towerofanimus | it's the end of the world as we know it

Entry tags:

it's the end of the world as we know it

Characters: William Birkin
Setting: Floor 1
Format: I'll follow you, but action would be mighty nice
Summary: Birkin just showed up and he wants to know what the fuck kinda crap happened to him this time.
Warnings: None

[Birkin always figured he'd have a hand in the apocalypse. Though he definitely thought he'd end up being the cause of it rather than just living through it, somehow or another.

...Though it was probably just another virus anyway. Annoying things. He poked his head out of his room, looking both ways down the hallway. Might as well look for someone he recognized.]

Franken you can't just leave me behind like this, you asshat! [His voice merely echoed back at him. Certainly a bit unnerving, but he'd find him eventually. The guy's labcoat ended up in his trunk or whatever anyway.] Issei?! ...Sher? ...Creepy alien kids...?

[He started walking, slight frown on his face.] Regene?! Wesker? ...Papadachi are you back by any chance?

Guys, seriously... This isn't funny anymore...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I thought she was pretty attractive, actually. ... N-Not that you heard that from me!

That sounds about right. You'll fit in well around here.

[Slowly a smirk forms on Birkin's face] Well I don't want 'er; one Stein is enough for anyone, thank you.

But friendly word of advice: If you go out on a date with her, you're going to want to get pretty plastered the first few times. Also, don't eat maybe... What's the right number for surgery...? Like, eight to twelve hours beforehand? And if you've never used local anesthetic before, find someone who has some handy and just mess around with it a bit; coming down off of that stuff is basically the worst, especially when you're not used to it.

Oh! And no ibuprofen - it's a blood thinner and makes you leak. Use acetaminophen. [William J. Birkin: Love Doctor]

[Her eyes narrow, but she lets him finish this essay before she retorts.]

Sorry to burst your bubble, but she's already asked to dissect me, and I said no, and she respected that. And I have a boyfriend, so I'm not available!

I wasn't interested in her to start with, just... appreciative. I can be appreciative!

She didn't just soulzap you and go to town? I wish I was drinking something so I could spit it out and more properly convey the emotion I am feeling by this shocking revelation.

And trust me; I know you can be appreciative. I'm appreciative of many other people myself! ...W-well. Not. Not many. That makes me sound like such an ass... [Nervous laugh. How does I people?]

Not at all-- she's been pretty nice, and interested in not-crazy witches like myself. Is, uh, Mr. Dr. Stein not the same way?

[Willow has tolerated far more scandalous comments from Xander with little more than wry look, so Birkin isn't about to phase her.] As long as it's just appreciating, there's nothing wrong with it. Not that I would necessarily advertise it, either.

Oh no, he's lovely, but. The second time I met him in person, I got drunk with him and a few things led to a few others and to make a long story short he was inside of me in more ways than one and I became an alcoholic for a bit out of necessity to blot out the thoughts of "Birkin, my good man, what have you done with your life? What are you doing? Stop that this instant, you are better than this."

...Uh. I mean. He's. He's really not as bad as I'm making him sound right now! I'm just used to complaining! I complain a lot. Heeeeeh...

[Awkward throat clearing is a go.] Sooooo you're a witch! That explains why she's interested in you. My Stein at least finds them very interesting, more so with the variety that isn't from his world.

[Wow this is a long speech. Willow stares. ... She thought she rambled.

It made her burst into delayed-reaction giggles, trying to hide it futilely behind one hand.] I've heard of worse ways to get together with someone, believe me. I'm guessing it worked out for you in the end, if you have something to complain about?

--But yeah, that's how we got talking. She was a little skeptical that I wasn't crazy, but I think I've convinced her. She wanted to try learning some defensive magic, too.

No, please by all means, laugh out loud; it validates my behavior. [Smirk. Okay, she wasn't so bad.]

Just defensive? I'm surprised he - she, fuck, sorry, whatever - doesn't want to learn how to magically open people up or something.

