towerofanimus | ☿ // point zero

Entry tags:

☿ // point zero

Characters: Waver and open!
Format: I'll try to match.
Summary: Professor Charisma does some exploring. And science. Magic science. ~~i have no self control so wow this got up quick~~
Warnings: None yet.

[dorm room 3-10]

[Sleep paralysis on its own was enough to put him on edge. Was this some kind of ill-conceived attack with magecraft? No, that wasn't likely--if it was and his would-be opponent had an ounce of sense in their heads, he'd be dead already. In the moments it took him to properly regain his senses, Waver ran through a list of hypothetical causes for this problem...each as unlikely as the last.]

[Finally, he was able to sit up and brush long, disheveled black hair from his face. Now that it occurred to him, Waver couldn't even remember having fallen asleep to begin with. Hadn't he only just been leaving a lecture hall in the Clock Tower? If he'd fainted, this didn't seem like any infirmary they had to his knowledge. As he considered the matter, Waver idly trailed a hand to the back of his own neck and froze. Though the collar's presence disturbed him, he could figure that out later. What caused him to halt in place wasn't the presence of something foreign, but the absence of something familiar.]

That's not possible. It's gone, how the hell can it possibly-- [He muttered under his breath for a second, double checking to be sure whatever it was (likely a necklace of some kind, from how he was acting) had actually gone missing.]

[One might find him shortly after that, rummaging through his trunk with some very determined sense of urgency.]

[floor eighty-one]

[Standing before the windows and looking skyward was one unfazed lecturer in a dark green suit, black hair tied in a long ponytail and sunglasses resting on top of his head. In his hands are a pen and small notebook, and every few minutes he pauses to take something down in chickenscratch handwriting.]

[floor twenty-five]

[Here, said ponytailed and sunglasses-wearing individual seems to be doing something a little strange. Namely, something with a case full of glass vials and liquids that might scream 'mad scientist'.]

[Or 'alchemist', if one knew better.]

[Whatever method he was using, Waver seemed to be analyzing a few specific flowers in the meadow, presumably to determine whether they were magical or supernatural in origin.]

[Judging by the frustrated look on his face? They're probably not.]

[floor three]

[A library; the natural habitat of clever people, especially this one in particular. He examined the shelves with a critical look, a small pile of books on the table nearby. Whatever he's actually looking for, it doesn't seem he's able to find it. He adjusted the sunglasses on his head as though doing so was some odd habit, scowling in faint aggravation.]

[anywhere else]

[Of course, anyone doing this much exploring is bound to run into monsters. Maybe he's on his own, or maybe he stopped to defend someone else. Whatever the case, he shifted into a fighting stance as though it were second nature and immediately moved to take down the enemy before him with swift, precise strikes.]

[When the monster had been taken down and the danger was momentarily avoided, Waver straightened up and did little more than dust off his dark green suit with a completely unfazed look.]

[Yeah. Totally a thing that happens every day, right?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Ah..that answered that. Not the same. A new arrival.]

As the one you knew? Probably not. The administrators claim each and every one of us are from a different world no matter how similar the events may seem. Case in point, there is another version of you in the tower. He is much younger than you are now and comes from a time right after the end of the 4th Grail War. Not long ago, the administrators ran an experiment on us that aged most of us. He ended up looking much like you do now and that is why I was so confused. My apologies.

[He pauses, a sudden sadness filling his eyes.]

It is a cruel trick, them bringing you here when they did. If you had come just a short time earlier, you could have seen Rider again.

You...you idiot, what're you babbling about?

[Waver's demeanor visibly changed, calm reaction turning to the kind of thing he might have displayed ten years beforehand. He didn't quite discard the information on his younger self so much as carefully filed it away before countering in an irritated voice]

Why are you talking like I summoned Rider--no, wait, is that what the other one did? [Even having dropped the collected El-Melloi persona, he was at least capable of logic.]

Yes, didn't you?

[Confusion enters his eyes. Diarmuid understands Second Magic to a degree because of information from both the Grail and the one time his master had gone off on a tangent during one of his rants...

...and remembering that rant makes a spike of pain shoot through Diarmuid's chest. He just barely keeps himself from reaching up and rubbing at the place where he had been force to stab himself. He can't keep himself from reflexively curling his hand into a fist at his side, though.

Back to Second Magic. Most worlds have constants. Things that always happen. With how much Rider had meant to the Waver he knew, could he really have summoned someone else in a different world?]

