towerofanimus | I'm sorry...

Entry tags:

I'm sorry...

Characters: Tohko Amano and Lancer (Cu Chulainn)
Setting: Floor 78.
Format: I'm starting in prose, but I'll match you!
Summary: Tohko, upon sending her note to Lancer, sits down in a corner and waits for him to return while trying to deal with Ganon's curse. Lancer..then attempts a mercy kill.
Warnings: Tohko's death.

Ganon's curse was getting even worse now. Her dreams had been filled with images of a burning library, and her parents screams..and her feet had turned to stone. She could still walk, but she was in utter agony, and couldn't wear any shoes.

Even though anything she ate had tasted like hot coals, she had forced herself to eat a small collection of love stories after finishing her library duties. She was starving..but every bite burned. After leaving the library, she began the long and painful climb up the stairs, using one of the walls to help support herself. She was in pain..but she had to keep going. She had to get to the mailroom.

There, after catching her breath and trying to calm down, she read Lancer's latest letter. Using a scrap of paper in her pocket and her pen, she jotted down a reply before carefully sitting down in a corner to wait for him.

She was exhausted..but she would try to put on a good smile when he came in. She didn't want to make him worry even more.

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Shortly after her arrival, Lancer appeared in the room, materializing from his spirit form.

"Hey, kid."

His tone sounds more somber than it usually is.

"Looks like it's progressing pretty fast."

He walks over to her quickly, reaching out to support her if she happens to stumble or fall.

Tohko, of course, wore a smile as she managed to stand up. She stumbled a little bit, but she managed to right herself, keeping one hand on the wall.

"Hey, Lancer..I suppose it is. I guess I'll turn into stone eventually. Probably in two or three days."

She then looked him over..he didn't have any stone on him.

"How are you holding up? You don't have any stone on you.."

"Ah, me?"

He scratches his head, looking a bit sheepish.

"It went away when I died and then came back. The curse...it's kinda weird."

For one thing, slowing it down and even removing it didn't reverse the effects.

At that, Tohko sighed and, using her free hand, tried to pat Lancer on the head. If she failed, she would settle for a shoulder pat.

"..I see. I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully you're alright now. And how else is this curse weird?"

He bends over so her hand can reach his head.

"For one thing, it's a bitch to fix, but you probably already know that. Secondly, I'm not sure how well the effects will reverse."

If she was unlucky, Tohko might get stuck with stone feet until she died and regenerated.

At that, Tohko managed a small smile.

"I wouldn't imagine Santadorf's curses being easy to remove or fix. And..I don't really know either. Any cure I find might heal everything or it might just stop the stone's progression."

..Not that Tohko would really mind that, unless her feet broke off before she died.

He slowly nods.

"I'll try to help you, but I need to carry you to a better place."

A more private one, at the least.

He reaches over to scoop her into a carry.

Tohko allowed herself to be scooped up, and was reminded a little bit of Diarmuid.

"Thanks..I'm sorry about all the trouble. I didn't mean to make you worry when you were being bothered by this too."

"It's not problem. My fault for not seeing the letter early enough."

He had been more worried about Tetra.

"Are you comfortable like this? I'm gonna start moving now."

"Oh, it's alright! I don't see how any of this is your fault. It was Ganon who decided to curse all of us, after all."

Tohko didn't know that Tetra had been involved..but if she knew, she would have been worried. However, at that question, she managed a weak smile. She was still in pain..but it was a bit better when she wasn't on her feet.

"Don't worry, I'm alright! Go ahead."

He takes off, faster than any human should be able to go. He ascends the floors quickly, only slowing down as the floors that remove his powers hamper his speeds. He goes until he reaches floor eighty-six, where he is careful to avoid the fairy rings as he sets Tohko down.

"Now, I need you to lie still."

He's taking a gamble, coming up to a floor populated by the fae. But where there is fae, there should be mana, and that would certainly help with his magecraft.

Thankfully, since Diarmuid ran at ridiculous speeds as well, Tohko had gotten used to the high speeds..even if she did feel like she was on a roller coaster. Which, considering the circumstances, didn't make her aches and pains any better. When they reached the floor with the fairy rings, Tohko looking around, hoping that the angel statue she had encountered here with Enoch was gone..and since it was, she breathed a sigh of relief to herself as Lancer put her down.

"Alright. What are you planning on doing? Using magic?"

"Magecraft. But you could call it runic magic."

He generates his spear, using it to quickly scrawl his runs in a circle around Tohko. Then, above her, he uses a finger to draw runes of sight to try and see how the curse binds her.

