❝trying to talk my way out of this❞

[guiltapalooza]

Characters: Willow and whoever. OPEN.
Setting: Sixth floor (the forest).
Format: I slightly prefer action over prose, but I'll match whatever you want to do!
Summary: Willow's been doing a lot of magic lately, and tries to meditate to help manage it. Unfortunately she picks the worst place possible. Run into her in A or B, just let me know which one in the subject!
Warnings: Grief. Addiction recovery.


A.

[Since she got here, she's been doing magic almost nonstop. Well, not really, but it feels that way. Casual, advanced, ritual and on the fly-- she's even been teaching it, a little. Willow desperately needs to meditate and feel the Earth beneath her before it catches up with her. She can feel the temptation, feel how easy it is, to just solve everything with a burst of power and a hand gesture, maybe a well-placed word...

But it doesn't solve everything, and it won't bring Tara back. Tara, who had just wanted the best for her; who had wanted her to use magic for good things, as an expression of compassion toward the world. Not for selfish reasons. Willow feels intensely ashamed that she still struggles with this, but that doesn't mean she doesn't. She needs the grass under her hands and trees above her head to recenter herself. To find peace.

She shakes out a circle of ash about five feet in diameter, within sight of the stairs. It's a magical perimeter, intended to stop anything with malicious intent from crossing in and harming her. She hasn't had to use one in years, but Eridan had warned her about the monsters lurking in the woods. Willow uses one now, and settles herself cross-legged in the middle.]


B.

[Some time later, just as she'd really been settling into her inner space, the part of herself that stays calm and undisturbed no matter how much black magic roils through her... she hears a voice, and her breath catches. She could've sworn her heart stopped.]

Tara? [she whispers, and a moment later, she hears another trace of it echoing again.

No. She's dead. Willow lurches to her feet, leaving the small bowl of ash behind, forgotten, and rushes over to the stairs. She's breathing fast, almost hyperventilating, as she races down them.]

Comments

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[He only has that pleasant half-lidded smile for her again. Yes, he is quite tired. Even the excitement of finding a possible ally with REALLY COOL MAGIC POWERS can't quite get him up and going again. A good day's sleep in a recuperacoon would be just about perfect right now BUT HAHA that's apparently not going to happen @_@ Stupid beds... Anyway...]

It's alright. It is an easy, topic to go off about...! I'm used to it uh, by now. [Hanging around other revolutionaries, arguing about politics all day erryday will do that for you]

[guiltapalooza]

I guess you must be, if you live with it.

[Eying how tired he seems.] Not that I'm not enjoying our cultural exchange, but I'm thinking maybe I should let you go take a nap. Get it out of your system.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Little head shake[ I am only lucky, to be surrounded by people brave enough to talk about it.

[Speaking out against the highbloods is not exactly common practice most other places!! Also, his smile turns a little frustrated at the mention of sleeping. He would love to, Willow, really he would]

I'm not sure uh... it would do a lot of good. Unless you know of a source of sopor slime that I am not, aware of?

[guiltapalooza]

Sopor slime? What is that?

[Yeah, she's totally missed this part of troll life.]

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[......wait do humans really actually sleep on a mat that's been raised off the ground??? That's not just like... a last, incredibly weird, act of desperation????? GOOD GOD, HOW DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN FUNCTION]

It's... You sleep in it? In a recuperacoon? It keeps daymares away... [Perplexed stare, Willow. Forever perplexed by humans]

[guiltapalooza]

Recuperacoon, also new. We just sleep on beds, those things in our rooms?

If you need something to keep the n-- uh, daymares away, though, I can do that no problem. It was one of the earliest spells I learned.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[!!!!! Welp, he tries not to look too excited at that, and... fails miserably! Sleep sounds so amazing right now hory sheet]

Really? How uh... well does it work...?

[guiltapalooza]

I make a little satchet full of herbs and cast a spell on it. It doesn't last forever, but maybe... a few weeks or so? You just keep it under your pillow and all of your dreams are good ones.

The ingredients I need are back in my room, though. [And wow but does he look excited about this.] Is this a... I mean, do all trolls have this problem with nightmares? Should I be offering this for other people?

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Nightmares....... He doesn't ask for now, too busy being excited about this. He has to pause for a second though, thinking back on the few occasions when it's even come up... before he nods a little]

Mm, most yes. I think uh, in general, I have often had more trouble with them then some, but I havn't heard of anyone who doesn't, have some problems sometimes. Especially without any slime.

[guiltapalooza]

That's awful, [she says, vaguely horrified. She's presently imagining all of the troll friends she's made so far being continually subjected to horrific nightmare sleep (this is mostly just AU Eridan and Aradia, but some concern for Kanaya and the Summoner himself is in there, too).]

