towerofanimus | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Characters: AU Eridan Ampora and OPEN
Setting: Infirmary
Format: Either
Summary: Eridan was injured pretty badly in his nightmare world, and he's the Worst Patient Ever.
Warnings: Swearing and references to grievous injury likely. Otherwise, I'll edit it if necessary.

Someone bandaged his blistered wrists and put some kind of salve on his savaged back. The salves dulled the pain a lot, which was good, but Eridan knew it'd come back. He lay on his side, because lying on his back hurt too much, the blanket pulled up to his chin and his face buried miserably into the soft pillow.

He didn't know why the universe decided to dump all of the problems onto him. Why did he have to be the one sea dweller who was born into poverty, the only one from a world where sea dwellers were reviled instead of revered? Why did he have to be the one clapped in irons and whipped for something he never did? Why did Feferi have to be dead? The one light in his life, and she was gone.

Why did the universe always have to make him miserable?

Life was hard.

So hard.

And clearly no one understood.

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[That's maybe too smooth. Willow's willingness to go along with what's happening is highly contingent on her ability to fool herself into believing that it isn't happening, and that's rapidly becoming impossible.]

It does, but-- [Blushing herself now, and flustered. Willow belatedly hit "too fast too soon" and needs to slow things down, fast, without hurting his feelings. She reaches up and takes the hand at her cheek and draws it away, but keeps it in hers, held, setting down at her thigh.] I'm not really sure what I'm doing. And we have all these things that we can't just-- ignore. [Like the alien thing, and the him being male thing, oh god that was honestly more of an issue for her.]

I haven't done much since... since Tara died, and this is pretty fast, so we just. Slow, okay?

And maybe explaining why you said good, because, I want to understand. [She squeezes his hand in hers, gently. If there's one thing Willow excels at, it's being supportive.] I won't attack you.

[Well, shit, he's going too fast. But too fast doesn't mean "no". It just means "not yet", and he's honestly all right with that. Very all right.

He shifts his hand and turns it over, squeezing her fingers to try to convey that.]

Yeah, uh, you're completely right, I wwouldn't wwant to push you, and like you say, there's all these things. Can't just go throwwin' ourselvves into the wwater until wwe knoww for sure wwe're not gonna drowwn. Especially since you're just still gettin' ovver your matesprit -- sorry, I didn't...knoww.

[He face fell a little at the last. He certainly knows about loss, and curses himself for getting over-eager and stepping all over those raw feelings.

His cheeks flush at being brought back to his thoughtless comment about the wizard] I wwas thinkin', I guess, that I might wwant to meet someone like that sometime. Though he's a dick wwho made your life tougher it seems like a pretty harmless kind a magic wwith a lot a creativve applications.

[His response-- all of it-- is encouraging.] No, it's okay. I know how it is to just want to run with your feelings, trust me. [She gives him a smile, maybe slight and a little melancholic, but heartfelt.] Tara would want me to be happy again, I know for sure, it's just... hard.

And we'd have a lot of things to work through, hypothetically, things I very much can't be ignoring. I start derailing perfectly normal conversations into crying jags when I ignore things, so, um. Slow is better.

Buffy almost got killed that night, actually, and Ethan's done a few other decidedly not harmless things, so I would advise strict avoidance, [she explains, shifting in place and not holding his interest against him. She knows keenly how it feels to want to meet powerful sorcerers.] On the other hand, if Giles ever shows up I'll have to introduce you. He's practically a living encyclopedia on all things occult.

[He nods solemnly and has to resist the urge to touch her again. He resorts to squeezing her hand]

Wwhat kinds a things do you need to wwork through? I don't wwant to pale zone you if that's not wwhere you're goin wwith this wwhat wwith havvin' a moirail already, but if talkin' wwill help, wwell, I'vve got lots a time and I'm an experienced feelin's jammer.

I'm sure your cryin' jags havve nothin' on Fef's bad moments, too.

[Well, an encyclopedia sounds less exciting than the power to turn people into things, but he nods anyway] I'll be careful if it evver comes up, wwhich it probably wwon't.

[Hand squeezing is an acceptable means of communication, and she squeezes back.] Pale z-- oh, friend zoning. No, um, talking would help, I think. It's just... a little weird to me to even be thinking of. Sometimes I feel like she's still around somewhere, and I just haven't looked in the right place. [Her smile doesn't leave, but it does get increasingly melancholy.]

Not that I want to dump all of that on you, that's pretty rude, talking about my... ex. [She can't quite bring herself to say "my dead ex".] That's not even really what I would want to be, um, feelings jamming about. [She hopes she's using that correctly, because she kind of loves that term already.]

With this place? Who knows. [But okay, topic dropped, story ended. It's hard to explain that Giles is both badass and a librarian when you haven't met him, anyway. Better to just experience it.]

[Eridan nodded uncertainly] Wwell, if there is anythin' you wwant to jam about a little, then I'm here, okay? You don't havve any a your, uh, friends here, so wwe'vve just got to make do.

Not making do, [she rushes to correct him, wanting to be totally clear on this point.] I know we kind of fell in together out of mutual loneliness, but if things were-- [Okay, nope, still can't name this, that might freak her out and she doesn't want to be freaked.]

I'm serious about this, [she starts over again, softly.] That's why I want to go slowly; we don't know each other that well yet, but it's not making do. You're not a substitute.

