Long lost days of you and me

[vermicompost]

Characters: Kariya Matou and open
Setting: The dormitories and the meadow (or anywhere else, if anyone would like to take him somewhere, as he isn't very mobile on his own– he likes visitors, and trips.)
Format: Action to start, but prose is fine, too
Summary: It's only been a year or so, by Kariya's reckoning (when he can remember), but time and magical parasites have taken their toll.
Warnings: blood and possible body horror or angst



Kariya's Room:

[It's difficult for him to move at all, yet he has his wheelchair, and he can push it a little ways. It's hard for him to leave the dormitories, yet sometimes he still tries. Not now. For the moment, he's resting in his room, his eyes closed, even though he isn't sleeping. It's hard for him to fall asleep.

His body is smaller than it used to be. He's shrunk. Both his eyes are oddly whitish, both sides of him equally affected by what lives within him. His pale skin is all lines and veins, and the movement of the worms within him is evident beneath it, where it shows. His skin appears so thin, it seems it might break at any moment. All of him seems like it might break. Sometimes it does. His skin cracks in lines where it's thinnest, and the blood seeps out. He hardly notices when that happens. Maybe it's because it happens all the time, or maybe he simply isn't thinking clearly enough to realize.

He mutters to himself sometimes, and today is no exception. Sakura, he says often, or he mumbles something about going back home. Back home. He's going to get there. He'll go back to the War, he'll fight and he'll win, and he'll make everything all right again. Suddenly, he speaks, his voice firming, loud enough to be heard clearly.]

I'll help everyone go home.

[That's what he'll do.]

The Dormitory Hallways:

[Kariya wheels himself slowly along. He probably won't get very far, but he likes the feeling of moving forward. (He hasn't told anyone he was going.) He likes to travel. He used to travel once, didn't he? He feels so confined when he's in his room too long, trapped in one place. It's better to get out and around. Unfortunately, the corridors are so confusingly, frustratingly similar.

When he's gone a certain distance, he forgets how far he's come and where he was headed. He stops in the middle of the hallway, not sure whether to go forward or back. Maybe if he waits here long enough, he'll remember. Or maybe it wasn't so important. This is a change of scenery, isn't it? He sits back and gazes down the corridor, a wasted figure with white hair, waiting for someone or something interesting to arrive. He can't see very well, but his expression, if anyone were close enough to read it, is a hopeful one.]

The Meadow:

[It's a good day when he can get to the meadow. Some days, he's stronger, if only a little. The meadow is his favorite floor. It's beautiful there. It makes him smile. The grass and the flowers remind him of the park where he used to play with the children. Sometimes he thinks it is that park. But not today. No, he's thinking more clearly today. He moves a thin arm and manages to take out his photograph, from where he always keeps it, in the pocket of his jacket. It's wrinkled and torn and stained with blood, but it's his. His picture of his family: that's Aoi standing beside him, his wife, and with them are two little girls: their two daughters, Rin and Sakura. When he goes home, he'll see them again. They'll be happy again.

He's forgotten that he never married, that he never had children. But why would he want to remember a thing like that?]

Comments

[redbranch]

You'd know, though. You're her father. And a man's gotta act on his gut instinct sometimes.

[vermicompost]

It might be nice, that's all...

Would I? Oh no, I think that's more something a mother would know.

[And Aoi isn't here, of course. It's been so long since he's seen her.]

I wish her mother were here. She'd be able to help me with these things.

[redbranch]

[There's a moment of silence, and then he nods.]

But you're all she has right now. So you get the final say.

[vermicompost]

I want Rin to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. I don't want to order her around. Not as if she'd listen to me. [He smiles, fondly.]

But mothers know more about these things, don't they? When I was Rin's age, I was already dating her mother, so I don't have much experience.

[redbranch]

Ah, I was married even before I was her age, so I don't really know either.

[That's what happened when you started charming ladies when young. All the older men urged you to hurry up and find the perfect woman so you wouldn't steal away all their wives.]

And I've never raised a child to her age before.

[He lets himself wonder for a moment what an adult Connla would be like. More responsible than his father, most likely.]

[vermicompost]

People did marry earlier then. I suppose neither of us are experts. Maybe Rin knows better than both of us. I just hope she'll find someone to be happy with, like I did.

[He sobers as Lancer mentions not raising a child to her age. It's not the first time they've spoken of Lancer's family, and he doesn't like to bring up painful subjects. After all, he's avoiding his own painful subjects so well.]

I'm sorry.

[redbranch]

It's alright. Was a long time ago.

[Now that he's older and more inured to pain of the emotional kind, he can easily speak of these things.]