You...didn't, did you?

I summoned you, idiot!

[Waver took a deep breath to calm himself down, adjusting his sunglasses and frowning--more at himself than at Lancer.]

I'm going to regret this, I just know I am, but...Tell me who your Master was.

Me? But how? I was his replacement... The one who wasn't good enough...

[Diarmuid falls silent for several moments just trying to wrap his head around the idea of someone else summoning him. Especially, this someone else. The one who he had wished had summoned him more than once since he had met him again in the tower.

His eyes widen and for a moment fill with panic. Had his foolish wish somehow bought this Waver here?]

I-I'm sorry!

[Diarmuid drops to his knees in front of Waver, just barely keeping the panic from his voice. It still shows clearly in his eyes.]

This is my fault! I'm the one who wished he had summoned me instead of Kayneth Archibald El-Melloi. I never thought... I...

Lancer--Diarmuid, don't-...

[He'd almost forgotten how difficult Lancer could really be to deal with sometimes. Had it been that long? Waver knelt down as well, carefully putting his hands on the knight's shoulders.]

Calm down. [His voice was quiet, a hesitant smile on his face.] You still apologize too much, you know.

[Diarmuid almost continues his apologies despite Waver's words, but there is something in the other man's tone of voice and touch that stops him. Soothes him.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to try and calm himself. Only once he has settled down does he speak again, but he doesn't open his eyes. It's almost like he thinks he will see something on Waver's face that will contradict that calming feeling.]

I...I do. People here tell me that all the time, but I can't help it. I am sorry. Ever since things...ended for me in the war, I haven't been...right. The tower has only fed on that and twisted me until I sometimes don't even know what I am anymore.

[Diarmuid lows his head, his next words much softer.]

I'm sorry. There is no way I can be the person you are looking for.

No...you're not.

[Waver spoke with conviction to his words, though the tone remained unusually gentle.]

You don't have the same memories or experiences as he did. You don't remember how hard we fought together, or anything like that.

[He sighed, but the smallest smile broke out across his face.]

...That's fine. I don't care what you do or don't remember--'Diarmuid Ua Duibhne' is my friend before anything else, no matter what world he comes from. I don't know what exactly happened to you and I'm sure I'll want to punch Kayneth's teeth down his throat when I find out...but I really don't care if you're the exact Diarmuid I'm looking for or not. You're still Diarmuid, and that's all that matters.

[Laughing to himself, Waver quickly tried to cover up the rare show of actual emotion.]

This isn't fair...I wasn't even supposed to be able to see you again, and now that I have the first thing I do is act like an idiot.

It's all right. I think we are all idiots here.

[The gentle words finally coax Diarmuid to open his eyes and he smiles slightly.]

I should tell you about the fool thing the younger you and I did not long ago. We had the best of intentions, but it backfired horribly. He just wanted to carry on Rider's wishes, but neither he nor I have Rider's charisma. It didn't go well. I'm just glad no one has taken their anger out on him. I was worried for a while, but with everything that happened in February people seem to have forgotten about it.

I'm listening, Diarmuid. Besides, he's used to being called a screwup, trust me.

It wasn't really his fault. It was my idea, but he posted it, so everyone just yelled at him.

[Diarmuid signs and runs a hand through his hair, debating on where to start.]

While Rider was here, he had been working on setting up a meeting between the servants and masters in the tower so that they could discuss their worries, problems and stuff like that. He also wanted everyone to agree to not fight each other since there is no Grail here. Of course, as you can probably guess there were those who didn't like it, but because of Rider being...well Rider...he got most people to agree to come.

That was the month I arrived, by the way, but during that month the tower did one of the things it randomly does and sent Rider home. Waver didn't want to let everything go, though and when I heard he was still going to try and work out something, I offered to help. Since Rider wasn't here to get everyone to behave at an actual meeting, we agreed to delivery a survey to the servants and masters in the tower so they could tell us the things we would have talked about at the meeting.

However, not everyone has a mailbox so I suggested we post it on the network as well. No one was forced to fill it out in full or in part, but when people saw it on the network, they went crazy talking about how he was spilling secrets about the war and putting others in danger.

[Diarmuid bows his head again, this time with shame in his eyes.]

I...didn't approve of all the questions he asked, but since people could always just not answer what they didn't want to, I didn't say anything. The war is over for me back home. Kayneth saw to that, so I have made no secret of who I am here. I just never really stopped to think that most others aren't like me.

