towerofanimus | ❝trying to talk my way out of this❞

Entry tags:

❝trying to talk my way out of this❞

Characters: Willow and whoever. OPEN.
Setting: Sixth floor (the forest).
Format: I slightly prefer action over prose, but I'll match whatever you want to do!
Summary: Willow's been doing a lot of magic lately, and tries to meditate to help manage it. Unfortunately she picks the worst place possible. Run into her in A or B, just let me know which one in the subject!
Warnings: Grief. Addiction recovery.

A.

[Since she got here, she's been doing magic almost nonstop. Well, not really, but it feels that way. Casual, advanced, ritual and on the fly-- she's even been teaching it, a little. Willow desperately needs to meditate and feel the Earth beneath her before it catches up with her. She can feel the temptation, feel how easy it is, to just solve everything with a burst of power and a hand gesture, maybe a well-placed word...

But it doesn't solve everything, and it won't bring Tara back. Tara, who had just wanted the best for her; who had wanted her to use magic for good things, as an expression of compassion toward the world. Not for selfish reasons. Willow feels intensely ashamed that she still struggles with this, but that doesn't mean she doesn't. She needs the grass under her hands and trees above her head to recenter herself. To find peace.

She shakes out a circle of ash about five feet in diameter, within sight of the stairs. It's a magical perimeter, intended to stop anything with malicious intent from crossing in and harming her. She hasn't had to use one in years, but Eridan had warned her about the monsters lurking in the woods. Willow uses one now, and settles herself cross-legged in the middle.]

B.

[Some time later, just as she'd really been settling into her inner space, the part of herself that stays calm and undisturbed no matter how much black magic roils through her... she hears a voice, and her breath catches. She could've sworn her heart stopped.]

Tara? [she whispers, and a moment later, she hears another trace of it echoing again.

No. She's dead. Willow lurches to her feet, leaving the small bowl of ash behind, forgotten, and rushes over to the stairs. She's breathing fast, almost hyperventilating, as she races down them.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's awful, [she says, vaguely horrified. She's presently imagining all of the troll friends she's made so far being continually subjected to horrific nightmare sleep (this is mostly just AU Eridan and Aradia, but some concern for Kanaya and the Summoner himself is in there, too).]

I'll have to make a whole bunch of these and hand them out. I don't know what I can do after I run out of the supplies that came in my chest, but I'll-- I'll figure something when the time comes.

[Goodness, what a sweetheart ;A; He doesn't question her this time at least, even if it still strikes him as QUITE REMARKABLE that she is willing to waste all her supplies on people she barely knows...]

That would be... very kind of you... I'm not sure how they've lasted so long, without anything to help...! [Because everyone else should definitely get these magic sleep bag things before he does!!!]

Me either. It's sorta scary to think about. And what about you, mister? You've been all grievously wounded and not sleeping? It's a good thing you ran into me!

[Little handwave. No no, he was fiiiiine. He was totally only half dead like three whole days ago!!!]

Yes I uh, was very lucky to find you. But you don't have to worry. If that's what you were doing.

That is exactly what I was doing, and you will soon discover, potentially right about now, that it is totally fruitless to tell me not to worry. It's so lacking in fruit, it's like a... an out of season fruit tree.

This tree, completely out of season. No fruit on Willow. And wow did that metaphor get away from me.

[Willow starts to climb to her feet, and then offers him a hand to help him up.] What I mean to say is, I am a worrier, and you are stuck, [she says decisively,] with my worrying.

[Laughs! Lawd that metaphor was awful lskjdkljf And uh... there's a brief, obligatory suspicious look at her hand before he takes it and drags himself to his feet. He is moving remarkably better, not surprisingly!!! Opens and closes his wings a couple times, rolling his shoulders slightly]

[Gives her a bemused sort of smile afterwards like IDK WHY YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT ME I AM TOTALLY THE SAFEST THING OUT THERE, before he shrugs easily]

Uh... alright, if you insist. I guess I can't really stop you. [Heh! You're okay for an alien, Willow. Even if he is confused by everything you do]

You can't. I am an unstoppable force of worrying.

[It really was an awful metaphor, and maybe because of that, she really is feeling better than when she'd gotten here. She gives him a smile, much less bemused than his.] Feeling better?

[Chuckles again, nodding and folding his wings finally]

Much. That is, a really remarkable ability to have.

Oh... well, I'm still practicing it, [she objects, embarrassed to be complimented.] I'm better at other stuff.

It just seems like a shame not to practice healing while I can. [It's much better than her real talent: black magic and destruction. Willow wishes she could say she likes this better, but the problem is that she doesn't.]

[Calmly skeptical. If taking him from where he was to basically fully healed is 'still practicing' he cannot even imagine what 'better at other stuff' could possibly mean]

What uh... are you better at...?

[She hesitates for a second, but there's no reason not to say it.] ... Black magic. Destruction and mind control and-- that kind of thing. Getting something for nothing.

What I used on you is white magic. I'm trying to be a little more, in that direction. To use the biggest understatement possible.

[Curious head tilt... Of course, he has none of the color associations in his head so none of that pings him as particularly good or bad. In fact, the former...]

Mmm... if you don't uh, mind my saying. It sounds like the, black variety, would be more useful, if it doesn't take your energy like the white one does.

You'd think that, but the problem is that once you start using it, you sort of... don't want to stop. And then you forget about that whole moral thing I was mentioning earlier. You stop caring, you attack your friends-- it's... it's ugly.

