Never got to thank him

[warriorscribe]

Characters: Enoch and anyone (attn: a certain other two who received a certain thing)
Setting: Various places throughout the day
Format: I'm starting in prose but I'll match you.
Summary: Enoch has never dealt well with loss...
Warnings: I don't know if grief counts as a warning. Gory details may be brought up in comments?

Room 3-18, 5am

Enoch has been awake all night, kneeling in front of his trunk. How does one sleep after something like that? He's been trying to leave his roommates undisturbed as much as he could, weeping quietly if he couldn't hold it in, occasionally raising his face to the ceiling, mouth open in a silent scream of anguish and despair.

He has three feedback forms in front of him on the trunk, and he's been scratching at one of them the entire time. He had to reach out to those who wouldn't know what it's like, the pain of loss...but he ended up putting more thought into it than he believed he ever would.

When he gets up and leaves the room an hour later, it's with only one of them in hand.


Mailroom(F78), 7am

He checks it every morning, even though there's rarely anything in it. Having a routine helps in a place like this.

But he wasn't expecting what he found in his. He reads the letter he's recieved three times before carefully folding it and putting it in his pocket. He leans on the wall of boxes, rubbing an eye puffy and dark from crying and lack of sleep.

Burn his last words...? He understood, but... He sank down to the floor, a fresh wave of grief bringing tears to eyes he thought he'd cried dry earlier that morning.


Sauna(F77), 7:30am

And what should he notice immediately downstairs but something that seemed out of place to him somehow. It took some moments, punctuated with sniffs to keep himself from crying again, before he looked around and realized where he'd seen it - or where he hadn't.

"I'm sorry..." he says to the first resident he sees, his voice hoarse. "What is this level meant to be?"


Cafeteria(F1), 12:30pm

Enoch seems to have finally found sleep. There's a bowl of tomato soup that seems as if only a quarter of it has been eaten, and Enoch has passed out face-down beside it, spoon still clasped loosely in the hand that hangs at his side. The ends of some of his hair on that side have dipped into the bowl.


Outdoor Forest(F32), 4:30pm

If you saw him in the cafeteria, it's clear he didn't sleep long, considering he's up here now. He's wrapped up in his cloak, standing before a fire. It's a small fire, kindled by whatever he could find; the remnants of a few odd pieces of wood from wherever are visible at the edges of the flame.

He's got that letter out again, and he reads it over and over, mouth moving subtly, but not actually forming the words on the page.

Eventually, he reaches out his hand, and drops the letter into the fire.

Then Enoch kneels, his head bowed and hands clasped, and prays with the intent of being heard for the second time in the tower, for the third time since leaving Earth.

Lord, if you can hear me, if you are alive to hear me, if you have any hold over this world, please see Dax's soul to its rightful place, be it with his ancestors or on to reincarnation, or...elsewhere. If demons should have claim to it, please try to wrest it from them. I am ever your faithful servant. Please answer me, if you can. Please...

He doesn't realize he's shaking and crying until he comes out of this state, and he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, sitting down to watch the flames dance, his face blank and eyes at the meeting point of exhaustion, fear, sorrow, and anger.

Comments

[tohko_amano]

"We should have..but I'm terrible with getting the proper interpretation to these things sometimes, and you took it for something else. Granted..you got the correct end result..but neither of us thought he would talk to Riki. I thought the two acted like friends or close colleges, but that might have been just me."

Maybe he could have. After all, Dax didn't mention Riki in his list of complaints to Ruana. He specifically mentioned the monsters and Jason..but not him.

[warriorscribe]

"Riki might have sympathy for our grief... But I don't think we can expect any more help from the inside. He seems indifferent to us, and he thinks nothing of 'distracting' us if he thinks there's going to be a need for it."

At least, though...at least he wasn't like Jason or...especially not like Ruana.

[tohko_amano]

Tohko sighed and nodded.

"..We probably can't expect any obvious help from him, but he might try to help out in the shadows due to the sympathy. You're right though-we can't ask him for any help in the future or count on it to be given."

[warriorscribe]

"I want to believe both the remaining men would help us if it meant being free of Ruana's tyranny. But...we can depend on neither."

