006 ♑ [sixth honk]

[hystericull]

Characters: [OU] Gamzee and [OU] Tavros.
Setting: Floor 35.
Format: Action that may or may not be tl;dr in nature.
Summary: Awkward post-makeout, post-meltdown alien teenage boy conversations.
Warnings: Gamzee's mouth. Secondhand embarrassment to the moon and back.

[Gamzee had never been on this floor. Ever. He was slowly beginning to regret this fact, actually. After his fucking embarrassing freakout, the only options he could see for himself were: a. superglue himself to Karkat for the rest of his life, and b. sit somewhere far away from people and just stay the fuck out of everything and everyone's business.]

[Since Karkat was nowhere in sight, one could safely assume this to be Option B.]

[The reason he'd been regretting not visiting this floor sooner was because, well, it was the closest thing to home that he could remember. Sure, the lake was no ocean, but it was water, and there was sand, and it would do. Fuck, it would have to do. Instead of staring out into the endless horizon, he stared down at the seemingly endless floor of the water. He was tucked away, sitting as close to the water as he could without getting himself soaked, peering down into the lake absently - much like the staring he used to do, only bereft of any sort of wonderment or sleepy enthusiasm, instead replaced with infinite listlessness, and a permanent frown etched on his naked face.]

Comments

[pushedaround]

[ Alright, it seems like he's going to dedicate this day solely to search every single floor in hope of finding the highblood. He didn't bother heading to his room, since Gamzee mentioned a few times that he was purposely avoiding it, for reasons he didn't interpret yet- but whatever. So he's not going to waste time and instead started approaching the other floors.

Needless to say, it took him forever, but he never complained or regretted his choice. It's not like he had anything better to do, but mainly he- really wants to see his friend again. It's been around two weeks since their last encounter. Maybe more! He's not entirely sure, but it was long enough. He had his reasons for keeping a distance, but it didn't stop him from feeling like a complete ass.

Whatever. He keeps searching.

He had never been in this floor before, so he was very skeptical about approaching it, but he was no longer reluctant when he spotted Gamzee near the lake. Okay, good. He finally found him! That's great! Perfect ... Um, okay it would be nice to stop staring and greet him already. Ok, here goes.

A few easy steps brought him closer to his side, and regardless of how nervous he felt it didn't stop that stupid grin from taking over his features and hopefully- covering up any sign of inquietude. ]

Hey ... Gamzee!

[hystericull]

[Everything that had happened towards the end of the Tower's fall and immediately afterward was such a blur. His mind had broken in there. He'd been reduced to a bloody, killing, laughing, psychotic mess. The only saving grace int his fucked up situation was that Tavros hadn't been around to witness it. Everything had happened after they'd separated.]

[Gamzee thought of this, and many other things, sitting by the water. He also thought of nothing at all. He hadn't been very emotional, lately. Which was actually a welcome relief - even if it meant he was sort of melancholy, it also meant he wasn't getting angry as quickly. Truly, all he wanted to do was attach himself to Karkat and never go anywhere.]

[But... as much as he wanted to do that, he also had the compelling urge to hide away by himself. There was just a place he could go in his mind when he was alone that he could never quite reach in the company of others - no matter who.]

[That wasn't to say he wasn't ecstatic when he'd heard Tavros calling for him. If the boy had been around to witness his breakdown, the response certainly wouldn't have been as favorable - but, seeing how that wasn't a problem, he could go back to pretending--]

[Oh, God.]

[Pretending that he didn't just have a really awkward dream about this kid a few days ago... nights ago... whenever he slept, now. He didn't know anymore. They definitely did not shove their tongues down each others' throats or anything. Tavros did not hold him so close he could feel his pump biscuit, take in his scent, feel his warmth.]

[God, fuck, agh. Focus on something else. The ankle.]

[Gamzee carefully plucked the lower half of his right leg off of where it had been laid on the sand. He'd broken that ankle after he'd left Tavros, and now it just jutted out, awkwardly bent, but in a splint and wrapped as much as possible. He was supposed to be wearing a cast, but he'd taken it off before coming up here. It sucked and he should not have to wear it. Inching forward, he slowly dipped that leg, up to the calf, into the lake water. The sinking motion sent a shockwave of pain through his ankle, up his leg, and he winced. Okay, HHHHUUUU. Breathe. He can face Tavros now. Hopefully.]

