towerofanimus | [open] // watch me stumble over and over

Entry tags:

[open] // watch me stumble over and over

Characters: Waver and open
Date: December 25th, 26th, and 27th
Location: mailroom, laboratory, dorm floors
Format: starting in brackets
Summary: The wonderful thing about Nasuverse magic is nothing. Nothing is wonderful.
Warnings: None yet.

[floor 78; 12/25]

[It had been a disappointing holiday, to make a hilariously extreme understatement. Waver had hoped to at least make an attempt at exchanging gifts with the few people he actually liked, but then things went all pear-shaped. A Christmas invasion of plague doctors seemed a strange thing to accept as quickly as one would accept poor weather, but that was just how this place operated.]

[Today, his minor concern was sorting out a few sheets of neatly and carefully folded notebook paper, placing a few letters written in the infirmary in their designated place. A more major worry was the strange sensation of pins and needles that occasionally spread through his body like a shiver. Assuming it was the start of a cold brought on by the miserable weather, the lecturer settled for making careful note of it as well as the oddly sore feeling in his shoulder. Slept at a wrong angle, maybe?]

[The idea that either could have been a symptom of something more pressing hadn't yet occurred to him. Whether that was due to exhaustion or just being outright done with the Tower's nonsense for this month was hard to tell.]

[floor 27; 12/26]

[Some people probably thought their work was done with this latest breakthrough regarding collar fluid. 'Some people' were not Waver. Now that things had settled down somewhat, he again returned to the laboratory to carefully look over his notes, spending hours reading over them like he expected to find something previously missed.]

[Those hours passed with Waver persistently disregarding the growing ache in the back of his shoulder. Yesterday's odd pins and needles sensation was for the moment something he could ignore, but whatever was wrong with Waver's shoulder grew steadily worse as he tried to concentrate on working.]

[Eventually, the thoroughly irritated magus stood from his chair and looked around--maybe he could go find some ice to put on it. Whatever injury he'd sustained, it was starting to feel as though it was burning-]

Fucking hell, don't tell me.

[The problem with being a magus (one of many problems, Waver would often argue) was that the ability to use magic was something unnatural on a biological level. To begin with, Magic Circuits were something like a nervous system in operation, but at the same time they were something a normal human body would essentially reject. Activating them caused even the best magi some level of pain.]

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, this isn't good-

[But far more problematic was the issue of a Magic Crest. They acted as another form of Circuits, engraved into the body of a magical family's heir when that heir was still young. Waver's own was of no considerable size or strength, but his current state of genuine fear came from a number of problems that now presented themselves.]

[A Magic Crest was meant to be passed down little by little, while the heir was still young. The older one was when it was implanted, the more likely their body would be to fight and attempt to reject it.]

[Waver recalled three things: one, that he was currently twenty-five years older than he'd been when he inherited his mother's crest. Two, if this was indeed what was happening now, he severely doubted whatever process the new collar fluid was taking would be able to replicate the process correctly. Three: When it came right down to it, he had very little tolerance for pain.]

[There may or may not have been a half-restrained scream emanating from the laboratory about five minutes later, followed by the dull sound of someone falling back against a wall to stay standing.]

[dorm room 03-10; 12/27]

[Waver was not in good shape. The worst of the pain in his crest and circuits had begun to subside, but 'a little less than absolute torture' wasn't much improvement. He was honestly feeling better about the situation, however. He'd doubted for a moment this experiment would have favorable results, but if this was happening now then they'd made real progress.]

[Lying facedown on his bed with a pillow clamped over his head as if trying to shut out all of existence didn't look like 'optimism', but appearances could certainly be deceiving.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The good part of this was that being jostled slightly didn't really affect matters. The bad part was that Waver was in far too much pain to actually tell the difference.]

I r..really should have seen this coming.

You're not perfect, Mo Stór, and it's not like you didn't have a million other things on your mind.

[Diarmuid still doesn't understand completely what is going on, but it's obvious this is something to do with Waver's powers from the way his partner keeps rubbing at his shoulder where his crest is. However much he wants to understand, Diarmuid knows that Waver will be more comfortable and probably more willing to be honest in the privacy of his room where no one will walk in and hear what he doesn't want them to hear. His questions can wait a short while longer.]

Don't be so hard on yourself over this. Here we are...

[He shifts Waver slightly so that he can open the door to the room and then goes inside.]

Thanks--s-sorry I suddenly turned so goddamn useless-- [Waver winced slightly as he spoke, trying to gather some composure and not show how much pain he was in.]

Shh...

[Diarmuid settles Waver onto the end of his bed and then reaches up to lightly tap him on the lips with a finger.]

