towerofanimus | Finally, another party

He didn't? I'm sorry. What did he say? I'm sure he didn't mean it.

[He hopes Lancer didn't offend her somehow. He knows he can be somewhat crude.]

No, it's just that-- [He doesn't like to lie to her.] I had some difficulties with Diarmuid, due to the Tower, and I wanted to talk to him about it. [Not that it's necessarily the Tower's fault, and by "I wanted to talk about it" he means "Lancelot carried me here against my will".]

Oh, it's just— He's a little quick to be charming, isn't he? [Not that she actually finds his flirting charming. It probably wouldn't be a problem if she did.] I wasn't really comfortable with it. That's all.

[She doesn't mention that he tried a second time after she had already shot him down. She doesn't want to speak ill of someone, and especially to their friend, so she tries to downplay the issue.]

I see. [She smiles again, trying to look reassuring.] I hope you're able to take care of whatever the issue is.

[She won't press for details, of course.]

Is he? [Not being in Lancer's target demographic, Kariya hadn't experienced this. He also doesn't consider Lancer "charming", even though he's fond of him, but he catches on to what Claudia means quickly enough. He frowns. He doesn't like the sound of that.] I see. I hope he didn't disrespect you.

I'm sure it will be fine. It's complicated, that's all.

[He's embarrassed, and glad she doesn't ask for more details. He's not looking forward to talking to Diarmuid about it. He changes the subject.] Oh, I'll have to introduce you to my Servant later. You'd like him. [He knows Lancelot would never be anything but mannerly toward Claudia. Unlike Lancer.]

Well, I... I don't think it's very respectful to direct that kind of attention at someone you've only just met. [Especially since it was, almost literally, the first thing he said to her. It didn't make her feel valued as a person, at least.] I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, though. I've told him I'm not interested.

[But when Kariya mentions introducing her to his Servant, she genuinely brightens at the prospect.]

Oh! Yes, I'd really like that. Is he...?

[She trails off, wondering how she should phrase what she wants to say, or even if she wants to say it at all. She knows the class of his Servant, of course, but she also hasn't told Kariya the full extent of her involvement, so maybe it would be best for her to keep that to herself.]

No, you're right. Of course not. I would never do that. [He wouldn't "hit on" anybody, although why is he bringing up his own behavior? He feels a bit flustered.] I get the idea that he's like that sometimes. With women. That's good--that you told him that. [He wouldn't think she would be interested in Lancer. Not that it matters to him. She can be interested in whoever she wants, if she even wants something like that. It's just that Lancer, of all people... He should have been more polite to her.] He should respect your wishes.

He's Sir Lancelot, if I didn't mention it. We've been getting along well lately. [As compared to their previous relationship.] I've told him about you.

No, you've never struck me as that kind of man. [She might wonder about his choice to say so, but it's nice to hear regardless. She had wondered if she was just being oversensitive, so to hear that someone else agrees with her is nice.] Well, hopefully he will.

[She will be cross if she has to tell him a third time.]

Ah, that's good to hear! [She continues to smile, but when he mentions that he has spoken about her with Lancelot, she finds herself blushing faintly. Maybe she feels a little flustered, too, because she laughs sheepishly.] Oh! Well, I hope you had good things to say.

I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

[He never flirts... with anyone.]

If you need me to, I can talk to him. I'm sure he'd listen to me.

[He hopes, that is.]

Yes, all good things. I told him about meeting you, and the other things that have happened. [He hopes that doesn't sound odd. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned it.] We're close, I think, but it's strange, since we're Master and Servant. It's hard to tell if we're really close or if it's the bond between us. It's very different from a normal relationship.

[Having never had another Servant, he has nothing to compare it to, and it's not exactly something you learn about in the ordinary course of events. But he realizes he's babbling a little and stops.]

Oh, no, I'm sure it'll be fine! [She shakes her head quickly. She hadn't meant to make Kariya think he needs to get involved, and she feels sheepish now.] If there's an issue, it's between Lancer and myself. Other people shouldn't have to trouble themselves with it.

[She doesn't mind that he's talked to Lancelot about her, even if it flusters her a bit. If anything, she's pleased (relieved?) that she managed to leave a positive enough impression on him.]

Aha, well— I'm glad! I'm looking forward to meeting him, then. I hope we do get along.

[She laughs again, the sound still timid. But— Maybe it's normal to feel nervous about making a good impression on someone close to a friend?]

If you both feel close to one another, you're close to one another. There's not really a requirement beyond that. At least— That's what I think. [She almost says something about how it's good that he feels that way, but that brings her uncomfortably close to the topic of Masters who treat their Servants less humanly. She wonders if she should explain the truth of her situation to him, but she doesn't know if this is the right place to do that.] Yes, I can imagine.