Heyyy, brother.

[His voice was weak at first, mainly because he hadn't spoken much all day, being here by himself. He cleared his throat, listless expression on his still-naked face.]

[pushedaround]

[ Oh god. He thought he could do this, but as soon as their eyes locked- Tavros knew he didn't stand a chance. Those feelings he tried so hard to avoid came rushing back and stronger than ever. He felt the urge to stare ... and grin like a complete love struck moron. He may have managed to pull such a stupid loving gaze, for a very brief amount of time, before his eyes snapped wide open and he- well, Tavros shifted his focus on other things.

The ankle, for example.

What the fuck?!! When did he break his ankle???? How did this happen and why didn't Gamzee say anything about this?!!! ... Oh wait, he remembered he was the one avoiding him. Suddenly, those ' good ' reasons for disregarding his brother were full of shit and he ... realized that he managed to fuck things up. Again.

.... Again.

It was so easy to panic, with the newly added feel of heavy guilt, pity and his stupid red feelings. But- he didn't. Instead, he crouched down, trying to get a better look at his ankle, even from above water- but it's not possible. Thus, he reached out to touch his leg, maybe urge him to pull it out of water for a better look, but he stopped himself before making contact. It was a very awkward display, especially when he had this really odd expression on his face.

Nope. Touching is bad. Avoid touching!! You lost all privileges to touch Gamzee after their last encounter. All rights are gone. Gone.

And so, while trying to be as smooth as possible, Tavros pulled his hand back and settled next to the highblood, staring at the water instead and trying to look less miserable and more ... supportive. Yes, Gamzee needs a friend right now, not a ball of awkward and feelings.

He is trying his best. ]

... What happened, bro?

[hystericull]

[Gamzee hadn't noticed the staring. Or, if he had, had not noticed the definite flush behind it. It was a simple thing, disregarding the very real-feeling and very awkward dream-memories. He was so not himself in them - everything so bizarre and backwards and fucked up that it couldn't have been anything but a dream. As strange as it was, Gamzee had, in his sweeps, had plenty of red dreams dealing with this particular brownblood - more specifically, this particular brownblood and him, in varying degrees of quadrant-related activities. While the most recent hallucination was quite different than the norm, it was shrugged off as easily as the others. Something to dwell on later, but definitely not while the object of his adoration was standing - now crouching - a few feet away from him.]

[To pretend Tavros' reach-out-hesitate-abort combo wasn't awkward would be telling a big, fat lie. For once, it was really hard to tell what was running through the other boy's mind. Gamzee could usually read him like a book. Hell, anyone could usually read Tavros like a book. He wasn't really a compulsive liar, didn't really try to hide his emotions unless there was something weighty pressuring him to do so, and generally spoke his mind more often than not, even if it took him a few stutters and "uhh"s to get there.]

[Gamzee doesn't look back down at his leg. He knows what it looks like, all nasty and swollen, blotchy purple bruises peeking out from the top of the water. His whole existence might as well have been one big purple bruise. Instead, his focus remained on Tavros - and it really did give him comfort. He'd missed his little buddy. Again. Although, he didn't chalk their lack of communication up to any fault of Tavros' - not that anything could ever be Tavros' fault in Gamzee's mind. It was just as much Gamzee's fault for not seeking him out himself. He'd been attached to Karkat like a fucking barnacle for the past few weeks in the wake of his extremely taxing (not to mention extremely embarrassing) freakout.]

[Best not to think about that. Tavros was here, now, and his bloodpusher did that thing it always did where it decided his chest wasn't good enough anymore, and made its way quite uncomfortably, into his throat. He was so used to this feeling, dealing with it was pretty much second-nature. Ignore the flapbeasts in his bilesack, ignore the pump biscuit in his windchute. Ignore, ignore, ignore. For all the ignoring he was doing, he sure was doing a lot of staring at this kid.]

I fuckin' fell.

[He chuckled, halfheartedly.]

Believe that shit, brother? Ought to be up and looping these motherfuckin' footlaces of mine up somethin' what's fucking proper, I keep on gettin' told.