...[Waver did little more than sigh at that. People really were idiots--himself included.]

Well...what's done is done, I guess. No point in either of you beating yourselves up over what you can't change. I'm not going to say it was a smart idea, but I don't really see why anyone should really care at this point.

[Diarmuid nods, though there is still shame in his eyes.]

Yes, I know. I am just glad that everyone seems to have forgotten for now. He should be safe, and I am going to try to make sure neither of us make such a mistake again. Too many people do still seem to care even though they really shouldn't. Our worlds are gone...

[He pauses and then points over toward the tubes Waver was using before in an attempt to change the subject.]

What were you working on when I came in? That doesn't look like any kind of magic I'm familiar with.

I was trying to determine if there were any magic traces in this floor--so far, I've come up with nothing.

[Looking faintly embarrassed (or was that some kind of nostalgia?) Waver crossed his arms and glanced around.] It's...just basic alchemy. Nothing to write home about, so to speak.

Edited (I CAN'T SPELL) 2013-03-07 06:00 (UTC)

Why not?

[Diarmuid stands and walks over to look at the things Waver had been working with.]

I mean, why don't you think it's an important thing? Anything that might help you discover something new about this place without expending a lot of energy is a good thing.

[He picks up the tube that Waver had dropped and turns it over in his hand.]

I'm sorry this broke. There is a workshop on the 15th floor. I don't know if there would be more of these, but maybe you can find something to fix it there?

Edited (And apparently, I can't icon...) 2013-03-07 06:06 (UTC)

I can probably fix it later--if not, I think there's a couple extra ones in here.

[He sighed, smiling faintly at some recollection.]

...I'm not a very good magus, Diarmuid. I can only use amateur techniques like this to determine the kind of thing a normal magus would discern without a problem. I've only ever been praised for my techniques once--but I think that was enough for me to live with it. Doesn't mean I have to be thrilled about it, though.

[Diarmuid shakes his head, a stern look entering his eyes.]

There is nothing wrong with using all avenues available to you or being flexible when it comes to gathering information. You never can tell what will happen next in this place. We all lost an hour once only to wake up and find this place had doubled in size. Who knows what else might happen? And if that is the case, it only makes sense to save your true power for when you really need it. If this lets you do that, then why not? It is the smart thing to do. Wearing yourself out in this place unnecessarily can be fatal not just to yourself, but to those you care about.

[Trust him, he knows.]

Though, those who didn't recognize your power were fools. Whoever it was who praised you, he is the only one who should matter. He obviously had sense where the others didn't. Often, those with great power are overlooked because people forget that it's not how much power you have but how you use it.

... [Waver laughed at that, so earnestly it probably would have been terrifying to people that knew him to be nothing but calm nearly all the time. He started to calm down after a moment, though the smile was still present on his face.]

You're right--he is the only one that matters to me. He's the only one who ever really praised my abilities or stood up for me when I was threatened. There's no one else I'm more grateful to have met.

I'm just glad I finally got you to say something good about yourself, idiot.

[Diarmuid just blinks for several minutes confused by what is so funny. When Waver finally stops laughing and speaks, Diarmuid can't help but laugh too. Once he stops, a smile, though one that is ever so slightly sad, settles onto his face.]

I am so glad that there is a world where some version of me was able to have a good master--one who could actually fulfill his wish. I don't know how your war ended, but I am sure it was a happier end than mine. The fact that you can find joy in your memories of him is proof of that.

[Diarmuid brings his hand to his chest, falling into thought for a moment.]

Waver, how connected do you think all these alternate worlds are? I mean, no one really can say what the Throne of Heroes actually is, right? Might it be a part of all of those worlds?

In concept, I think it would have to be--it's supposed to exist outside of time isn't it? I'd guess it could theoretically exist outside space too. But in practice...hell, who knows? At this rate I'd believe just about anything.

[He watched Diarmuid for a second or two before continuing, sounding curious.]

Why do you ask?

[Diarmuid nods, taking a moment to organize his thoughts. He's not a magus, after all. A lot of this stuff is completely foreign to him. He would never have known so much if Kayneth hadn't gone off on him that night.]

He told me...one night during the war after he was so badly injured. He told me how I was nothing but the copy of a soul--that all the pride and all the honor I held so close to my heart was nothing but a pale imitation of another man's feelings. They weren't my own. How did I dare flaunt them like I did? Preach of them like I did?