I wouldn't say it validates it... but it is funny.

I'd have to know how to do that in order to teach it to her, which, I don't. I'm sure I could hypothetically cut them open, [and her expression gets slightly grossed out here,] but not to any degree of medical safety. Defensive it'll have to be.

Don't tell her you could do it even hypothetically otherwise she'll probably want you to experiment with that a bit and try it out.

And based on your expression, you don't want that any more than the general populace does.

I think I can enforce my own refusal well enough, [she says dryly.] I'm not worried, it's just icky to think about.

But aside from alternate universe shenanigans! Want me to show you around? First, you have to have oatmeal.

Oatmeal? Is that some weird witchy ritual or something?

Weird ritual, yes, witchy no. It's a tower thing. You have to have oatmeal before you can eat anything else-- not really sure why, haven't tested it.

I'd offer to test it for you, but I've done the whole Dr. Guinea Pig thing and it reeeally loses it's appeal after a while. So yeah, uh. Breakfast time?

Yeah, that's sort of why I haven't tested it. Morality tends to frown on human experimentation.

So, breakfast! This way? [leaaaading in the right direction now]

Moralities change from person to person. [...And then Birkin realizes he should probably keep quiet about that until he knows her a bit better so he just. Quickly shuts up and follows a few paces behind her.]

So what's it like being a witch, speaking of morality.

Sure, cultural context can change a lot, but I don't think consent is one of those things.

--Oh, um, being a witch is sort of... witchy? [It's a weak response, and she deflates.] It's kind of messy, to be honest, at least when you get in as deep as I am. It's about the opposite of simple. But sometimes it's-- really rewarding, and it's nice to not be useless.

Yeah, I understand. I've never really been on my own like this, you know? I've always been someone's right hand man or something like that... I feel so useless without someone protecting me; I can't do much on my own...

Wow anyway this is depressing! Moving on... What's the deal with the people who run this place? Were they just really bored or something?

[Talk about conversational whiplash. He keeps changing the subject rather conspicuously, but Willow only raises her eyebrows in a side glance at him as they walk.

Far be it from her to judge someone for being socially awkward.] We don't really have any idea about the people that run this. I want to try to find answers, same as everyone else, I bet, but so far it's been... pretty upsettingly slow.

But I'm sure you're not useless. [Actually she had no idea if he was useless, she was just saying that to be nice.] You're not on your own, anyway? There's a whole bunch of us here and most of us aren't crazed racist murderers.

Yeah, but I tend to get along better with crazed racist murderers. ...And one crazed sexist murderer.

[FIRST IMPRESSIONS: UR DOIN IT RITE]

Ohhhh no, I was starting to like you, so take that back right now!

[She wags a finger at him.] You're turning over a new leaf, as of your arrival. No more murderers for you, William Birkin. It's forbidden.

Uhhhhh. [He shrinks back slightly at the finger wagging.]

Whatever you say! Honestly, I've been giving that sort of thing a bit of a break anyway, considering Stein's pretty much the police. His world, his rules and all. Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that any murderers hanging out in here probably have bigger things to worry about than murdering anyone or talking to a creepy scientist. [Cue the nervous giggles]

[She relents when he shrinks back, just pursing her lips at the continued discussion of murderers.]

You'd think so, but no. There's plenty of senseless killing that goes on. I even tell them I'll enforce consequences, which is not my typical role, that's Buffy's! And they don't take me seriously at all!

[Willow pouts.] It's because I wear fuzzy sweaters and say things like plucky and snazzlefrazzle, isn't it? No one believes that I can be badass.

[Birkin chuckles] No one believes I can be a badass either. But I think that's mostly just because I can't be a badass in most circumstances.

It's not like being badass is all that great, anyway. Who cares if you can tear off limbs?

It's not exactly a great date quality. Hey honey, guess what I did today! I tore someone to pieces! Sheesh.

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