[pushedaround]

[ He probably lost his balance during that hectic day, with the monster invasion and the freak outs. Tavros didn't remember much of it, other than some few glimpses of the yellowblood, some really uncomfortable cuddles and that look on Gamzee's face when he showed up. The anger.

Everything felt different now. He couldn't even remember the last time they did anything stupid or went on an adventure. It was so easy back then. But now, Tavros felt like he had to force himself to grow up and act differently, and- he didn't know how! He didn't know how to deal with all this rage. A part of him wanted to convince himself to leave it all to Karkat and back away, but another part is like 'fuck, he's my friend too!' I want to help!'. Ugh. ]

Bro, I'm really sorry about that. You should really let someone look at it for you. So it can heal, and you can .... feel a little better? Maybe.

... I c-can look for a healer, if you want?

[ He breaks their eye contact, staring at the water again and going quiet for a bit. ]

Also, I want to, um, thank you ... for saving me that day. I was going to die if you didn't come after me, and usually I wouldn't really care about dying that much, but- [ He shrugs. ] -things are different now. I want to be in this tower, as long as I could.

So ... Thank you, Gamzee.

[ There's a smile on his lips, and if he's allowed he would have placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, but he settled with the smile for now. Making sure it reflected how much he appreciated all his hard work. It was almost funny; Gamzee is the one that needed all the help and support, yet- he ends up saving his ass instead. It was bittersweet, but he truly felt blessed to have him in his life.

... Man, no wonder he's terrified of losing him! Tavros is so pathetically dependent on him, and so used to be the one receiving comfort and not offering much. It was always him that needed a shoulder to cry on, and Gamzee was there for him every single time! He made it look so easy. All he had to do is just be there, smile, probably say something stupid and end it all with a laugh.

He kept the smile, regardless of the shaky tone. ] ... Does it still hurt?

[hystericull]

[Oh, how he wished they could go back. Back then, he loved the way they were, loved everything they'd had between them, just as bros. He would have done anything to pursue something more flushed, to try and become more than what they were.]

[He was so stupid.]

[Now all he wanted was to go back. Fuck, if they could just forget all of this and go back to when they could actually talk to each other without someone flinching or making a face or wondering how it sounded to the other person or if they'd taken it the wrong way - it never used to be like that! It was so fucking easy! All the time! Easy, easy, easy, and God, how easy it was was one of the things that made him want to pull that little brownblood close to him and smoosh their faces together for all it was worth. Now Gamzee had turned into something more complicated than just drugs that knocked him the fuck out and red, fuzzy, floaty hearts every time he saw that faltering text on his screen.]

[He had definitely changed, but that never meant it was for the better.]

[God, he didn't want to think about this right now. The only good thing, he guessed, that came of this, was the fact that it wasn't making him angry. Whether or not that was Karkat's influence, the fact that he was too damn exhausted mentally to give a shit about anything anymore, or a combination of the two, was beyond him. He couldn't find it in him to care, though.]

[He did wonder, however, if Tavros would ever really know how much he meant to him? ...Probably not. Just as well, anyway. That was as far as that thought process went. Gamzee had never really had any false hope about where their relationship might go. At least, he hadn't in the sweep or so since he'd thrown it out there. It was fine.]

You don't gotta be up and thinkin' on that motherfuckin' shit for me, brother.

[His smile was slow and lazy, almost like he was back to normal. It wasn't as lighthearted as it used to be, though. Almost weighed down. A smile, nonetheless.]

The dudes at the healy place all went to look up on it for me. Said if I ain't gettin' all to bein' movin' it the fuck around like what's I all motherfuckin' am, it'll fix itself up in a good while.

[He chuckled at that. He didn't follow a damn word they said in the infirmary. He didn't care, he didn't want to be holed up in his fucking room or that fucking floor any longer that was necessary.]

[Besides, if he hadn't come here, he would never have ran into Tavros.]

[When Tavros had thanked him for saving him, several of the lost memories from that day fell into place. That's right. He had been looking for Tavros. He'd searched every floor until he found... until... Jade. Until Jade came. Something happened, and then he found Tavros. What... had happened after that ex--]

[Oh.]

[Oh, he didn't want to think about that. It didn't matter, anyway. There were much more important things to discuss.]

...Ain't no thing. Really.