[That would be an awful, terrible, horrendous feeling to impart on someone else, and if Willow's going to talk about Tara freely-- and she needs to talk about her freely, it's physically painful not to mention her at all-- then she wants to make sure this is understood from the get go. To be bluntly honest, Eridan might be a bit of a replacement, but Willow can't help how lonely she is here, already, and she doesn't think that's a crime.]

Edited 2011-12-28 00:00 (UTC)

[Eridan nods. He wasn't all that bummed in the first place, mostly just talking like that because he thought that was what she wanted to hear, but it's nice as she rushes to reassure him. He smiles and boldly puts his arms around her, giving her a nice, chaste hug]

Wwell, I'm serious, too. And you're definitely not any kind a substitute for anythin' I'vve already got. I'm wwillin' to wwait is wwhat I'm sayin', and not inclined to push you into anythin' you're not ready for, so don't wworry.

[That hug was exactly what she needed right now, because while outwardly she seems pretty calm and in control, inward is a mess of confusion. Something physical, reassuring and unambiguous, was comforting.

She hadn't thought he'd been upset, exactly, she just wanted to make sure everything was on the right foot.] Thank you, [she says softly, curling in towards him. The blankets are an absolute mess now, all strewn around and on them, but Willow doesn't care one bit.] I have a lot of things to figure out. Remember that... um, sexuality thing I was talking about earlier?

I haven't even-- I mean, I thought it was going to be girls only for me. [More accurately, she thought it was going to be Tara only.] Now I just don't know. [Did this make her bi, now? Willow had felt so assured in her identity as gay, but it wasn't like she hadn't loved Oz, she just hadn't ever thought she'd get the opportunity to date anyone else. When "dating Tara" meant "being gay", that second part became equally important, and wonderful, to her.

Now everything was up in the air. And was it even relevant here? Who would care her sexual self-identity was? The trouble was, it was important to Willow. She cared. She wanted to know.]

[Eridan can't really understand that sexuality thing, but he tries to think of it like people who only like sea dwellers, or in this case, who don't like to date sea dwellers, if such a thing could be mostly divorced from issues of racial prejudice]

Is it about girls, though? I mean, isn't it about the people? Wwho cares if you thought you wwere gonna fall flushed for a boy. If you nevver did, then you'd be justified in sayin' it's girls only, but because you thought you'd nevver look at one, wwhen you do should you ignore that feelin'?

[He chews his lower lip, sure he's screwing this up] I nevver thought I'd look at a hornless pink alien, if it helps...

[She smiles wryly.] I never thought I'd look at anyone with horns, personally. Xander dated a vengeance demon, but most of the time she looks human.

... But you're right. It's always felt that way to me-- that it was about the person. And it's not like I haven't, with guys before.

It's just... a lot to take in all at once. Male and alien and kidnapped. [As much as Eridan is scared otherwise, he can't have done too badly, because she's slowly, carefully shifting to lay her head on his shoulder. Partially that's so she's sure she doesn't aggravate his injuries; partly it's because she's still feeling her way into this.]

Wwhat's wwrong wwith horns? You don't like my horns? [But even still, she's cuddling up to him, and that's reassuring. He lifts a hand and cautiously brushes fingers through her hair, marvelling at how soft it is.] It's a lot, yeah. But like I said, wwe can take our time.

Mmm, they're growing on me, [she murmurs, snuggling into his neck further and trying to encourage the hand in her hair. It's so soothing this way, when she isn't thinking about anything. He's right-- about everything, so far.] We can take our time. And I think... you're worth the wait.

[Oh no, she doesn't like his horns. Is it because they slant back sort of weirdly instead of goimg up like most people's? Or is it a general dislike of horns?

But wait, what she just said sort of negates that]

I...really?

Definitely, [she assures him readily, always willing to compliment someone she cares about. Willow laces her fingers in his.]

Can't you tell that I think you're amazing?

[Wow. He squeezes her fingers and beams] Wwell, I didn't wwant to just fuckin' assume wwithout you sayin' it outright.

[Yup, she's a dyed in the wool romantic, and he's getting a wide smile back. Despite all the confusion and potential problems here, Willow is starting to remember how happy it made her to have someone to lavish with compliments and depend on to return her witty banter.]

You can assume. Assume away. I don't hop into emotionally baring conversations this quickly with just anyone, Mr. Ampora.

[He returns the smile with a grin] I'll remember that, then.

[Her smile turns into a grin, too, and then she remembers why she was here in the first place.]

So you're feeling better? I wouldn't want to think I hadn't done my friendly duty and cheered you up after your horrible experience.

[Oh right, his horrible experience. His smile falters, but he does nod]

Yeah, you did an upright great job a cheerin' me up, actually.

I don't mean to remind you, [she rushes to say.] I just wanted to check. Chronic worrier is me.

So I'm glad I did my job, um, upright. [Although it sounds like a dig, her expression-- teasing and affectionate-- makes it pretty clear that she finds his vocabulary more cute than anything.]

[What's wrong with his vocabulary? Nothing! He grins and gives her a squeeze, content]

It's okay, you don't need to wworry.

[Of course there's nothing wrong with it. It's just hilarious.]

Alright. [She squeezes back.] Do you need me to bring you anything? Chocolate, bad movies, chicken soup...?

Uh...maybe somethin' to read?

You got it. Genre preference?

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I don't know man, but they are, LOL.

;u;

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here you go, all the edits

Yay edits!

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