towerofanimus | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Characters: Reno, open!
Setting: Check prompts!
Format: Either
Summary: February catchall
Warnings: TBA or check subtitles

Floor Sixty - Any Day

Since starting the project of having an alternate place to eat, run entirely by the residents, Reno's made sure to pop in from time to time to see how it's fairing. Usually, he has some sort of small game with him, sometimes bull fairies, sometimes something from Floor Six. Either way, he tries not to go in empty handed.

He can be found here helping out with butchering, or using the smoker to cure some leather. (He's since taken the actual tanning to the workshop in favor of not making anyone sick with that.)

Hunting - Floor Six or Thirty-Two

Usually early in the morning, Reno can be found out on either forest floor stalking through the forest. He's happy to take along some of the kitchen volunteers, and he usually has extra weapons these days, just in case. And after the incident with the boar, he's even got a very short steel javelin.

Feb 14th

All day he's been feeling irritable and touchy, snapping at the people he knows and are on good terms with to downright yelling and calling people cowards. He's marked with a heart on his forehead in a color that matches his hair. It blends in with the bangs that fall into his face sometimes, but just in case someone misses that, the note pinned to his back is harder to miss. Anyone who crosses him this day are bound to bear the brunt of his ire, whether it's in the workshop, the dorms, or one of his usual working places.

By the late afternoon, he's relocated to the Gym, trying to work off some of the agitation.

Floor 81 - Feb 28 - Closed

After Diarmuid's letters over the last couple of days, Reno did not want to talk to anybody, especially not Diarmuid. That's why he was down here on Eighty-one, organizing the room for that stupid party he's beginning to really think is a mistake, but hey, Cu was looking forward to it.

Rubbing his eyes, Reno took a step back and looked over the arrangement so far. Not too bad, but couple of the tables needed adjusted so nobody would be bumping into chairs...

The events of the last month really wore on the redhead, but this time he wasn't going to tell anyone off about it. They'd figure out just how badly things were going to get, sooner or later, and it set off a malicious jab of satisfaction at the idea.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So we don't get broken or we make sure that our healers are around when we might...or when we come back if Ruana can't get her act together. This is hardly an end. It just makes things more difficult.

[Diarmuid sighs, running a hand through his hair.]

Do you really think you going down would have changed anything? What do you think they would have done to you if you tried to talk sense to them considering the motivators Ruana threw their way? That is if you still wanted to stop them once you got down there. Would you really have chosen to saved Jason's life over Xion's? Don't lie to me. You know you would have killed him just as quickly as they did and considering Ruana told them to do it, who knows what she might have done to them if they hadn't. It could very well have come down to choosing her life over his.

[Reno visibly winces when he mentioned Xion, and turns around again with angry eyes. Not angry because of what happened, or at the point he makes, but at the man himself.]

The only way we're going to win is not play her game. We start playing her games willingly, we're lost. And I'm starting to see that. She put the most tempting piece of bait out, and they took it. I've found "tempting" in the Tower is another word for "fool."

Do you really think I don't already know that? Why do you think I didn't go down there myself?

[Aside from Waver threatening to literally sit on him and a couple of very badly timed blinks to the void...]

My brother was down there. My son was down there. A good number of our friends were down there too and you better believe I would have killed him to save anyone of them even knowing what a bad idea it is. As you said, Ruana knew exactly what bait to dangle. Her trap was a brilliant one. She manipulates emotions just as well as Jason manipulated bodies.

[Diarmuid sighs, taking a few steps away from Reno to put his thoughts in order.]

I can't blame them, though. I know how easy it is to let your emotions rule you. I wish they had not made the same mistake I made, but what is done is done. Being angry won't help them understand why this isn't a victory. Being angry won't help us move forward and adapt to this change, and being angry won't help us teach them how not to make this mistake again--how to not play her game again willingly.

Shove it, Diarmuid.

[Scowling, Reno shoves his hands into his pockets and starts pacing around the lounge. Why the hell did the man have to make sense when Reno wanted to sit and gripe?

But that hurts, too. It feels like Diarmuid is pulling away, and that is probably why Reno's retort is a lot more sharp than Diarmuid's words warranted.]

Telling me it's not going to help... doesn't help. Sure, I'm angry. I'm also thinking real hard on what this whole catastrophe means for the future fight. And I don't think I can teach anybody and I'm wavering on if they'll even listen to me. They'll come up with excuses and then... I'll start wondering if I can trust 'em.

[Kicking out a foot, he hit the leg of a chair to adjust its position, letting out a small smidgen of anger.]

I don't even want to start. Especially not with the ones on the team.

[He pauses there, staring down at a table top.

Is this why Tseng and Veld kept back and emotionally distant when they were leading? To see things with a more clear head even though it meant they would have to be harsh on their friends and family when they came back from missions?