[Even if Tavros didn't want to make eye contact with him, it didn't stop Gamzee from looking right at him when he said it.]

Really, bro. I was all gettin' the fuckin' worries up in my motherfucking bones on you. Wasn't all really knowin' what the fuck to be doing to know you weren't under some rocks somewhere. Fuck would I all do if you was, huh?

[There was a pause, and for the first time in forever, he looked genuinely lost. What the fuck would he have done if he'd found Tavros dead? He didn't even want to think about it. His attentions turned to his ankle, which was now being regarded.]

...Yeah.

[A sigh.]

Yeah, it fuckin' smarts what's somethin' all motherfucking fierce, it all does. But, not too much right all now it don't. Water's nice for shit like that.

[See? He was okay. He was doing okay, Tavros. You can stop worrying, now. Gamzee patted the ground next to him. Tavros crouching and talking to him like that had to have been uncomfortable.]

Pop a fuckin' squat, bro - you ain't gotta be that way.

[pushedaround]

[ Regardless of everything that happened between them, the stress, guilt or any other gross feelings- it was still very easy for Gamzee to make this boy smile. It may have to do with the fact he was finally honest with him. He really appreciated that Gamzee didn't go out of his way to sound 'fine' and 'full of rainbows'. It really bothered the lowblood and it did more damage than good, really! This time, however, he gave out an answer that appeared genuine, and he was calm about it.

He was .... calm. And kinda opening to him.

Wow, why does it feel like it's been forever since Gamzee spoke to him? It's not like the highblood said nothing but lies in the past weeks, but- there is something different about him today.

The equanimity had soon reflected on Tavros, and in return, his shoulders dropped slightly and his features held a rare serenity. It didn't last long, not when Gamzee suggested that he should get himself comfortable.

Tavros .... didn't know if that was such a good idea. Haha! His friend's intentions are nothing but innocent, but after Tavros' epic display of self-control during that night, he didn't know how well he can do if he allowed himself to get too close. Still, when he finally allowed himself to return their eye contact, it was almost futile to resist. Oh god, oh god, why is this so difficult? It's not like Gamzee was doing anything special! He was just sitting there with a pretty disgusting swollen ankle to make matters worst!

Ugh, but he still looked so-

No! Focus, Tavros. Focus. Focus on that shade of purple over the bruised skin, look how gross it is!!! And then ... he remembered how that color was all over Gamzee's face that night. Mainly around the tip of his ears, cheekbones, maybe a little aroun-

Oh my god!!!! ]

Heh, sorry. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to stay or not ... um.

[ And so, he shifted closer and settled next to the highblood. As much as he wanted to lean on him like a useless lump, he resisted all temptations. Merely stretching his legs forward and resting his hands on his knees. Okay, he can do this. They can have a decent conversation without any stupid attempts from his side, right? Plus, Gamzee is fully awake right now. It's not like he can get away with it without getting killed or maybe ... judged horribly.

Whatever. Not thinking about this anymore. ]

Alright, just ... promise me that you'll take it easy, okay? I want my brother to feel better as soon as possible. Yeah ...

[ He'll gently back off now. He didn't want to dwell on this topic too long and upset his friend. Gamzee didn't like it when he worried too much. ]

[hystericull]

[Why was Tavros so hesitant all of a sudden? I mean, he was always hesitant, but... this time it was just as if he was unsure, or rolling his words over in his head or trying to formulate his thoughts into sentences but... it almost seemed as if he was... distracted?]

[Either way, Gamzee just stared up at the brownblood uselessly. Watching him space out for a moment was definitely a rare sight, and he took it in gratefully, because if Tavros wasn't paying complete attention, he probably wouldn't notice Gamzee staring. Just a little. He was so glad he'd been safe. So glad he didn't have to endure the pain of death (ha ha, being from a pretty early point in the timeline had its advantages), even though he would rise again like it hadn't happened, it was still something Gamzee never wanted him to have to go through.]

[As Tavros sat down, Gamzee's lips broke into a small smile again. It was almost normal. Almost. He didn't know what he was doing right, but if he just kept on doing it, hopefully things would all work out. No more making things awkward. If he could just get back to being friends...]

[It was all he needed.]

Fuckin' promise, bro.

[He grinned, sort of lopsidedly, teeth poking out on one side of his mouth, and held out a bony pinky to seal the deal.]