[Diarmuid pauses a moment, closing his eyes. Thinking of that conversion still hurts so much.]

He was angry. Probably scared too. I didn't hold it against him, but because of that, I died knowing I was nothing and came here knowing that same thing. Yet, just recently we learned more about what our existences here are.

[His face pales, and his voice drops to a whisper.]

There's a good chance I'm actually the real soul pulled from the Throne of Heroes as the world was destroyed. The reason I remember the war is because it happen when the copy was on its way back to be erased. But with no world and no Throne left, there was nothing to keep the copy away from the original and so they merged and both ended up here.

If I am the original and the Throne is beyond both time and space, does that mean part of your Diarmuid is in me too? Is that why I've always felt so drawn to you in whatever form I'm met you in?

...oh, shut up.

[Waver scowled faintly and put an arm around Lancer's shoulders, immediately pulling him into an awkward hug--in part to reassure the knight and to reassure himself that Lancer wasn't just going to vanish like some sick delusion.]

Kayneth was a vindictive, self-absorbed, arrogant idiot, respect for the dead be damned. I can tell you right now he wouldn't know what he was talking about even in his right mind. You're wasting your time putting any stock into what he's said--and believe me, I know.

Maybe you're the original, maybe you're a copy. Who cares? I don't know why you say you're drawn to me; maybe it's because I'm not Kayneth in any sense whatsoever, think about that? Unlike him, I at least actually give a damn about people other than myself.

[Waver ground his teeth together in frustration before merely sighing, leaning his head on Lancer's shoulder.]

Goddamnit you can be stupid sometimes. Why are you worrying about something like that...copy or original, you're still Diarmuid. You're just as real now as I am. Shouldn't that be the last word on it?

I-I don't know.

[Diarmuid pauses in an effort to steady his own voice and push the helplessness out of it.]

These things... Servants aren't suppose to exist long enough to have to think about them, but here I am having to do exactly that. And after what he did to me...

[He draws in a deep breath and reluctantly steps out of the hug so he can look Waver in the face as he speaks. It's the only way he will be able to make himself say this.]

He made me kill myself in the middle of an honorable duel with Saber so that he could save his own life, even though I have heard since then he still died before the war ended. When I realized what happened, I snapped. I raged at everyone and the world. I curse the Grail...I cursed everyone.

[He shakes his head, but despite the hopelessness in his tone of voice, there is determination in his eyes.]

I'm not a knight anymore. Not after all of that, but that is fine as long as I can find what I am now. That is why I am thinking about things so much, but it's hard. There is so much I don't understand about how the world works now, that it is hard to find a new way to define myself.

...How the hell is that your fault?! No, forget it, even if I tried to convince you you'd blame yourself anyway.

[Frustrated, Waver pressed a hand to his head and collected himself for a moment--otherwise he'd most likely snap in a way they'd both regret.]

Don't do this again, Lancer. Your whole 'I'm not a hero' thing, I mean. Look, even I couldn't deal with Kayneth forever. Somebody like you having to answer to him...I don't blame you for just snapping, least of all after he did something so...so completely unforgivable--

[Another pause. It was all Waver could do to not distract himself fantasizing about breaking several of Kayneth's ribs with his own Mystic Code.]

...You're a knight. My knight, and you always will be. If you want to be something else, fine. But don't you dare start to deny what I know for a fact is true even now; I won't have anyone speak poorly about my Lancer. Especially not speaking of yourself.

I'm sorry...

[The words slip out before Diarmuid can stop them and as soon as they do, a horrified look enters his eyes. He puts a hand out in front of himself hoping to stave off an angry outburst from the other man.]

I don't mean that....well I do, but I'm trying not to be so...so weak anymore. I'm trying not to blame myself. You aren't the only one to tell me some of this. So many others have said the same thing. It's just so hard. He made me feel like I was nothing. Like I shouldn't even be breathing. I think it's safe to say you know me--know how those things hurt. He stripped away all of my pride and all of my honor. I let it go so I could remain loyal and then he spat on that as well.

[Diarmuid pauses. This train of thought is getting him no where. What had Hidetoshi told him not that long ago? Something about once you recognize the rut, how important it is not to let yourself dig it deeper?

He looks up at Waver, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. To hear someone say he's still a knight and will always be so to them is more the he had ever hoped to hear again. Might that be something he can use to dig himself free?]

Do you really mean that? Even though I am so messed up right now?

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