He had always slightly resented getting critiqued on his choices while in the field. At the time, they always made the most sense to him in a tense situation, but coming back and having all the mistakes pointed out defused his relief and triumph like nothing else. And they were always right. Always. Looking back, he could see where something would have worked better; a smarter move that may have saved him from getting a foot tangled, metaphorically or not.

Except, this situation is darker and far more difficult than anything they had to deal with. Of that, Reno has absolutely no doubt...

His shoulders slump slightly, as if he's giving up the verbal exchange already.]

Reno, this is a fight you don't have to start. You realize that, don't you? This is Ruana's fault, not theirs. Blame her, not them. She set them up so that they would have no choice but to do this. Make sure those who were involved realize that and then trust them to know better next time.

[A sad smile crosses his face.]

You gave me another chance after my mess up with Sephiroth, didn't you? I realize my mistake doesn't have as far reaching of consequences as this one does, but they made the same mistake as I did and deserve the same second chance. If they fail again--if they refuse to learn--then you can start questioning if you are right to trust them, but not now. As Waver tells me all the time, 'don't go borrowing trouble.'

[A worried look crosses Diarmuid's face.]

You're tired enough without fighting fights you don't have to.

[More tension just collected in Reno's shoulders, but he nods.]

It's going to take me a while to get my head around this shit. Don't expect too much from me until then.

[Something else crosses his train of thought, however, and his tension could probably snap a tendon if he isn't careful.]

Before he died, I asked Jason if it was possible to kill a soul here.

[Despite Reno being so tense, the red head's answer actually puts Diarmuid a little at ease.]

This is a shock to everyone. We all need time to process and adjust. Don't rush yourself through anything. You will only end up regretting it in the end. Believe me, I know.

[His relief vanishes at Reno's next statement. Worry replaces it as Diarmuid first wonders why Reno is asking such a thing and then what the answer is...]

What did he tell you? Anything?

He said yes, but he wasn't going to tell me how.

[If Diarmuid could see his face... Reno is grimacing, but slightly pale around his eyes.]

I think it's time we looked into that as a backup plan.

Absolutely not!

[Diarmuid almost snarls the answer. While having more information is never a bad idea, getting it to use for that purpose?]

That isn't a plan. That is giving up and none of us are giving up!

[Diarmuid can snarl all he likes. Reno's shoulders slump again while he waits until the man is done, and a little longer while he waits for him to calm down.]

Have you ever been back to your world, Diarmuid?

No, but I have met plenty of people who have been back to theirs. You aren't the only one who I have met who spent an extended time back home, Reno. I would rather my family be here as terrible as it is than alone on their dead worlds any day.

[He is calmer now and maybe that is why he suddenly seems to realize where Reno's train of thought might be heading.]

That doesn't mean it's a fate worse than death, because even alone on our worlds, there might be a chance for us to find something we can do to fix things. Death, on the other hand, is just the end.

[And he will not...cannot...accept a future where things end so badly death seems a better option than life.]

[Reno turns and swiftly walks up to Diarmuid, staring up at him. He isn't joking here, his eyes are hard and flinty.]

I spent six months on Gaia, watching it slowly fall apart around me until nothing was left. I don't even remember the full time, it seems like weeks to me. Everything that happened, the wedding and before, is a lot closer to my memory than people think, because I don't like them knowing.

There is nothing to do there, than wander a barren wasteland and go slowly insane until there is nothing left inside... and my daughter cannot be left alone.

[He grabs the front of Diarmuid's shirt, narrowing his eyes to a crack.]

Nobody can hear you screaming in a dead universe, Diarmuid.

[Slowly, he lets the shirt go, but doesn't back down.]

Death on our terms is a win, and I want that option open for a last resort. If we can't do it any other way, I want to deny Ruana sending us back to our dead worlds so she can slowly siphon us off to keep this hell running.

Edited 2014-03-02 04:05 (UTC)

Death is never a win. You speak as a man who has never died for real. I have. Twice.

[Let Reno refuse to back down all he wants. Diarmuid will not back down either. Not when he has felt life leave him twice and known he was not coming back. Not when the light has faded forever and he was not ever suppose to see it again.

Death is the Tower is one thing. Facing it for real is a completely different story...]

If we have enough time left to use that last option, we have enough time to keep fighting. The only way that fate you fear so much will come to pass is if we let it. Stop letting your fear speak for you! How is dying not leaving your daughter alone? In death everyone is alone! Forever.

No one can hear you screaming when you are just plain dead either, Reno. And what of those who don't die? What of those Ruana perhaps stops from taking this last option?

Who will hear them when she makes them scream forever in the places of those who escaped?

...Lifestream.

[Reno pales for a moment. His world is different; Lifestream is the souls of all those who have died and will ever die. It's said to be the ultimate rest, and so many people have come back from near death experiences to tell about the peace and comfort of friends and family they felt.