They were unpredictable, and if everyone had spoken the truth in the past then it's the only life they've ever known. Only Dax had ever seemed aware it was wrong...and by Riki's remark, that he'd gone soft, he wasn't always that way.

Enoch took a deep breath.

"Someone said on the network once, that people will often choose a familiar oppression over an unfamiliar freedom."

[tohko_amano]

"..I think Jason would much rather take Ruana's place. We can depend on him even less than we can depend on Riki or Zo."

..And if Enoch was to remind Tohko of that fact, she would start searching for what had changed Dax so that she could change Riki as well. Maybe. However, since he hadn't mentioned that, all she did was sigh before replying to his last statement.

"..That sounds like something Wilhelm might say..but you know, if the oppression gets too much to bear, if people don't like it, they could choose the unfamiliar over the familiar. I guess it boils down to whether you believe humanity can make the right choices or not, even if they are afraid."

[warriorscribe]

"I do believe we can make the right choices. But in the case of only two men who have just been reminded of the power of their oppressor...

"I think that if they even consider the choice, choosing it will be very difficult. It is why we can't rely on them - we may rely on Riki to show no malice. But...for help...no."

[tohko_amano]

Tohko sighed and scratched her head.

"I agree that we can't rely on Riki to help us out right now. Unless the situation dramatically improves, he'll probably show us less malice and try to help us out in the shadows..or when he feel safe enough to do so. We can't rely on him now.

What I am hoping is that we might be able to rely on him later. That's all."

[warriorscribe]

Enoch doubted Riki would help from the shadows at all - that was what Dax had been doing, up until he'd had enough and emerged from them.

Perhaps someday he would. Perhaps the prospect of being...less palatable to Ruana would be a good contributing motivation.

But to Enoch, now, it seemed as if it was...very unlikely.

"He thinks nothing of playing with our minds for a 'distraction', when simply posting guards would do. I doubt we will have another Dax for years to come."

[tohko_amano]

The possibility of Riki helping out seemed low to Tohko too..but her hope in him was a bit higher than Enoch's. She wasn't placing any eggs in that direction..but she would keep hoping that Riki might decide to work secretly in the shadows if he felt safe enough.

If.

"..I admit, that was cruel, and while there are a couple of reasons he might not have been able to not harm us, he's probably done similar things in the past. And..Enoch, Dax is dead. He isn't coming back. People, even clones, can't ever fully replace the one that's died or been lost. However, we do have kind residents here..and, maybe someday, Riki will change."

Tohko sighed again.

"Hopefully."

[warriorscribe]

Enoch buried his face in his hands. It was all too raw and recent for patience to be a factor.

"You haven't heard that expression, have you? Do you truly think I would believe there would truly be another Dax, identical to the real man?"

A sigh into his palms. Having the death brought up was painful in its own right...

[tohko_amano]

Tohko paused for a moment, taking in those words and sighed. If Enoch allowed it, she would place a hand on his shoulder and keep it there.

"..No..I don't. I'm sorry..that was stupid to say. I forgot for the moment who exactly I was talking to."

She then sighed again. She knew she had written this down earlier..but, if he hadn't gotten the note yet, there was nothing wrong with saying it.

"..I also owe you another apology. Back when you returned from Meridian, I said..that everything you experienced could have been an illusion. I apologize. That was cruel of me to say, even if I was filled with false hope at the time."

[warriorscribe]

Enoch did allow it.

He had to wonder, though, if she kept particularly unobservant or dim-witted company.

"It's all right. I was guilty of telling some people it likely wasn't real, as well, in the hopes it would cheer them. I hadn't yet experienced it for myself..."

[tohko_amano]

Sadly, some of the people Tohko knew weren't the brightest..but she was just so used to explaining things, no matter who, that it had popped in, even here. Even with a person who already understood.

At that, Tohko sighed and nodded.

"Right..I suppose you'll have to apologize to them later, if you haven't already."

[warriorscribe]

"If there is a later. I don't think they're here anymore..."

Which is all the worse, isn't it? That they're on the ruins of their world, and when they come back there will still be people telling them it wasn't real, none of it was real...

[tohko_amano]

Well..that was pretty horrible. Which was putting it mildly. It was torture, being stuck in a dead universe like that.

"..Hopefully they'll come back soon so that we can help them then."