I'll have to make a whole bunch of these and hand them out. I don't know what I can do after I run out of the supplies that came in my chest, but I'll-- I'll figure something when the time comes.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Goodness, what a sweetheart ;A; He doesn't question her this time at least, even if it still strikes him as QUITE REMARKABLE that she is willing to waste all her supplies on people she barely knows...]

That would be... very kind of you... I'm not sure how they've lasted so long, without anything to help...! [Because everyone else should definitely get these magic sleep bag things before he does!!!]

[guiltapalooza]

Me either. It's sorta scary to think about. And what about you, mister? You've been all grievously wounded and not sleeping? It's a good thing you ran into me!

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Little handwave. No no, he was fiiiiine. He was totally only half dead like three whole days ago!!!]

Yes I uh, was very lucky to find you. But you don't have to worry. If that's what you were doing.

[guiltapalooza]

That is exactly what I was doing, and you will soon discover, potentially right about now, that it is totally fruitless to tell me not to worry. It's so lacking in fruit, it's like a... an out of season fruit tree.

This tree, completely out of season. No fruit on Willow. And wow did that metaphor get away from me.

[Willow starts to climb to her feet, and then offers him a hand to help him up.] What I mean to say is, I am a worrier, and you are stuck, [she says decisively,] with my worrying.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Laughs! Lawd that metaphor was awful lskjdkljf And uh... there's a brief, obligatory suspicious look at her hand before he takes it and drags himself to his feet. He is moving remarkably better, not surprisingly!!! Opens and closes his wings a couple times, rolling his shoulders slightly]

[Gives her a bemused sort of smile afterwards like IDK WHY YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT ME I AM TOTALLY THE SAFEST THING OUT THERE, before he shrugs easily]

Uh... alright, if you insist. I guess I can't really stop you. [Heh! You're okay for an alien, Willow. Even if he is confused by everything you do]

[guiltapalooza]

You can't. I am an unstoppable force of worrying.

[It really was an awful metaphor, and maybe because of that, she really is feeling better than when she'd gotten here. She gives him a smile, much less bemused than his.] Feeling better?

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Chuckles again, nodding and folding his wings finally]

Much. That is, a really remarkable ability to have.

[guiltapalooza]

Oh... well, I'm still practicing it, [she objects, embarrassed to be complimented.] I'm better at other stuff.

It just seems like a shame not to practice healing while I can. [It's much better than her real talent: black magic and destruction. Willow wishes she could say she likes this better, but the problem is that she doesn't.]

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Calmly skeptical. If taking him from where he was to basically fully healed is 'still practicing' he cannot even imagine what 'better at other stuff' could possibly mean]

What uh... are you better at...?

[guiltapalooza]

[She hesitates for a second, but there's no reason not to say it.] ... Black magic. Destruction and mind control and-- that kind of thing. Getting something for nothing.

What I used on you is white magic. I'm trying to be a little more, in that direction. To use the biggest understatement possible.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Curious head tilt... Of course, he has none of the color associations in his head so none of that pings him as particularly good or bad. In fact, the former...]

Mmm... if you don't uh, mind my saying. It sounds like the, black variety, would be more useful, if it doesn't take your energy like the white one does.

[guiltapalooza]

You'd think that, but the problem is that once you start using it, you sort of... don't want to stop. And then you forget about that whole moral thing I was mentioning earlier. You stop caring, you attack your friends-- it's... it's ugly.

[She gains an apologetic smile. Though technically she has nothing to apologize to him for, she can't stop the association.] It's addictive and I'm trying to be not addicted.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Yeah he... really doesn't know what to do about that smile. And addiction is not something he is terribly familiar with, but the first part... makes sense... sort of. At the very least, he understands not wanting to hurt your friends despite impulses telling you to do otherwise. He has seen far too many of his soldiers snap on the battlefield not to understand it at least a little]

What can you do? To uh, beat it, I mean. [Maybe he can help her, if it's something that can be helped with]

[guiltapalooza]

Use it as little as possible. Black magic, but magic in general, too, [she explains, ready with this answer because she's given it a lot of thought.] And communing with the energy of the planet, which is what I was doing in the forest.

Mostly... it's being responsible, which is harder than it sounds when you can do pretty much anything if you're willing to give up enough. I'm trying to manage without my friends here to back me up, but I'm-- a little anxious. [Make that terrified, but Willow, as forthright as she tries to be about her problems-- because hiding them led to this-- is still ashamed, and frankly lost without the rest of her group to support her.]

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[!!!!! THAT IS A THING HE CAN HELP WITH]

[Smiles reassuringly, only pausing a second when he realizes how amazingly pale he is probably coming across right now. But he doesn't really mind. He certainly doesn't see her as a romantic prospect. She is an alien and he has only just met her after all. Hopes she doesn't take this the wrong way!!!]

I uh... think that I understand. The anxiety, issue. Since you helped me, I would be glad to try to help with that? Even if it's just, offering an ear to talk to.