If Lancer hadn't told Tohko to not move, she would have nodded her head.

"Ah, that's right! That is what Waver called it."

..Yeah, Waver had spilled to beans to Tohko months before the network flames and hijinks. Not that he had meant to.

Lancer would find that the curse was the same as the one Ganon put on him..but hers had started on the sixth instead of the third.

"...Man, that kid and his mouth."

Though he complains, there's no bitterness to be found in his voice. At worst, he sounds distracted as he picks through Tohko's curse. It's a strong one, one that binds its victim tightly. In addition, the system of magic is completely foreign to him. Rune after rune is drawn. Tohko might feel the heat of prana coursing through her, making her feel like she is being set aflame.

The magecraft that Lancer was using was, in some ways, more painful than Ganon's curse. She clenched her fists to keep from crying out as she spoke with a smile.

"Well, it's not really his fault..he tried to cover it up, but I just kept making the right deductions. Eventually, he gave up trying to hide everything from me."

There's no answer this time. He's too focused on trying to undo the curse. Even with the stronger mana on this floor, it might take more prana than he or the surroundings can provide to undo this curse.

The progression is slow and tedious, but he finally manages to force the curse to retract somewhat, or at least to slow down. He looks over at the girl lying there.

"How are you holding up?"

Reducing the curse was almost as painful as the curse itself. It felt like her bones were on fire, and not just her stomach. However, Tohko just kept on gripping her hands and did her best to smile.

It probably came out a little weak though.

"I'm alright.."

He gives her a little nod and then returns to his work. Now that the curse has slowed, it's a little easier to work through it. Soon, he has it at a point where he thinks it's either undone or at least contained.

But even if it's been undone, the ravages to the girl's body cannot be healed. Even he has no way of restoring her petrified parts.

"Tohko..."

He sounds rather grim as he speaks, calling her by her real name for once.

While Tohko liked the fact the he was calling her by her first name, she didn't miss how..grim he sounded. Was he unable to undo the curse or cure her? It was fine if he couldn't.

"Yes? What's..wrong?"

"The good new is, I stopped the curse's advance. The bad news is that I can't reverse its effects. The petrified parts of your body won't go back to being flesh."

He stops to give her a moment to let everything sink in.

At that, Tohko forced herself to smile through the pain and..sat up. She still had her hands balled up into fists to try and help it along.

"Well..that's alright! At least I won't turn into a statue now. Thank you..I really do appreciate it..but why do you sound so sad?"

"There is a way to reverse the damage. One that I probably have to 'thank' the Tower for. Basically, starting everything over."

He grips his spear.

"You'd suffer quite a bit, probably for a long time, if you just left now. But...if you died as I did, you'd come back without any traces of the curse."

..And the mask of a smile fell when she heard what Lancer was suggesting. Lancer..probably meant well by this. After all, he was a friend, and he was trying to make this sound good.

..But..Tohko couldn't allow herself to just die like that, even if it would free her from the pain right now. That would make her a hypocrite.

After all, she had saved Chia, even though she had tried to kill herself, due to the pain of her shame. She couldn't do that and still look Chia in the eye!

"Lancer..I'm sorry..but..I don't want to choose that option! No way! I'd be a hypocrite if I did! And, since we're friends, that would hurt you too! So..no way!"

"...I'm not gonna force you."

His voice shakes, just a little.

"But are you sure? If you stay and linger...it might end up killing you eventually anyways."

She would be near immobile in case of a crisis, anyways.

Tohko bit her lip as she managed to stand up. Her feet were in horrible pain, and she herself wasn't feeling well..but she was still alive. Immortality was painful, that she knew..but that didn't mean she would willingly walk into death if she didn't have to.

She sighed before she replied.

"..My feet..may break off eventually..but as long as I can stop the bleeding, I'll still be alive. I'll..have to grab some canes..and make a bag to carry them in..but I'll be alright."

Tohko was pretty stubborn..so if Lancer wanted to pull off this mercy kill, he would have to be just as stubborn and really convince her.

Or stab her when she wasn't looking.

"You'd rather force yourself to live like that?"

In a world where death was permanent, Lancer would do everything to help her stay alive, but in a world where death was only temporary and could even be used as a reset...

It would be foolish to force oneself past the limit, wouldn't it? Especially when the one talking is only a schoolgirl.

"Why?"

Misaya had wanted to live too. But in the end, she accepted her death.

Then again, not every girl could be like Misaya.