...Now, why all wouldn't a brother be ever motherfuckin' wanting his other brother to be stickin' his ass the fuck around, huh?

[pushedaround]

[ If that is what Gamzee truly wants, to get back to being friends again, Tavros will give him anything that he wants. Anything.

The anxiety was slowly melting away the more Gamzee spoke, and soon Tavros realized that maybe the highblood didn't really remember much of what had happened, and maybe- that was for the best. If forgetting about it and moving on is all he had to do to repair their friendship, he can do it. It will take him time, but it's possible. Yeah ....

For now, he looked at Gamzee and then at the offered hand. He was a little baffled at first, but then he returned the grin with one of his own. Very gleeful and somewhat childish, just like old times. He nodded, curling his pinky with Gamzee's and giving it a little playful shake, chuckling slightly while he's at it. ]

You know it's serious now, brother.

[ He kept the contact for a few more seconds before gently pulling his hand away. He then considered his other question, but this time Tavros didn't linger, nor did he hesitate when he ever so casually shrugged his shoulders and half-smirked. ]

Uhhh, you know! Like- I thought you came here to be alone and I, um, didn't want to bother you? I understand that sometimes a brother needs a few moments on his own ... and uh, yeah! That's all.

[ It hurts. Just a little. But- he knew he'll get over it.

He clears his throat, idly toying with his fingers before he looked up to Gamzee again. ]

When you get better, do you ... uh ... want to do something together? Maybe go on an adventure or whatever. There are some pretty cool places in this tower. That are ... safe and kinda fun.

If you want ...

[hystericull]

[This time, there was an actual grin on this idiot's face. Nothing tired, nothing listless, nothing forced. He was just so damn relieved to be back to the beginning, he never wanted to veer off the beaten path ever again. Bad Things happened when you took chances, and sometimes you did something stupid and the person you loved the most didn't want anything to do with you anymore. Better to keep to what works and never, ever do anything to fuck up.]

[The smile stayed on even after they'd lost contact. He listened to Tavros speak with rapt attention, believing every word the boy said, because he had never given him a reason not to. Gamzee shook his head in earnest, closing his eyes for a moment and chuckling happily to himself.]

That part's all at bein' motherfuckin' true in that a brother up and got his hoof on here to get his wicked lonely ponder on...

[He mused, looking out over the lake with a thoughtful expression.]

But, all that stuff kinda be, like, all taking the motherfucking backseat to all what's the more important thing of bein' able to get my stubs set on my most favoritest of motherfuckin' bulls who all I ain't been gettin' a lot of my motherfuckin' see on of as of fuckin' late, yo.

[He looked back to Tavros, giving him another smile. His tone hadn't been accusatory in the slightest, simply an observation. Tavros had a life, too, he didn't expect him to be at his every beck and call. It was nice to get to talk to him once in a while, whenever he'd happened to be available.]

[At the suggestion, Gamzee beamed. If he didn't have a useless lump for an ankle, he'd be bouncing around with as much excitement as he could muster in his current state.]

Fuuuuck yeah, dog! An adventure sounds all like what's would be the motherfuckin' shit's tits right about fuckin' now!

Or, uh.

When I all got a foot that's bein' all to work, and stuff, I guess.

[:o/]

Honk.

[pushedaround]

Heh, no need to rush my friend! As soon as you get better, let a brother know, and we're off to an adventure. It's going to be fun. I promise!

[ And it's one of those rare moments where Tavros looked extremely confident. He did a little exploring in the tower, made some new friends, tamed a few monsters and discovered new places to show Gamzee. As long as he's in this calm mood, he can handle it. So he's hoping that nothing horrible strikes and ruins everything. They seriously needed some bro time; bond again and forget all the confusion that went down between them. It should help, right?

He hasn't started celebrating just yet, not when Gamzee mentioned that he hadn't been around much lately. Tavros tried his very best to keep the guilt from paralyzing him again, and so far he was doing a good job.

He brought a hand up, idly toying and ruffling his hair, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. It was .... very difficult for him to lie again. He despised it. It's not like him to be this fake with anyone, or even with himself! But Tavros was starting to turn into something he didn't like. He was being untruthful to himself and to others. More importantly ... he was flat-out lying to the only troll he actually cares about.

