Will you or won't you

[attheclocktower]

Characters: Anybody and everybody
Setting: Floor 1, before noon
Summary: Riki's offered a way to help keep the Tower powered a little longer. Obviously this is going to cause a lot of discussion and debate so let's CONSOLIDATE
Warnings: Nothing as of yet. Possibly eventually, so keep an eye on subject lines and I 'll try to change to reflect any developments

[No doubt Riki's announcement would be polarizing, but the instructions themselves were clear: Floor 1 at noon if you want to help out. And if you want to meet people, try to talk them in or out of it? Or hell, maybe even just talk about the revelation on who is behind those explosions? Well, this is as good a place as any for that too.

Just remember to be careful near the staircase]

Comments

[fionnuisce]

Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm scared out of my fucking mind right now.

[Said in...a complete deadpan. Waver's not good with emotions.]

I'm fully aware there is an unspoken possibility we might not come back, and I for one don't want to die. I'm not happy about it and if I felt I could live with myself after the fact I wouldn't go at all.

But if risking and possibly giving up my life will grant everyone else a little more time, I can accept that.

[midgarhorizon]

[And here, again, is Reno proving to himself that he's not a hero and never going to be one. Hearing Waver's reasons, even as ill conceived as he thought they are, makes him guilty.

Why can't he be like that?

He doesn't speak, just hangs his head and presses a hand to his forehead.]

[fionnuisce]

...Reno? What's wrong? [Actually dropping the flat expression and tone, Waver seemed genuinely concerned.]

[midgarhorizon]

[Waving said hand at Waver, Reno shrugs.]

Nothing.

[At least he isn't walking away, it'd tip Waver off it isn't. Too many awkward questions.

Probably the most wrenching aspect of all this is, he's sure that Rusty would have volunteered in a heartbeat.]

[fionnuisce]

[Narrowing his eyes slightly, Waver tried to determine just what it was that had caused such a reaction. It didn't seem like the redhead was gearing up for a lecture on why being self-sacrificing was idiotic, and he didn't really look angry in the strictest sense of the word.]

[Eventually the magus merely shrugged, and made a gesture that looked like he was going to adjust his sunglasses--realizing they weren't there, he settled for brushing his hair out of his face.]

You know...I was really kind of a cowardly little fuckup as a kid. Imagine a miserable little hundred fifty-something centimeter loudmouth with delusions of grandeur--but as soon as real legitimate danger showed up, that dumb teenager immediately took to hiding behind Diarmuid like a shield.

By the time everything was over, back then...it just kind of hit me that I hadn't been worth having him or anyone else protect me. I wasn't someone that could do or say anything of value, but he was fully willing to bleed and even die for me. I needed a harsh slap to the face--metaphorically speaking--to stop being such a waste of space, and I got one.

Right now I would love to just turn around and fuck off back upstairs, but I can't. If I pulled a stunt like that, I'd undo ten years of working to be someone worth having saved at all. What's keeping me here is as much guilt and self-loathing as it is wanting to follow what I know Diarmuid's going to do.

If there's a point to this incessant and honestly terrified rambling I'm doing--and I'm not sure why I'm doing it at all--it's this: Don't mistake anything I ever say for something courageous or heroic.

[midgarhorizon]

Think I'm going to agree with what Diarmuid would say to that.

[fionnuisce]

And that is...? I'm magic, not fucking psychic.

[midgarhorizon]

What do you think he'd say? He's your partner. Courage is something you have in spite of fear.

[fionnuisce]

He'd say I was being foolish and then we're back to the whole 'pedestal' argument again.

[midgarhorizon]

...Ah, ya had that argument? 'Splains why he was angry at me...

[fionnuisce]

If it makes you feel better, I think I managed to get through to him. But that was not an easy fucking conversation.

[midgarhorizon]

He sounded real bitter about it when I found him after the meeting.

[fionnuisce]

Admittedly, my disposition after the fight probably didn't help matters in general.

[midgarhorizon]

Both of ya have heads harder than granite. He thinks he's some kind of failed knight and you think you're some sort of coward. You two are perfect for each other.

[fionnuisce]

Ordinarily I'd argue, but I have to admit you've got a point.

[midgarhorizon]

And I'm no leader. So why don't we just have a huge damn party about it and celebrate?

[fionnuisce]

A miserable party of self-loathing? Sounds fun.

[midgarhorizon]

What I don't get is you people bitch and moan 'bout me saying things like that and get so desperate tryin' to prove I'm not that bad, and then you go and do the same goddamned thing. I don't have the guts to volunteer like you do. It ain't the fear that makes a coward, Waver, it's what you do, so you shut up. You're both stronger men than me.

[fionnuisce]

Why don't we compromise by agreeing we're all some degree of flawed human and not paragons of morality, leadership, or bravery?

[midgarhorizon]

I'm fine with that. What about him?

[fionnuisce]

Provided we live through this, I'll work on it. I can be persuasive when it comes to talking to idiot thickheaded knights.

[midgarhorizon]

I'll leave ya to it then...

[He pushes away from the wall and takes a few steps.]

I have a few people I need to check on.