All right. I'd be glad to help you if I can, that's all. It wouldn't be any trouble. Lancer and I are friends, so we could talk about something like that.

I'm sure you will. I don't see why you wouldn't.

[Lancelot will certainly like someone as kind and polite as Claudia.]

You're right. I'm not used to feeling that way. Back home, it was hard to control Berserker. We had a lot of difficulties. [In short, it had been killing him.] Maybe you know that. I don't know how well you knew me, or what happened during the War, in your world.

I'm glad I was able to get to know him.

Yes, I understand. I mean— Obviously, I don't know what it's like to have a Servant like that, but... I am aware that he was difficult to [...] direct. [She doesn't really like the word "control," but it makes more sense when applied to a Servant of that class.]

[She pauses, then, again feeling uncertain of what to do. She doesn't like tiptoeing around this issue with him. She doesn't like lying to begin with. When she speaks next, it's slowly and cautiously.]

I wouldn't say I was close to you, but the truth is, I was acquainted with you before the War began. You always seemed kind to me, and I wish I could have spoken to you more then. [But her studies got in the way of her having as much free time as she would have liked, and she couldn't always go with Aoi and the children.] To tell you the truth, I haven't been entirely honest with you about some things. I'm sorry.

You were?

[He listens to her carefully, then considers what she's said. He's surprised, but not upset.] It's good to hear that I was kind to you. [He wouldn't want to be otherwise in any other world.] How did we know each other, if I can ask?

[He doesn't know why she'd lie to him, but he assumes it wasn't out of any ill-will and that she had a purpose in doing so. He simply doesn't know what that purpose might have been. It makes him curious. Is there something she wants to hide from him? If so, why? He doesn't think they could have been enemies, could they?]

I understand, if you had some reason for not telling me. I'm not the same Kariya you knew. You don't have to apologize. I'd like to know the truth, but you aren't obligated to tell me anything.

Aoi and I are friends. I have a daughter as well, so sometimes I would go along with her and her children to the park. It's only natural that we would have met by chance at least a couple of times, don't you think?

[But she doesn't mention Tokiomi. Not yet.]

[She shakes her head slightly.]

It's just that— Arriving here was strange. I thought it would be safer to keep to the same story I used back home, at least at first. Maybe it doesn't matter now, but— I thought it would be better to be cautious.

If you want to know, I'll explain. But would you mind keeping it to yourself? [...] It's all right if Lancelot knows, too, I think.

Oh, you know Aoi? [Kariya's face lights up for a moment, then falls. He misses Aoi. Not to mention the fact that he feels guilty for not being faithful to her in his heart. Not that she needs him to be, but he always has been. Not that he loves her any less than he always has. It's good to know that Claudia is a friend of hers. If anything, that makes her more well-disposed to her than he was previously, even if she hasn't been entirely honest with him.] It's been so long since I've seen her.

[He saw her briefly before arriving here, but that wasn't like before, when they used to talk.]

Not that I'd want her to be in an awful place like this.

I didn't know that we had so much in common. So you know Rin and Sakura, too. [He smiles again, if not quite as brightly as before.] Have you met them here? It's wonderful that you have a daughter. What's her name?

This is a strange place, especially at first. I can see why you wouldn't want to tell everyone everything about yourself. That was wise of you. [Not that Kariya had been that cautious when he'd arrived.]

I would like to know. You don't have to worry. I won't tell anyone else. Neither would Lancelot, if I told him. He's an honorable man.

No, I don't think she'd do very well here. [The smiles she gives him now is suitably melancholy.] Ah, no, I haven't. To be honest, I'm a little nervous about meeting them here. [After all, based on her past experiences, it's likely that they don't know her. That seems like it could be...awkward, to say the least.] Her name is Caren.

All right, then. As long as you won't tell anyone, at least for now. [Again, she hesitates, but then she just comes out and states the central issue as plainly and openly as she can.] I'm a Master, in the War. We were cooperating.

I wouldn't want to see her in any pain. [It's bad enough, to see his other friends suffer, but Aoi is the person he loves most, who he'd most hate to see undergo such awful experiences.]

You could be surprised, if you do. They might not know you, but I've met a version of my nephew who doesn't know me, here, and I'm lucky to be able to get to know him better and spend time with him. They're so much older. It was odd for me, at first. [It still is odd, in some ways. And Rin especially is very different.]

Caren. That's a pretty name. [Kariya smiles. He loves to hear about others' children.] You'll have to tell me all about her.

[But there are other topics at hand now.] I promise I won't. [He's silent for a moment, at this revelation. It surprises him, but there are so many Masters here already that it's not as shocking as it could be.] I see. [He hadn't had any allies in the war, and he wonders what that must be like. It's probably a good idea. He had been fighting all alone. Even Berserker had seemed to be against him at times.] I'm glad, that that other me had such a good ally.