[She gains an apologetic smile. Though technically she has nothing to apologize to him for, she can't stop the association.] It's addictive and I'm trying to be not addicted.

[Yeah he... really doesn't know what to do about that smile. And addiction is not something he is terribly familiar with, but the first part... makes sense... sort of. At the very least, he understands not wanting to hurt your friends despite impulses telling you to do otherwise. He has seen far too many of his soldiers snap on the battlefield not to understand it at least a little]

What can you do? To uh, beat it, I mean. [Maybe he can help her, if it's something that can be helped with]

Use it as little as possible. Black magic, but magic in general, too, [she explains, ready with this answer because she's given it a lot of thought.] And communing with the energy of the planet, which is what I was doing in the forest.

Mostly... it's being responsible, which is harder than it sounds when you can do pretty much anything if you're willing to give up enough. I'm trying to manage without my friends here to back me up, but I'm-- a little anxious. [Make that terrified, but Willow, as forthright as she tries to be about her problems-- because hiding them led to this-- is still ashamed, and frankly lost without the rest of her group to support her.]

[!!!!! THAT IS A THING HE CAN HELP WITH]

[Smiles reassuringly, only pausing a second when he realizes how amazingly pale he is probably coming across right now. But he doesn't really mind. He certainly doesn't see her as a romantic prospect. She is an alien and he has only just met her after all. Hopes she doesn't take this the wrong way!!!]

I uh... think that I understand. The anxiety, issue. Since you helped me, I would be glad to try to help with that? Even if it's just, offering an ear to talk to.

[Willow's aware that moirails is a thing, but she hasn't gotten far enough to realize that pale flirting is even possible, so she just gives him a smile back. It's a bit awkward, because as desperate as she is for friends while she's here, needing this much help and being open about it is undeniably embarrassing.]

I'd appreciate it. Regular talking, even, about things that are not necessarily my shameful and embarrassing mistakes. For now, um-- maybe we could head downstairs? I'm pretty tuckered myself.

[Bobs his head and turns towards the stairs, though he offers to let her lead the way. It is her feelings jam after all! Of course there is also the whole... He Is Exhausted As Well thing, but he can just... keep that to himself since he's said too much about it already]

I think probably it would help, to start by not calling them shameful or uh... embarrassing. Everyone makes mistakes. That is a um, part of life, after all.

[She ends up walking alongside him instead of in front or behind, falling automatically into the comfortable role of talking with Buffy as they walk to their next class. Even though that's obviously not what's happening here, it's familiar.]

Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone messes up by-- by magically making your best friend think she should get engaged to her creepy violent stalker. [Again, no offense, Spike, but pre-soul you were pretty much not engagement material at all.] Or making Giles go blind, or, okay, accidentally summoning a troll-- the other kind of troll-- that tries to kill your other best friend. And this is the trivial stuff, the stuff that I could be forgiven for with cookies!

I haven't even gone into the stuff where forgiveness is not assured. And some of it I did to Tara. They are definitely shameful and embarrassing and you can't convince me otherwise.

[...he's not super sure what other kind of troll there is, but okay this is a lot of stuff to listen to and digest. Clearly this was not the best place to start with this particular jam. So... redirection, go]

Tell me about them. Uh, Giles and also... Tara? And your other... friends? [...apparently a friend is a little better thing to have for humans then it is for trolls. He has to keep this in mind while talking...] Maybe so that I have, context, for our future conversations about your uh... supposedly shameful and, embarrassing mistakes. [Kinda teasing with that last bit lkjsdf]

Oh... context. Well-- okay. [She's hesitant, and takes several moments to compose her thoughts as they head down the stairs. They have several flights to go.]

Let's see. There's four major people I should mention-- major people in my life, I mean, [she clarifies, as if that hadn't been clear.] Xander is my oldest friend, and I grew up with him. Buffy moved into town about seven years ago, and has this prophesied destiny as the Slayer, which means that she fights and defeats evil things.

Ever since she came to Sunnydale, the three of us have been more or less inseparable, fighting the good fight and... and always being there for each other. If humans had moirails and it was possible for there to be a moirail threeway, this would definitely be it-- at least from my understanding.

[GOODNESS HOW 100D. Looks a little taken aback at the prospect of a moirail threeway lksjdlfkjlkj Though... if he thinks about it he has seen... somewhat similar situations before. People who are close to both their moirail and their matesprit in remarkably similar ways. Still, the idea is quite odd to him.............]

[...wait a second] Humans don't have moirails...?

[Whoops, was that a scandalous suggestion? Oh well.]

Nope. We don't have matesprits or anything else in the quadrants, either. I had to have Eridan explain them to me a little to get it. We have friends and family, and significant others, which is, you know... boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. But we just have one.

And we don't do the hate-love thing, at least not if we're mentally well. Just friends or romance or hating, not combinations. I mean it happens, but no one really... wants it to.

[Oh god, it's that Humans Are Weird confusion setting in again. They don't have lusii or quadrants??? HOW DO THEY EVEN... EXIST LSDKJF]

Wait then uh... what do you do when you have caliginous feelings for someone? Do you have to auspistize them before, they get anywhere? [But that's a quadrant too??? Good lord, how will he ever figure these aliens out...]

Caliginous-- oh, you mean kismesis? [She shrugs eloquently.] We don't? People talk about hatesex but it's not something you want to do on a long term basis. Or in my case, at all.

We're pretty peaceful compared to trolls, as far as I can tell. We still get murder and racism and all that, but it's not an encouraged part of our culture, I guess you could say. Not usually.

❝trying to talk my way out of this❞

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