towerofanimus | it's the end of the world as we know it

Entry tags:

it's the end of the world as we know it

Characters: William Birkin
Setting: Floor 1
Format: I'll follow you, but action would be mighty nice
Summary: Birkin just showed up and he wants to know what the fuck kinda crap happened to him this time.
Warnings: None

[Birkin always figured he'd have a hand in the apocalypse. Though he definitely thought he'd end up being the cause of it rather than just living through it, somehow or another.

...Though it was probably just another virus anyway. Annoying things. He poked his head out of his room, looking both ways down the hallway. Might as well look for someone he recognized.]

Franken you can't just leave me behind like this, you asshat! [His voice merely echoed back at him. Certainly a bit unnerving, but he'd find him eventually. The guy's labcoat ended up in his trunk or whatever anyway.] Issei?! ...Sher? ...Creepy alien kids...?

[He started walking, slight frown on his face.] Regene?! Wesker? ...Papadachi are you back by any chance?

Guys, seriously... This isn't funny anymore...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Don't tell her you could do it even hypothetically otherwise she'll probably want you to experiment with that a bit and try it out.

And based on your expression, you don't want that any more than the general populace does.

I think I can enforce my own refusal well enough, [she says dryly.] I'm not worried, it's just icky to think about.

But aside from alternate universe shenanigans! Want me to show you around? First, you have to have oatmeal.

Oatmeal? Is that some weird witchy ritual or something?

Weird ritual, yes, witchy no. It's a tower thing. You have to have oatmeal before you can eat anything else-- not really sure why, haven't tested it.

I'd offer to test it for you, but I've done the whole Dr. Guinea Pig thing and it reeeally loses it's appeal after a while. So yeah, uh. Breakfast time?

Yeah, that's sort of why I haven't tested it. Morality tends to frown on human experimentation.

So, breakfast! This way? [leaaaading in the right direction now]

Moralities change from person to person. [...And then Birkin realizes he should probably keep quiet about that until he knows her a bit better so he just. Quickly shuts up and follows a few paces behind her.]

So what's it like being a witch, speaking of morality.

Sure, cultural context can change a lot, but I don't think consent is one of those things.

--Oh, um, being a witch is sort of... witchy? [It's a weak response, and she deflates.] It's kind of messy, to be honest, at least when you get in as deep as I am. It's about the opposite of simple. But sometimes it's-- really rewarding, and it's nice to not be useless.

Yeah, I understand. I've never really been on my own like this, you know? I've always been someone's right hand man or something like that... I feel so useless without someone protecting me; I can't do much on my own...

Wow anyway this is depressing! Moving on... What's the deal with the people who run this place? Were they just really bored or something?

[Talk about conversational whiplash. He keeps changing the subject rather conspicuously, but Willow only raises her eyebrows in a side glance at him as they walk.

Far be it from her to judge someone for being socially awkward.] We don't really have any idea about the people that run this. I want to try to find answers, same as everyone else, I bet, but so far it's been... pretty upsettingly slow.

But I'm sure you're not useless. [Actually she had no idea if he was useless, she was just saying that to be nice.] You're not on your own, anyway? There's a whole bunch of us here and most of us aren't crazed racist murderers.

Yeah, but I tend to get along better with crazed racist murderers. ...And one crazed sexist murderer.

[FIRST IMPRESSIONS: UR DOIN IT RITE]

Ohhhh no, I was starting to like you, so take that back right now!

[She wags a finger at him.] You're turning over a new leaf, as of your arrival. No more murderers for you, William Birkin. It's forbidden.

Uhhhhh. [He shrinks back slightly at the finger wagging.]

Whatever you say! Honestly, I've been giving that sort of thing a bit of a break anyway, considering Stein's pretty much the police. His world, his rules and all. Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that any murderers hanging out in here probably have bigger things to worry about than murdering anyone or talking to a creepy scientist. [Cue the nervous giggles]

[She relents when he shrinks back, just pursing her lips at the continued discussion of murderers.]

You'd think so, but no. There's plenty of senseless killing that goes on. I even tell them I'll enforce consequences, which is not my typical role, that's Buffy's! And they don't take me seriously at all!

[Willow pouts.] It's because I wear fuzzy sweaters and say things like plucky and snazzlefrazzle, isn't it? No one believes that I can be badass.

[Birkin chuckles] No one believes I can be a badass either. But I think that's mostly just because I can't be a badass in most circumstances.

It's not like being badass is all that great, anyway. Who cares if you can tear off limbs?

It's not exactly a great date quality. Hey honey, guess what I did today! I tore someone to pieces! Sheesh.

[Cue the nervous laughter. To Birkin, that actually was a pretty good date quality.] Yeah...

Though I know some non-limb-tearing badasses! My friend Issei, for example!

Well, sometimes the limb-tearing is necessary, [she says matter-of-factly,] though I still think it's pretty gross and should be avoided when possible.

What's Issei like?

He's really nice. He's a Buddhist monk, gay. I think he's 21 now. For whatever reason, he really likes me, and stands up for me and stuff. Also he's really good at martial arts!

["For whatever reason"? This guy needs some self-confidence.

They're just about at the right floor now, and Willow leads the way unhesitating through the door on the landing into the cafeteria.] A gay monk? I don't think monks do that where I'm from. Or the nuns, which is a lot more relevant to my interests.

Oh hoh. You should meet my ex-girlfriend. Sex worker, a professional slave, actually, had a thing for knowing people's kinks and probably had a nun outfit stashed somewhere. And she definitely preferred women, so maybe she'd be right up your alley. ...Heh, maybe that's why I'm the only man she ever elected to be with...

[He follows, glancing around the cafeteria. It wasn't exactly Shibusen's cafeteria, but that was a hard one to out-do. Step up from the crap he was stuck with on the island though, at the very least.]

[Her eyebrows just go up and up and up as he recounts this.] Uh. That's... a little too colorful for me to, handle. At all. Besides, I'm strictly a one troll kind of woman right now.

Which you probably shouldn't ask about unless you want an essay. [Turning to duck into the kitchen.]

Woah woah woah! Wait, hang on, time out. You're with one of those murderous psycho kids?

[Halting in place and being offended now.]

Hey! They are not all murderous or psycho! And he's not a kid, either, he's my age. So thankfully keep your presumptions to yourself on this one, Dr. Birkin.

Sorry that one of them tried to gut me once! I can't exactly move past that, yikes...

But if he's your age then he's obviously not one of the trolls I know, because they're all six swoops old.

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