[He wants all the versions of himself, in all the worlds, to win the War. That's the way Sakura can be safe, in every world. That's how Kariya conceptualizes multiple universes.] I wouldn't have guessed. I thought the church didn't usually--but your husband was a Master in my War, so that makes sense. Who is your Servant?

[For a moment, she's taken aback by his reply. Such a good ally. The words leave her flustered, and her cheeks redden slightly before she rushes to shake her head and clear up his misconceptions.]

To tell you the truth, I don't know if I'm a good ally at all. I'm too emotional, and I rush into things without thinking. I'm not any good at making plans, either. [As in all things, she's very aware of her faults as a Master.] But— I couldn't just stand aside and leave things as they were. You were fighting for something noble, and I don't think that was the case for any of the other ones.

[She sighs slightly as he brings up the Church. She is less keen on having this part of the conversation, but she dutifully explains the situation to him regardless.]

I'm sure you understand how much trouble it could cause of someone unscrupulous claimed the Grail. My role was to make sure it ended up in the hands of someone who had their approval. But— I disagreed with their choice.

[Her expression clouds as she says this, of course. She thinks she did the right thing, but to betray the Church and the man she had studied under for three years...]

Mine is Assassin.

[He smiles, slightly.] I'm not good at planning, either. You sound like me. [And he gives a soft laugh.] So maybe we are good allies, even if we're not good planners.

[Even though he's aware of the problems involved with two emotional poor planners teaming up, and there's some wryness in hs voice as he adds:] At least we're a matched set.

[He falls silent again. She had defied the Church, for him? He takes a moment to take in the enormity of that fact.] Thank you. All I want is for Sakura to be happy. Thank you for helping me. For helping her.

[Even if it happened in another universe, she had still done it, and for that, he's grateful. He nods when she names her Servant. He's had little to do with Assassin. He doesn't know a great deal about the Servant or its Master.]

Who did they want to win?

[He hadn't thought that the Church might be actively trying to affect the outcome of the War, but now that she's said it, it sounds like something they might do. Could they have been doing that in his War, too? He doesn't like the thought. Of course they wouldn't have wanted him to win. That would mean the Church was his enemy, too. There were more forces against him than he'd realized.]

[She laughs faintly, the sound rueful.] I'll try to be a little more level-headed for you. Assassin, at least— She's better at that than I am, so maybe we can rely on her.

[She hopes they can, at least. It can be a little hard to tell where she stands with her Servant, sometimes.]

You don't need to thank me. I just— That was another thing I did without thinking, because I felt it was the right thing to do. That's all.

[However, she doesn't look directly at him as she says this, and she doesn't quite manage to smile the way she wants to. When she speaks next, the words are said carefully.]

The Tohsaka.

I know Lancelot can't help. Not like he was. [Getting him to follow orders was enough of a challenge. There was no hope of getting plans from him.] At least there's your Servant, so someone can make a plan. I'm sure we can win.

[He says this as if he's that same Kariya fighting in that War, because to his mind, in a very real way, he is.]

No, I should thank you. I can't thank you enough. For Sakura's sake. Her safety is the most important thing, and it means a great deal to me that you would do that for her.

[Even though Sakura is here in the Tower, older and happier, that little girl's suffering is still very immediate and real to him, and something that should be stopped.]

Tohsaka.

[Kariya knows who the Tohsaka Master is, of course. As much as he loves Aoi, he hates Tokiomi. With the other problems he has to deal with in the Tower, his hatred for Tokiomi isn't in the forefront of his mind as much as it was back home, but it resurfaces now. He can feel the anger rise in him, hot and biting. His face darkens, and it doesn't take long for his veins to twitch.]

He doesn't deserve the Grail.

No, he can't. And...

[She almost mentions Archer, but Archer isn't so much an ally as a dangerous loose cannon that will, maybe, if she asks nicely enough, assist her if she can ensure he has enough prana. She frowns as she remembers her options in that regard, but— She isn't fighting that War now, so she forces herself to focus on the conversation at hand.]

Well, we're not without advantages. [She speaks the same way he does, because she thinks he is otherwise the same as "her" Kariya, and so hearing how he feels is just as valuable as listening to the one from her own world. Even if she is still withholding information from him.]

It wasn't just for Sakura. I did it for you, and because— So many of Tokiomi's choices were indefensible to me. Using a thinking being like it's a tool, and then throwing it away when it doesn't have a purpose anymore— That's wrong. Someone who can do that that shouldn't have something like the Holy Grail.

[Her own tone grows more heated. Thinking about it now, she feels guilty for what she has done, and so she feels compelled to justify herself even though he doesn't seem to need her to.]

[She swallows, seeing the twitching of the veins distorting his face. She doesn't like seeing him this way, but she still falls short of giving him the whole truth when she opens her mouth again.]