He was torn again. ]

Yeah ... I know I haven't been around much. It's just- It has been really crazy lately, and I figured that ... I needed to be alone for a while? Uh. I've been trying so hard to be there for you, but I realized that if I'm not well, I'll bring more harm than good and ...

I didn't want to mess things up. So, I apologize, for not being around.

[ Not entirely a lie but he was avoiding the main reason of his absence like a bullet. He looked up to Gamzee again and tried to smile, but it came out a little shaky. ]

... I really wanted to see you, though.

[


'I miss you' ]

[hystericull]

[Gamzee waved a hand hurriedly, as if he could clear away all of the hesitation and doubt and regret that Tavros was so heartily dealing out.]

Nahhh, bro, don't even be all to fuckin' worryin' on that noise, for real!

[He was all grins and teeth, upbeat not only for Tavros but, maybe... maybe for himself, as well. Tavros brought out all of these emotions in him that always seemed to take him by surprise, no matter how much time he spent with the brownblood. It had always been so easy to be happy, to try infecting others with the jubilance he'd felt on a daily basis. He hadn't lost a beat by waking up in the Tower. He'd kept on, trying to cheer people up or help out or stick his nose in where it didn't belong, only with the best intentions.]

[And then the Tower happened. Well, that wasn't entirely it. He guessed... he happened, too. He crashed hard, off of the sopor. All of those pent-up emotions and urges exploding from him like an unstoppable force. Multiple people speaking to him through his own head at all times. He'd lost sight of that happiness. It had seemed so far away, now. It didn't even seem like him, back then. Or, maybe, it didn't seem like he was himself, now. Ugh, it was all so confusing.]

[Right now, though? Right now, he was acting on autopilot. The old, stupid Gamzee was spilling from his mouth and from his hands before he could even give his actions a second thought. When he did have time to realize it, he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. But that feeling was short-lived, because all he had to do was just look at this boy, and he was back to making a fool out of himself, goofing off and being happy again.]

Motherfuckin' wicked harsh been the haps as of fucking late, yo. This brother be gettin' his feel on of you on that for motherfucking certain.

[He nodded gravely, keeping the smile on, however. It wasn't a chore, now.]

Peeps gotta all do what's bein' right in their fuckin' souls. Or, like, what all they be hearing them little magic fairy motherfuckers squeakin' up in their hear ducts, yeah?

[Gamzee wrapped his arms around the knee of his good leg, which was bent up to allow him a place to rest his chin. Oh, God, he was getting too wrapped up in his relapse into his old self. There was that absolutely smitten look of adoration he used to shamelessly let his face fall into every time he looked at Tavros. Eyelids tugged downwards like he was high off his ass, stupid grin all over his face. What a sorry sight.]

Glad you all did, bro. Been wantin' to get these motherfuckin' gander bulbs of mine at you, too. Ain't been doin' too well what's for my fucking own recently, neither. Maybe it was all like, bein' a good thing we been on a little vacay from the visits, I guess.

[pushedaround]

Yes, but- I don't want us to take any, uh, vacay from each other.

[ He shifted slightly, following Gamzee's lead and bringing his knees up to rest his cheek against them, settling in a way that allowed him to face the highblood and somewhat ... leaning a bit closer to him. Thus, he kept his voice low. Almost as if he was sharing the most secretive piece of information, and he didn't want anyone outside their little circle to hear him. He didn't know why, but he felt -in this very moment- he can open up to his friend.

Just like the old times. But, maybe a little more personal. Just a little! He is still being careful. ]

At the time I didn't know what else to do, but I don't want it to be a habit of mine. I don't want to walk away from my brother. I want to be strong enough to know what to do and get it done. You know?

To be there for you and not ... mess up.

[ He paused before laughing a bit. God, that was pathetic, but it was better than Gamzee assuming that he was avoiding him because he didn't want to deal with his shit or something awful like that. It is unacceptable. Tavros would do anything for him, but he had to learn how to handle situations better and to stay the fuck calm when things take a nasty turn. Knowing the tower, they will have to deal with a lot of difficulties in the future whether they like it or not. It's not something they can avoid.

He's working on it. He'll do whatever it takes to be that person Gamzee can depend on.