Tohko sighed again and nodded. Her smile was gone..but she looked pretty determined.

"I would! It might be painful..but if I could keep living like that, I wouldn't mind..and as for why..back home, I knew a girl named Chia Takeda. She had trouble with empathy and couldn't properly feel the things others felt. She was so ashamed by this that she dried to kill herself..but my friend and I managed to stop her and convince her to keep going and find an alternative."

Here, Tohko sighed again, and her fists gripped her skirt. Her grip was starting to hurt her hands, and if her hands hurt on top of everything else, that wouldn't help.

"However..she's probably still in pain, due to her shame, even though she did keep on living. If I allowed you to kill me..I would be a hypocrite! There's no way I could look Chia in the face after that!"

"You can redeem yourself from shame."

It might take really fucking long, but it could be done.

"And in your world, her death would have been an end to everything. But we come back here."

Even when they didn't want to, they came back.

"This is a brave sentiment, but I don't know if I can let you pull this off."

His spear is now pointed at her.

Tohko noticed that Lancer's spear was now pointed at her. She gripped her skirt even tighter and forced herself to start walking backwards. However, she was slow, as she didn't wand to step in any fairy rings.

..And the pain really didn't help her speed at all.

"That's true..however..while it might take Chia awhile to redeem herself and throw away the mask for some people, she'll never be able to stop wearing it in front of others."

Tohko then sighed.

"..And we can come back here..but I still would have allowed you to kill me to end my suffering. I would still go down the same path Chia did, even if I can't die. I..know that this is probably..painful for you as well, since we're friends..but..I don't want you to kill me. Please..lower your spear."

"I..."

There is no good way to do this. How does he explain that he is killing her for her own good? How does he justify it, even to himself?

"...I know this is horrible. I wouldn't choose this if there was any other way."

Even as he speaks, the words sound hollow. He knows he'll feel horrible once this deed is done. He knows that she would probably hate him afterwards.

But it's the only solution he can see. And the only way he can protect her.

"Sorry. I won't ask you to forgive me."

And then he starts moving toward her.

In response, Tohko kept slowly moving backwards, moving out of the way of any fairy rings when she felt her feet bump into a mushroom. She sighed to herself.

"..I just gave you an alternative..it's not a good one..but it's one I could live with..and I don't know if I'll be able to forgive you..but I won't hate you."

While she didn't like what he was trying to do, she did realize that he was trying to help her, in his own way, and that this option pained him, since they were both friends.

After she said that, she turned and tried to run..but only fell flat on her face after a few steps. Her feet were in too bad a shape to run, and she was in too much pain. She quickly tried to stand up, biting on her lip and quietly cursing herself to falling victim to an old cliche.

Even if she were at normal speeds, he could have easily moved to block her escape, given his power as a Servant. There isn't even a hint of excitement as he closes the space between them and hooks his arms around her waist. The memories of Misaya's death pop up in his mind again. There's no hesitation this time. His scarlet spear is thrust down to pierce her chest. The curse bound to Gae Bolg would surely destroy her heart and kill her in a matter of seconds.

Tohko didn't want to die..but she didn't want to fight Lancer either, so she didn't draw her dagger to block or fight back. Lancer was too fast for her to do either anyway.

The only thing she could do was scream and cry in pain as his spear plunged into her chest and smashed her heart. In a few seconds, she would die..but she wouldn't say anything to Lancer. What could she say at this moment of time that she hadn't already said? She wasn't sure she could forgive him right now-if ever-so she couldn't say anything like that..

All she could do was just scream and cry as she died. Nothing more. However, her eyes would be open when she did.

All things considered, the killing had been quick, brutal, and efficient. Quicker than it should have been, considering what he was doing.

It was the scream that made him doubt his actions even as he pulled the spear out. He wanted to give her a peaceful death. One that would let her come back healed of her injuries. What he had done was terrify her.

As a Servant summoned into the Grail War, he had been prepared to kill innocent people who would play witness to a battle between him and his enemies. Yet, this was different. With his own hands, he had killed an innocent person against their will. An innocent person who was also a friend that he wanted to protect.

What sort of hero was he? The same doubt he had upon Misaya's death invades his mind again. He doesn't deserve to be a hero. He doesn't deserve to be Cu Chulainn.

With a shaking hand, he closes Tohko's eyes and mouth, and then crosses her hands on her chest. He'll leave the body there, lying in the meadow. There's really no good place to take her.

Then, he dashes back to the stair case. He needs to find a good place to isolate himself once his emotions stop being numb from shock.

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