He won't have it.

[Because she has killed him, of course.]

[He listens to her, and he feels deeply pleased, and not a little surprised. Here's someone who's willing to work with him, who shares his beliefs about Tokiomi. It's heartening, and he smiles. He feels even more fond of Claudia than he did before. He never would have thought he would meet someone like this. If not for the Tower, they never would have met.]

I'm sure we can win, together.

For me? [No one in his War had done anything for him. He isn't even sure what to say to that.] Thank you. I'm grateful.

[What she says pulls at some guilt he's been harboring, however.]

I think--I was wrong. About that. I was using Lancelot that way. All I cared about was winning, for Sakura. It's not as if we could have been partners, then, so I don't know what I could have done differently, but I wish he hadn't been under Mad Enhancement. If only I could have changed that, but I had to do what Zouken said... [He thinks the Mad Enhancement hurt his chances instead of helping them.] I realize now that it was a mistake.

I'm glad. He can't be allowed to win. I'm glad you see him the way I do. He's a cruel person. He's cold. He doesn't care about others. Only his magecraft and his tradition.

No, I— I understand that. I don't think it's right, but what you did— It was for someone else's sake, to protect them. It's a forgivable mistake. Tokiomi— All he wanted was knowledge. For a reason like that... [She shakes her head. Obviously, Tokiomi's motivations do not impress her.] Even if you did something misguided, you were acting out of compassion, at least— And if you and Lancelot have been getting along here, I'm sure he understands and forgives you for that.

[She pauses, though, when Kariya speaks of Tokiomi. At least where that is concerned, she can't match the intensity of his feelings, even if it would be easy to agree with him and vindicate herself and her own actions. It's tempting, but she knows it's wrong, and she resists.]

I lived with him and studied under him for three years. I can't— I can't see him as a person completely without good. But... He did so many things I can't approve of. I wish things didn't have to be as they are, but—

[Her speech jerks to a halt, and then, abruptly, she tells him:]

I killed him. I didn't think I had any choice, because he would have hurt you—maybe killed you—but I—

[Again, her justifications are more for herself than him. She sounds pleading.]

Yes, I think he understands now, but it was still wrong. I don't want to be that kind of person, the kind of person who hurts others and doesn't care. [Because he hadn't cared, at the time. He doesn't want to be like his family.]

You studied with him? So that's how...

[Then that's how she knows Aoi. It's strange to think that she had actually lived with the Tohsakas, with Rin and Sakura. Here is someone else who personally cared about what happened to Sakura, who knew her. She must understand.

He freezes at what she says next, staring at her, startled. She killed Tokiomi? He feels that anger again, his own killing rage. How badly he's wanted to do just that, and she did? For him? He never would have thought she'd do something like that, but now that she's said it, he doesn't doubt her for an instant.

He's dead. Even if it wasn't in his world (yet), it had happened. A curious feeling washes over him. There's some regret in it, but it's mainly relief.]

You did what you thought was right. If you were protecting someone else, then that's not wrong, is it? The fact that you feel bad and that you see good in him shows that you're a good person.

[Kariya can't see good in him. But then, he doesn't think of himself as a good person. Not anymore.]

I wanted to kill him. I thought he deserved to die.

[A part of him wishes he had been the one to do it.]

Even so, that—

[She bites her lip. She doesn't like hearing him say that. It doesn't shake her conviction that he is a good person, but it makes her unhappy, because it's painful to watch someone become mired in destructive thoughts. She doesn't want to see him like this.]

It isn't good to hang onto those feelings. You said that you don't want to be the kind of person that hurts others and doesn't care, but that's what will happen if you do. It's—bad for you, to keep thinking that way. Even if it's to defend someone, or even if the person is truly terrible, you can't— You can't take a life lightly or without remorse.

You're a good person, so I don't want to see you turn into that.

[She doesn't say anything about whether or not she is a good person. She likes to think she is, but she has made so many mistakes that she can't say for sure.]

[Kariya lets out a sigh, looking away.]

You're right. I used to be a good person...

I don't know if I am anymore. I want to be, but-- Maybe I already turned into that. After what he did, I can't forgive him. If only you'd seen her! You'd feel the same way. If you knew what--what he did.

[Kariya's voice breaks. The he he's talking about now is someone different.]

Do you know what it's like, the Matou magecraft? Do you know what it's like to live there, in that house? I grew up there. [He turns toward her again. There's pain in his eyes, an old hurt, deeper than his current physical pain.] I tried to get away, but-- [But he'd come back. Of his own free will.]

I wouldn't feel regret if I killed him. I'm not sorry that you killed him. I know that's wrong, but I can't help it.

[He doesn't know what she'll think of him, but he can't help the honesty in his words.]

Finally, another party

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