do, and wouldn't pry, but if it was something they shared then it was certainly something to be sympathetic about.

"SS liketh to say that as long as we're alive, thingth can always get better, but if we're dead than they can never improve," he added. He left out his usual response, which had been 'yeah, but things can always get WORSE, too'. Now was not the time for his usual Mage of Doom pessimism.

Naminé was rather startled at the gesture, but despite her surprise did not move away. Normally, in her life at least, physical contact had never been a good thing. She knew that it wasn't like that for everyone, but she never failed to be a bit surprised when someone touched her. Even so, she was sure he had no intention of hurting her; if knowing him hadn't been enough to make her sure of that, the gentleness of it would have. In fact, it was actually kind of nice, now that she thought about it. Afraid that her brief pause and change in expression might have made him uncomfortable, she smiled back.

She was silently grateful that he had decided not to pry. At the quote from Signless, she nodded, and she kept smiling even though funny enough she couldn't help thinking the same thing that Ψiioniic left out. It was a nice thought, anyway. "He's right. That's a good way to look at things, I think." Now, if only she could manage to remember that when she really needed to.

Unfortunately, despite the belated smile, Ψiioniic couldn't really miss the fact that the touch had startled and initially maybe even upset Naminé. "I'm thorry," he immediately apologized. "It seems like all the humanth here throw themselveth at me in hugs all the time, tho I thought touching casually for comfort wath a human thing. Did I get it wrong?"

It was entirely possible there were complex rules he wasn't aware of that humans had for when it was and wasn't okay to touch each other. Probable, in fact. They were just so indiscriminate about it compared to what he was used to that it seemed overwhelming and omnipresent.

Perhaps if she was actually a proper human, it would have been easier to answer his question. As it was, her own lack of experience made her hesitate even longer than she might otherwise have in answering that particular query. The one thing she could say fairly quickly in the meantime was, "No, no, it's okay, you don't have to apologize. It wasn't your fault." His observation was in keeping with hers, it was true; the people here were... considerably more physically affectionate than anyone she'd been used to being around before... although, come to think of it, she'd seen many a memory that did involve a lot more contact than she had ever personally experienced.

"I've noticed that some of the people here act that way, but-- I guess I'm just not used to it." She shook her head, still running through her woefully inadequate first-and-second-hand memories in search of a better answer. "I think... that it happened a lot more for most people in my world than it did for me." Not that that was a difficult feat to achieve. The more she thought about it, the more it appeared that it was a lot more common than she'd realized. Wishing she had a more definitive answer, she finally settled on, "So I'm not exactly the right person to ask... but I think that it depends on who you're talking to. Some people might do it a lot, and some people might not."

"Yeah," Ψiioniic agreed fervently. "In my world, the only reathon most people would get that close to you ith to attack you. We're a pretty violent specieth as a whole. So I'm not really uthed to it, but it's kind of nice. Ath long as I keep reminding myself that they don't mean anything by it."

It seemed like every new thing she learned about the trolls' world made it seem even more dangerous. Careful to keep from frowning, she focused instead on the rest of what he'd said. "It is kind of nice. But that's the hard part - remembering that it's okay." Even for her, with her probably much less unpleasant memories. It was true that she had an excuse for her reaction, but she still felt bad about it. "... I really am sorry about before. Did I upset you?"

"No, I wath just worried I'd upset you," Ψiioniic assured her. "Maybe we can help each other get uthed to it, a little at a time. Are you okay? I wouldn't hurt you... barring the tower'th intervention," he added with a sigh.

It was almost unbearable that he couldn't make and hope to keep a promise like that. Knowing that HE could be turned against his friends was terrifying. As powerful as he was, he might blast them so far out of existence that they would never be able to come back.

She let out a small, relieved sigh at the assurance, a faint smile appearing of its own accord. Good. At least, it was good that she hadn't upset him; the next thought made her mouth flatten out again, just a bit, because really, he needn't worry about upsetting her when she had no heart to be upset with. She wished she had the guts to say so just as much as she was glad that she didn't, because while she felt guilty about not saying anything, she was also afraid of what might happen if she did.

"Yes, I'm okay." There was a tiny, barely noticable pause, then she added, "You don't have to worry about upsetting me." It wasn't exactly a full confession, but it was something. "And... it's probably for the best that we both get used to it, so... okay." ~~The touchy-feely types in the tower would probably get to her sooner or later, anyway.~~ "I know you wouldn't hurt me." Of course, look where thinking like that had gotten her back in her own world; she hadn't expected DiZ to order her execution, either, but he'd never been nearly as kind to her as Ψiioniic had been. Despite his sigh at the last part, she smiled a little wider, and even though the smile had a touch more wryness to it but still managed to look encouraging as she'd intended it to. "I would understand if-- something like that happened. I wouldn't blame you." Or 'won't blame him', as the case might turn out to be.

Once bitten twice shy

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