He had never, ever, not once questioned that is how death is really supposed to be, even though a part of him thinks he will get chosen by Hades to stand with His Own Chosen...

Even when he 'died' nine times in the Tower. It's a close facsimile, but not the real thing.

But hearing this from someone who had died twice, for real... Reno feels the gulf widen between him and everyone else.]

Death... death isn't the same everywhere... is it?

I can honestly say I have never run into another view of death that is anything like the one on your world, and the modern version of my world has a great many different views on death.

[His expression saddens.]

There are even those who believe that there is nothing at all after death. They will completely cease to be, their 'soul' or 'self' will stop as well as their body and they will be completely gone.

I think you can understand why they, especially, would not want to give up their lives for any reason. Not when there is even the slimmest chance of winning left.

[To a degree, Diarmuid is in that group. Not because he doesn't believe in any kind of god or afterlife, but because he knows for him as a Servant, death means being erased permanently. Another version of Diarmuid Ua Duibhne may be born from whatever versions of the Throne of Heroes that still exist, but it will never again be him.]

...I still want it to be an option. Compared to what Ruana's done to the multiverse, nothing might be better than losing our soul. Even Dax warned us 'bout that.

[He's quieter, moving back from Diarmuid, and sounding more unsure... but he's determined.]

I don't want to give up either... and I don't view it as giving up, but all my instincts are screaming at me to prepare for somethin' like that. I can't help being a Turk, even after all our discussions. I can't kick over ten years of conditioning just like that, not when I still need it.

Do you need it?

[Diarmuid frowns. He's not sure if he wants to say this or if he can explain it in a fashion that Reno won't take the wrong way, but it feels like it needs to be said.]

Reno...you aren't really a Turk anymore. You're the leader of Ragnarok. It might be a group that was once like the Turks, but this situation is so different from those the Turks faced and you are so different now, that limiting what you do and how you think to how they would think will only lead to frustration. You're different now and you're fighting for a different cause. Don't make things more difficult than they have to be. You're more now. Use that to guide you forward instead of always looking to the past.

I'm not. It's... more like...

[How can Reno explain. An irritated noise escapes through Reno's nose, and he sighs.]

It's more like a part of me. Just like Lifestream is. I grew up with it, an' it's not just something I can toss. It's how I do things, how I think, how I react. Just like there's parts of you you're drawin' the line at. You grew up to be a knight, right? You were taught all that. You can't get rid of everything without becoming' someone completely different, and you said you weren't going to let some things go.

[Again, they're dragged into these discussions. How many more will they have before the end? Would they? He could be pulled into another world or even back home at any day. So could any of them. Relying on these discussions to get him through it...]

Being a Turk is a lot like being a knight. Our ideals are different and it's a lot more harsh... I mean, just from what you've said. Gaia's knights were different, couple hundred years ago.

If I abandoned everything I knew, I wouldn't know what move to make next. Just because I got that as a basis... I'm not limiting myself. Hell, I listen to you, don't I?

[And then he pauses.]

That might be why Elena and I are having problems. She's still thinking like a real Turk...

[Diarmuid nods, relief in his eyes. That is what he wanted to know. Is Reno falling back on those things because they really are a part of his core or is he doing them because he doesn't know what else to do and is afraid to try? One of those options implies thought and understanding of oneself while the other implies the opposite. This answer...this answer means Reno really has been thinking about the things they have talked about and is putting them to work. Even if he is still having trouble, it's not because he doesn't know himself. It's because he's moving forward and finding new challenges he has to face.]

That could be. Even if some of those things will always be a part of you, there are other parts of you that have grown beyond that. Your experiences are definitely changing you and making you into more than you were. If she isn't seeing that for whatever reason...

[He sighs and shakes his head sadly.]

When she came to me that day to ask about you, I told her that. I told her it seemed like she wasn't seeing what was really there--how you had changed. That really could be the problem. When one person changes and the other doesn't...growing apart is sometimes a natural consequence whether the people in question want it to be or not.

[That catches Reno's attention, and he levels a dangerous stare at Diarmuid.]

I appreciate your help, but I think you've done enough in regards to Elena. You need to stop talking.

[Diarmuid blinks a moment, startled by Reno's reaction. The red head already knew about this from a previous conversation so why...

Then it dawns on him. He must have talked to Elena and...]

All right. So...you going to tell me what you are setting up for or do I get to guess?

Waver's anniversary.

Ah...the party my brother invited me to.

[Diarmuid looks around the room and nods.]

It's not the meadow, but it is still a good location. Is there something I can help with?

I think I got it covered, unless ya think we could use some music. Never tried getting the instruments off that one floor...

I...honestly don't know if anything can be taken from that floor. It might be like the media floor.

[Diarmuid frowns and then shakes his head.]

Music might be nice, but everyone will be talking anyway. It might be too loud for anyone to really hear it.