you see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars;

[egotrigger]

Characters: Allelujah and open.
Setting: Floor 1 (Cafeteria), Floor 46 (flashlight level), Floor 81 (upper lounge), stairs in general.
Format: Whatever works for you.
Summary: Allelujah's… angsting isn't the word for it. He's depressed and disappointed about mindlessly carrying out orders. He's having difficulty coping with it.
Warnings: Mention of body modification/surgery/Jason being a dick. Also standard Hallelujah warning.


[Floor 1]

[Allelujah sits at one of the tables, a few of the nutrition bars in front of him. He has one open and is staring at it. He knows he needs to eat, but he feels sick to his stomach after what happened.]

[he takes a bite, slowly, and tries to keep it down. He won't be able to do anything if he doesn't have something for energy.]



[Floor 46]

[The stairs have vanished for him again. He hates this floor, hates it so much. The whispers and light touches keep making him jerk away, and he tries to control himself. It's no one, no one's there, it's not even Hallelujah…]

[But he's still pale as he reaches the stairs again.]



[Floor 81]

[There aren't many floors he feels comfortable on, but this is one of them. The sight of the stars calms him, makes him feel a little bit closer to home. It's hard to look at them sometimes - they're not his - but at least they're something. He'd like to start naming them, but he's not that creative.]

[He needs them today most of all. He still feels sick, frustrated, disappointed… he'd sworn to himself that he'd do everything he could to not just blindly follow orders, to not lose himself again. Not that he really could be anything but a soldier, but at least he has his own mind. Or did. He didn't even feel anything during that time he was changed… and he managed to change Hallelujah, too.]

[They were nothing but a mindless robot. Their brains were altered, and while he knows that he's been changed back, he can't help but feel terrified at a scientist who can do something like that. The things he'd been through at that facility had been bad enough, but this… this was beyond what he had experienced before.]

[He presses his forehead against the glass, trying to collect his thoughts. He doesn't know what to do. What can he do? It doesn't look like there's any way to kill him… or any of the others. Not when they can control this place so utterly…]



[Stairs]

[As Allelujah climbs the stairs, he's somewhat lost in thought. If there's someone else walking near him, he might not even notice them. That doesn't mean they can't notice him, though.]

Comments

[egotrigger]

Why would you want to redeem them?!

[lightofhumanity]

I did not say that I would. Merely that killing them eliminates the possibility for them to try and redeem themselves and make it up to everyone.

[egotrigger]

Redemption is useless. You still did shit. It's still gonna catch up with you.

[lightofhumanity]

Again, I am not saying that it excuses what they did or wipes it away. But it's a way of making it up to those who suffered.

[egotrigger]

[Hallelujah's tone turns serious, dropping the joking tone.]

They're damaged. They're all damaged. No matter what you do, they won't heal. They can't. They have to deal with it. The weak ones will break. The strong ones will stay and get stronger. That's how it fucking goes.

Killing them is gonna be some of the only catharsis from their shit people can get - other than killing each other.

[lightofhumanity]

People are both weak and strong. Which sounds odd..but people are a grey, odd mix of both strength and weakness, and as a result, it is difficult, if not impossible, to classify people as such.

However..people do not heal just by killing each other. Hope, love, work, restoration..those all serve to heal as well. Is killing the only thing that will relax you, Hallelujah?

[egotrigger]

Allelujah's weak. I'm not. There's no grey there.

[Only because he'd split off... but that's fine with him.]

Hope? The only hope is survival. Love? That's useless, it only gets you killed. Work? Sure, if work is fighting. That's what we're made for, after all. Restoration? We're a tool of destruction, not rebuilding.

Killing is what I was - what we were designed to do. And he couldn't handle it! So he made me. Killing is what I do. I do what he can't. That's my fucking purpose. And hey, if they die quickly, it'll save them from suffering, eh?

[lightofhumanity]

I believe there is, even if you do not see it. You are both probably weak and strong in your own ways.

..That may have been what you were made to do, but is that what you both really want to do? You, I can see..but if Allelujah does not want to, he can easily choose not to..without you coming out, I think. And I do not think that just death will save people from suffering.

[egotrigger]

[He ignores the rest of everything chaos just said, posture tightening. Hallelujah snarls, reaching out for chaos' throat.]

I'm not weak, you bastard!

[lightofhumanity]

[And, if he can, chaos will attempt to grab that hand before it can reach his throat.]

You are both weak and strong. For instance, if I were to talk about your painting skills, you might be weak there.

[egotrigger]

[He tries to break chaos' grip, but the man's stronger than he expects.]

Tch... it's not about skills, fucker.

[lightofhumanity]

[chaos was the second strongest being in his universe. Very few things could contend with him. chaos held on tight as he spoke.]

When determining whether you are weak or strong, skills play a part in it sometimes.

[egotrigger]

I'm not a weak person. I can't be. I'm the strong one, the damn protector. I'm made from the things he can't do because his will is too weak. So how the fuck am I weak?

[lightofhumanity]

He cannot kill others because he cares for others and does not wish to see them suffer. Your compassion, among other things, is where you are probably weak.

[egotrigger]

Compassion is useless in war. It only makes you hesitate, and gets you killed.

[lightofhumanity]

Sometimes..but it also makes you not care about the cause or the people you are fighting for.

[egotrigger]

It doesn't matter to a weapon. We're just pointed at a target and sent to carry out a mission.

[lightofhumanity]

Perhaps..but you are more than just a killing machine who sometimes follows orders.

[egotrigger]

Heh. Haha! We've been modified, trained, and conditioned for war. We can't be anything else! To think otherwise is stupid and foolish.

[lightofhumanity]

So you say. But you have free will, and thus, can make a choice whether you really want to keep being in a war..or not.

[egotrigger]

Not really. We got recruited by an organization at home. If he left he'd probably be killed - if not by the organization then probably by anyone who figured out where he was from.

[lightofhumanity]

You could hide who you really are and continue to live..but that might not be the solution you seek.

[egotrigger]

We've tried that. We got noticed anyway. I killed people to keep things quiet, but fucking Celestial Being found us anyway and recruited him.

[lightofhumanity]

I am sorry to hear that..however..perhaps you can make a new life for yourselves here in the Tower.

[egotrigger]

Eh. Maybe. Not much for me to do though.