Look at it this way. I'm not going to be in the best shape either when I get my powers back. Who knows what kind of weird things I am going to have to go through when I shift from being 'normal' to 'servant' again. Obviously, the process is quite a bit different now, since we are accessing our real powers again instead of just re-accessing the fake versions after having them turned off for a while.

That's kind of the thing--I'd doubt many people w-would have a rough time.

[Scowling, Waver forced his voice to stay as steady as possible.]

This...isn't a fucking side effect of the newer collar fluid. Did my idiot predecessor ever e-explain Magic Circuits to you?

[Diarmuid settles on the end of the bed next to Waver, shaking his head. He holds out an arm offering to let Waver lean against him if he wishes.]

Not directly and not in great detail. All I know is what Lady Sola-Ui told me and what I overheard when they spoke of how bad his injuries were. They are what allow magi to use magic. Usually, when they are destroyed like his were, it means death, but he managed to survive thanks to Lady Sola-Ui's healing abilities. Even so, he was crippled. She could only do so much to repair the damage.

Sounds about right. Hell, I might almost say he deserved it if I thought anyone did.

[Already exhausted and still incredibly tense, Waver leaned against Diarmuid's shoulder.]

The thing is, Magic Circuits aren't...normal. W-we're born with them, sure. But to a regular human body, they register as unnatural. So activating them is going to hurt on some level, no matter how good you are. And as you say, if they're destroyed it's like destroying one's entire nervous system. Which is obviously a bad thing.

[Waver's hand went back to his shoulder--gripping it any tighter than he was might well have ended up drawing blood.]

A Magic Crest is...more extreme, really. It's something inherited piece by piece, when someone's young so they have time to adjust to it. Even then, it hurts kind of like being burned. M-more or less, it's a magus engraving their own knowledge into their heir's circuits.

[He paused as if to catch his breath, forcibly keeping his voice from shaking. This wasn't something he'd prepared for, and in hindsight that seemed a glaring miscalculation. At this point he was starting to feel feverish, though by now Waver realized that was no actual illness. Prana run through opened circuits had the side effect of raising one's body temperature, especially in this situation.]

This isn't...it's not supposed to just sh-show up like this. [Waver managed a pained, humorless laugh.] It's a delicate and particularly risky thing, and this mess is just taking a hammer to the whole ordeal like it's going to settle in overfuckingnight.

[When Waver leans against him, Diarmuid starts to wrap an arm around his partner's shoulders out of habit, just barely stopping himself when he realizes that would mean resting his arm over the crest that is so paining Waver at the moment. He starts to drop his arm around Waver's waist instead, but again stops himself when he realizes just how hard the man is gripping at his shoulder. Careful to avoid the bumping the crest, he reaches around Waver and laces his fingers with the magus' in an attempt to pull his partner's hand away before he does any damage.

To be quite honest, what Waver is saying terrifies Diarmuid. What if Waver's crest returning all at once burns out his circuits? Could Waver end up like Kayneth had?]

What can I do?

[There is desperation and fear--though, both are tightly controlled--in his voice.]

There must be something. Anything. We are so close. We can't let this stop us...

[Waver let Diarmuid pry his hand away, dimly aware he wasn't doing anything to help his problem. Instead he moved to wrap his arms around the knight's waist, holding on as tightly as he could without causing Diarmuid pain as well.]

...You could kill me. [His words were strained, tone grim and quiet.]

Whatever's going on with revival now, if it's still working at all...I'd assume that would replace the fluid we manufactured. But even if you did that--even if you could, it wouldn't help. If we're g-going to get everything back and get out of here, I'll have to do this eventually.

[Hiding his face against Diarmuid's shoulder, Waver didn't manage to repress the obvious shudder that went through him as the constant burning sensation continued.]

Th-there's not any way around it. I don't know what's going to happen.

[Today, that was as close as Waver would get to admitting he was terrified.]

No, I couldn't and you know it.

[Diarmuid shifts slightly so that he can pull Waver closer, encouraging his partner to squeeze as hard as he needs to. It's doubtful that he will be able to injure him and even so, the bruises would be worth it if it helped Waver feel better.

One hand makes its way into Waver's hair, stroking it to help comfort him as he has done before. Briefly, he considers letting Waver's hair out of its ponytail to help relax him, but decides not to for the moment since he's not sure how that might affect everything. After all, while he doesn't understand how it works exactly, he does remember how Waver's magic had increased in power when he let his hair down during the fight with Sephiroth.]

None of us know what is going to happen. We are all scared so...

[He rests his head lightly against Waver's.]