For now, he seemed to find extreme comfort as he regarded his brother, and he couldn't keep his eyes off him. It's been a long time since he had seen that smile on Gamzee's features, and he knew he was happy, and god ... it's been a while. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen that boy happy and Tavros felt this incredible sense of relief, and-

- He let's out a soft exhale, lips curling up and showing some teeth. ]

But, you know, I'll be better. I promise! Bro promise. Heh.

[ No idea where to start, but he'll figure something out. Later. Now he's focused on other things. ]

First, we need to get that ankle of yours all good again.

[hystericull]

Whoa, whoa, whoaaaaa! Hahaha, kindly be all slowin' that fuckin' noise train of yours all the motherfuck down, my wicked motherfucker!

[Gamzee held his hands up after listening to Tavros' feelings, easing him into cooling his jets just a little bit.]

There be way too much fuckin' sorries all up in them verses you got flowin' at my way just motherfucking now, bro.

[He laughs again, reaching a hand out to place it on the boy's shoulder reassuringly.]

You be my best of motherfuckin' bros, you all are. Greatest of all the bros what's them magical little star peeps got all to pickin' out when they had to up and be deciding who all got to be sharin' that wicked friendship disease, you all fuckin' is.

You ain't never made a motherfucker have no regretsies on bein' up and handed that fuckin' honor of bein' your bro, and you ain't never gonna. All them wicked harshes you been spoutin' off that seem all like nasty things in your eyes ain't all up and bein' nothin' in mine, motherfucker.

Long as we be bros will all be the time when I be fuckin' happiest in my motherfuckin' pump biscuit, you know? Ain't gotta get your worry on at messin' up this, or fuckin' up that. Ain't no broship be founded on what if's, brother. You take that shit as it motherfuckin' come, and you just roll with it as bros, you feel me?

[pushedaround]

[ Tavros listened carefully, nodding once a while, even when he knew Gamzee will lean to the idea of dealing with issues at times and not worry about it beforehand. He was aware of his friend's philosophy and way of thinking, and he had to ... disagree with him.

Tavros tried this approach and look how well it turned out for them. No, he couldn't forget and just go with the flow. He couldn't do that, Gamzee. Maybe it was easier for the highblood to keep such a carefree attitude, since a few significant memories didn't make it to his thinkpan, so- it's probably a lot easier for him, right? Maybe. Fuck, he didn't know! One thing for sure, he couldn't go back to how he used to be. Not when he encountered all that rage. He's pretty sure all he had witnessed before was a mere glimpse of Gamzee's true capacities.

He had a lot of anger, ready to implode, and- he couldn't ignore that. ]

... Yeah. I feel ya'.

[ That's all he could say right now, even when there are still a lot of 'but' and 'what if's' roaming inside his head. For now, he stayed quiet. He then ... gently tipped his head to the side, enough to rest his cheek against the slim fingers on his shoulder, nuzzling softly and closing his eyes; embracing what little comfort the brief contact offered. Gamzee's hand felt cold against his skin. It was ... nice.

Comforting. ]

Alright, brother. I will ... try my best, okay?

[hystericull]

Hahaha! Motherfuckin' wicked, bro.

[Gamzee wiggled his fingers underneath Tavros' cheek, relishing the warm sensation that danced across the backs of them as he did so. It made his bloodpusher flip and his bilesack flop like they'd always done, but he was becoming an old pro at ignoring it - or attempting to, anyway.]

You get all your hardest of tries goin' on that fuckin' shit, and everything be all up and motherfuckin' bitchtits in zero time, yeah?

[Gamzee tilted his head, repositioning his other leg so it wasn't at such an awkward angle, trying not to disturb the leg that had the mangled foot at the end of it, all while avoiding any sudden movements that would make Tavros take his head off of his hand because hhhh. That was doing funny things to his guts.]

Oh. Uh... yeah.

[His broad grin fell to sort of a slant.]

Gotta all throw down just one fucking more not-dope thing, probably.

[...]

Which is to be meaning all, like, more like a sorry, I motherfuckin' guess.

Which I ain't too sure be needing to be said, really, 'cause I ain't all being too motherfucking sure if what's the sorry's for was even all up to be motherfuckin' done or not, but...

[Wow did he ever stop talking.]