[vermicompost]

[If Kariya had been through a similar situation, he would never have recovered. Spoilers: he doesn't.]

If you win the War, you could ask to make things different.

[The War, in Kariya's mind, has become a strange, shadowy, promising thing, which awaits them when they go home. He doesn't quite remember the details, or when he does, they come in pieces.

He knows the winners have their wishes granted.]

[redbranch]

[He shakes his head.]

That's not something I'd use the Grail for.

[Even if he did have a wish on the Grail, or if there existed a perfect Holy Grail that could grant a wish without so much sacrifice, he wouldn't use it for that. The past molded him into who he was. He couldn't change that, even if it was tragic. Besides, miracles were something for the living, not the dead.]

[vermicompost]

I would. I'd do anything to keep my children safe.

[Including warping all of time. But he doesn't exactly remember his role in the War very well.]

But I don't have to wish that, since they're here with me.

[His belief that Sakura is in the Tower comes and goes, as is the case with his mind in general.]

If I had the Grail, I would wish for them to be happy.

[redbranch]

That's a wish you can fulfill with your own two hands. But...if you wanna use a Grail on it, then sure. Go ahead. It's better than some of the other wishes out there.

[Again, no comment on Sakura.]

[vermicompost]

Yes, you're right, I can, but nothing is more important to me than that. [Kariya pauses, going still.] But I did have a wish.

[He frowns.]

Didn't I? It was for something important.

[redbranch]

I'm sure you'll remember it when you get the Grail. For now, I say just enjoy your life.

[He would rather no one mess with the Grail again. Not after someone tried to use Rin as one.]

[vermicompost]

[He looks down at his hands. They're little more than skin, bone, and worms.]

There was something I wanted, more than anything. I shouldn't have forgotten. [He's still trying to remember.] I forget things sometimes. Too often now.

What would you wish for, Lancer? A good fight, you said?

[redbranch]

Do you? I hear there's some herbs that are really good for stimulating memory. I'll find you some the next time I come visit.

[He nods.]

That was why I answered the Grail's call. But just getting called into the War, getting the chance to meet and fight against all the other Servants--you can call that wish one that's already been fulfilled. So if I did get the Grail, maybe I'll just wish for a beer.

I want an AU where Lancer wins and wishes for the most evil beer

[vermicompost]

Thank you. I'd like that. It's important. Something was wrong, very wrong... That's why I have to get home. There has to be a way home, doesn't there, Lancer?

So your wish was already granted. You're lucky, then.

I want it too

[redbranch]

There should be. They brought us in, so we can get out once we find out how it works.

I'm a pretty lucky guy, all things considered.

[Lies you have E-rank luck]

[vermicompost]

That's right. It just seems like it's been so long, and no one's found anything.

I'm lucky too, to have my family.

[But he sounds uncertain as he says that. He pauses.]

When people disappear from here, do you think they go home, or do you think they die? There are graves in the graveyard for the people who've gone, and they don't come back. Maybe there's a way we can really die here. [Sometimes he does think it would be better for him to die. If not for Rin and for the pressing need he feels to go home, to do something important, he might try dying. It might be a relief.]

[redbranch]

[He shakes his head.]

I don't know. If they died, their bodies would be in the grave, right?

[He just didn't feel like digging any up to find out.]

But a lot of the time, they're pretty healthy before they disappear. If they died, what made them just...die like that?

[vermicompost]

Maybe. Maybe not. I just wonder where they go. I've met so many people here who've gone and haven't come back.

If the administrators can bring us back to life, they can kill us, can't they? It seems like they can do anything to us that they want. [Now he's getting melancholy again.]

[redbranch]

I don't know. I've never seen them kill anyone off permanently.

[Though dying too many times in a row did give you some side effects. He had found that out by now.]

I think we're more valuable to Jason alive, though.

[Maybe that's the reason he keeps bringing people back, although everything else he did just made everyone hate his guts and get into competitions to piss him off.]

[vermicompost]

But maybe when people disappear, that's what happens to them. A lot of people have gone away and never come back. Maybe we just don't see- when that happens.

People come and go all the time. It doesn't seem like we're valuable to them. Not as individuals.

It might be kinder, sometimes, to let that happen. [If not for his need to help Sakura, to be strong for his family...]

[redbranch]

...Maybe.

[He definitely knows that some people in the Tower crave or deserve a final death. But at the same time, he would also do everything in his power to keep those people alive. It was because he considered them friends, so he wanted to see them alive and happy.]

[...Even if he had to lie to them.]

But, I'm glad we're the ones who are still alive. Because as long as you're alive, you'll always find some way to enjoy life.