...don't be afraid to be scared yourself. No matter what happens, I will be here. Always. I'm not going to leave you. Even if this goes badly. I'm not leaving you alone.

I know--that's probably one of the few things stopping me from asking you outright. That and basic fucking logic, I mean.

[Waver remained tense and feverishly warm under Diarmuid's hands, biting his lower lip to stop from crying out or outright screaming again.]

..J-just...don't leave. I might end up saying stupid things or begging you to kill me if it gets any worse--I know I don't have to tell you not to listen, right?

I won't leave you. This I swear. Feel free to scream, to rant, or cry as you need to. I know you. I know what your true thoughts are and what is the pain talking.

[Diarmuid thinks he knows anyway. In any event, there is no way he will agree to hurting or killing Waver no matter how bad this gets.

He's not going to let his partner hurt or kill himself either.]

Would it help if I tried to distract you?

W-worth a shot, I guess. What did you have in mind?

Well...

[Diarmuid bows his head slightly, still stroking Waver's hair. He's not sure if this is the right time to bring this particular topic up, but at the same time it's on his mind and he knows it will distract Waver.

A lot most likely...]

Did you happen to get the letter I sent back in response to the one you just left for me?

Oh...did you write one? Sorry, I went straight to the lab this morning.

What did it say, or d-do I want to actually know?

I-I did... Maybe I should have just brought it with me since I was going to be seeing you today away. I guess I was just a little...scared.

[His hand slips away from Waver's waist to slide into one of his own pockets to pull out something he very carefully keeps hidden from view.]

I just... I asked if, because this is an impossible situation and since hypotheticals need to be practiced and tested, you wanted to...

[Diarmuid's voice gets really soft.]

...practice saying 'yes' so that I could practice doing it the right way. I haven't before, you know. I...don't really know how.

Diarmuid...

[Fortunately, Waver was still lucid enough to think straight. Pain might have colored his tone in forced notes, but he spoke no less sensibly than usual.]

I...don't know. It seems kind of cruel, to do something like that here. Even i-if we make it back home, we could never acknowledge something like that.

And what if I can never go home?

[Diarmuid swallows hard, his hand clenching around whatever he had pulled from his pocket.]

If we are being honest here, you're going home. That is certain since that is what we are working for. It's...different for me no matter now much we might want otherwise.

I don't care if we can't acknowledge it someplace I might not be able to go t-to... I...just care about here since it might be all I have...

Stop it. That isn't going to happen. [Waver's hold on him tightened out of pain, desperation, or possibly both. Another shudder went through the magus as he spoke through grinding teeth.]

Either we both leave or neither of us do. That's just h...how it's going to work.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Diarmuid buries his head in Waver's hair, voice dropping into soft murmurs that are meant to calm Waver just as much as himself. It's just hitting him now. They are really doing this. Getting their powers back is one step done and one that should make doing the others much easier. However, along with that realization is also the realization that even once they are able to do the impossible and restore their worlds so they can go home, he and Waver have one more step needed for them to be happy. One more impossible feat.

How many miracles can they expect really?

He doesn't mention any of this, though. Already, he's upset Waver and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Distract, yes. Upset, no.]

You know I don't want to leave you. Ever. I just...wanted a chance to vow that to you again. In a formal way. In a way separate from our bond as Master and Servant. Even if we are the only ones who know.

...fine. [Without much more of an argument, Waver gave in--the idea left a bad taste of being unnecessary in his mouth, but he didn't have the energy to point that out.] Fine. [Repeating himself a little more clearly, the magus did the best he could to collect himself.]

If it's going to make you happy, I w-won't waste what little breath I have arguing. But--just between us, understood? Any more than that is begging for the wrong sort of attention.

[Diarmuid shakes his head, brushing his closed hand lightly over Waver's cheek.]

I-it would make me happy, but I won't force you to do something you probably think is unnecessary just because it is something I want. Partners give both ways, after all.

[His hand falls away from Waver's face and he holds it up--still closed--between them.]

Would you like your Solstice present anyway?

Ah--shit, that's right. I had something for you and completely forgot when this mess happened.

[Waver quickly shook his head to interrupt any further kicking himself, smiling the best he could despite the obvious.]

Of course, if you still want to give it to me.

Why wouldn't I want to give it to you?

[Diarmuid gives him a confused and suddenly, slightly scared, look.]

Do...you think I'm upset because I backed off? I...just don't ever want to push you into something you don't want. That is all.

It's f-fine, Diarmuid. [He pulled back enough to close his hands around Diarmuid's own, smile turning a little shaky.]

Please...don't worry and just do what you want to.

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