[warriorscribe]

"With any luck...we will find Dax's work in restoring our worlds. You and I may not know the technology here well enough to understand what he's found, but perhaps someone else here can."

Enoch is an optimist, in the way that a man such as him is one. A grounded, practical optimism, one of believing all will eventually work out even if the instant is bleak.

[tohko_amano]

At that, Tohko nodded and tried to smile a little.

"Hopefully we will..and there are a lot of people here from futuristic worlds. They can probably decipher his data, and we can learn from them and help as best we can. I'm not sure if we can restore all the dead souls..but it'll be a start."

[warriorscribe]

Were the others' souls really dead? Or were they trapped, roaming-...

"No. The phantoms. They're here..."

With his soul theory proven right, it can only mean Gandalf's phantom theory was true as well.

"But they're so entwined with one another not even Jason recognizes them for what they are, even given the way they arrived here..."

[tohko_amano]

Tohko paused for a moment, thinking. This..wasn't good. She had never encountered these phantoms or really heard much about them, but..if there were monsters that were just entwined souls of the ones they knew and love, beyond all rescuing..that was horrible.

At that, Tohko sighed.

"..I see..I wonder if there's a way we can surpass Jason's ability then? It's..terribly cruel to leave them like that..and they must be in agony."

Another sigh.

"..I hope they're not similar to the Nephalim in your universe.."

[warriorscribe]

"I doubt we can surpass him...But we need to learn what he's learning. He is our only chance at understanding anything more about them..."

He doubted they were anything like the Nephilim - they weren't really bound to anyone, and they were actual, normal souls...just...like that. Enoch stared into the fire. Armaros, Steve, Zeph, Asato, Ashraf, Tatsuya, Jun... And those from his own world, too...those stranded when the force that destroyed Meridian destroyed Earth through its link with him...

Armaros...

"...He is likelier than any of us to find a way to separate them."

[tohko_amano]

In Tohko's head, they were a little similar. Sure, the souls that had been warped together weren't children, and they weren't eating anything..but they were probably experiencing a lot of pain and confusion..and they did harm people.

Tohko nodded at that. If one were good at reading faces, she might look a bit..determined. Dax's letter had given her some hope, some newfound energy and strength.

"Right..I know. At this point in time, he knows more about how souls in this universe, how they work, and everything else. People may want to kill him..but we have to keep him alive, even if he is a sadist. We may not be able to get everyone free without him."

[warriorscribe]

"Nor may we be able to stay alive."

Enoch's sadness was not itself a lack of determination or hope. An opportunity like none other had been presented. Facts had come to light and been confirmed. They had more to work with than ever before.

Enoch just had to grieve first, for everything that all of this meant. There would be time to act. That time was not now.

[tohko_amano]

Tohko sighed and nodded.

"..That's true too. But..hopefully, someday, we'll know enough and have enough so that we won't have to rely on Jason anymore."

Tohko didn't see it as a lack of determination or hope. His comment was more or less stating the obvious, reinforcing what they already knew.

Tohko had grieved a little bit..but she was tired of grieving. She couldn't help anyone in despair, and now that she was burdened with a bit more, she would have to rise above it and work at it. It would be easier to help people with a smile.

At least, that's what she thought, anyway.

[warriorscribe]

The man had died last night. Enoch was far from done with grief; in fact he never really was ever done with it. He just worked through it instead of over it.

Part of him doubted anyone could replicate Jason's knowledge without conscious help from the man himself. He seemed the type to keep certain things to himself, without documenting them or passing them on carelessly. He was a greedy man.

"We'll see the opportunities the future holds. For now...for now..." He sighed and shook his head. His thoughts didn't really do a good job of staying coherent, after everything that had happened, and with as little sleep as he'd managed to get for that.

[tohko_amano]

Tohko, however, was the type to usually jump over grief, if she could. Sometimes, she couldn't.

She didn't share the same doubts about replicating Jason's knowledge either. She had read and heard about the man, but she had never seen or spoken to him. She didn't know much about his personality enough to guess what moves he might make.

However, at Enoch's words and his physical reaction, Tohko nodded.

"For now..we have to rest and try to recover. I don't think anyone managed to get much sleep the other day."