Like, ain't been all feelin' too much fuckin' like what's myself feels like, lately, like I all was to be sayin' earlier. Don't really know much on that shit, and it all gets sorta fuzzy-like in the pan when I be fuckin' all tryin' to think on it.

Uh, I mean...

Like, if I all was to be doin' anything what's motherfuckin' would be being unchill at you or nothing recently?

[He really, really fucking hoped he didn't even see Tavros when he was being an assfuck, but everything was so warped and he couldn't remember much of anything, so it was best to cover his bases. The only thing he really remembered was finding him as the Tower collapsed, and those recollections were hazy at best.]

Then it be all sorts of motherfuckin' shames on me, yo. Ain't would never wanna up and do nothin' to get a harsh goin' at you or nothing.

[He offered a smile. He hadn't done anything like that, anyway, right?]

Honk.

[pushedaround]

[ You know that guilt? The guilt he was trying so hard to neglect? Yeah. He couldn't ignore it anymore. It returned with vengeance and now it's Tavros' turn to raise his hands and stop the highblood from getting more words out of his mouth.

He was no longer nuzzling into his hand like a lovesick puppy, instead he twisted his body to face Gamzee, staring at him dead serious. At least, his tone came out calm. A little rough but he didn't sound angry. ]

Gamzee.

You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Nothing! The last thing you need to say to me is 'I'm sorry' or 'If I have done anything to upset you' or ... anything within that area! So, please, never apologize. Not right now anyway because ... you haven't done anything bad, okay?

You didn't cross any boundaries or red lines. You didn't ... do anything inappropriate or-

Uh.

Didn't do anything that is considered disgusting and and .... so unacceptable and then felt good about it !

[ s t o p

talking. Now.

Tavros swallowed thickly before he turned his head to the side, eyes on the water again. Yes, he needs to keep his mouth shut and simply breathe in the fresh air. It should help, right? Since he didn't have a fucking moirail to pap and shoosh him into submission, he had to do it on his own. It's so ridiculous. One minute he was calm and happy, the next he wanted to throw himself on the ground and claw things.

He didn't allow it to happen, though. He'll just have to cover up for that small slip and blame it on not being well again. ]

I mean- there is no need to say 'I'm sorry' to a brother. I'm sure we will forgive each other, no matter how badly one of us screwed up.

[ He looks at Gamzee. ]

... You will always forgive a bro, right?

[hystericull]

Wh--

[Gamzee began to raise his hands up, to halt Tavros mid-rant and explain to him that, no, it ain't worth all the noise, brother. But, maybe this was something that Tavros had to say for himself? To make himself feel better? Gamzee closed his trap, shoved his hands in his lap, and just, gawked at the slew of confusing sentences that came barreling his way.]

[Telling him not to apologize, because he hadn't done anything wrong? Okay. He could get that! He didn't really think he'd had any contact with Tavros for the past few weeks, save for the recent Tower disaster. But... wait. Red... lines? Inappropriate? Disgusting? Unacceptable??? Oh, no, no. No, oh no.]

Ha ha, oh, shit, brother, that ain't bein' what fuckin' all I was up at meaning in the motherfuckin' slightest! I, uh--

[Tavros was looking back out over the lake. He looked so upset. So conflicted. ...Did Gamzee say something wrong? He didn't mean anything like that by his apologies - in fact, he knew all too well where Tavros stood on that particular issue, and he'd thought they were well past that fuckup of sweeps past. How it even was brought up again here was fucking lost on him.]

I didn't-- Er, ah, uhhh... what?

F-forgive?

[The fuck was even happening right now. Didn't matter. When you didn't get something, it was best to just ride it out - go with the flow, like he'd just instructed Tavros to do. Everything would fall into place eventually if you just went with it. He smiled gently, reconsidering his approach to the whole thing.]

'Course I all would, motherfucker. You'd better all get your good know on of that noise, for fuckin' real. 'Course, heh, that'd be all to motherfucking imply that you'd ever be doin' somethin' what's all gotta be up and motherfuckin' forgiven for, firstly.

And, bro, this motherfucker be pretty wicked certain that ain't never gonna be a thing that's all gonna fuckin' be happening.

[pushedaround]

Brother ...

[ He couldn't take it anymore. Gamzee was saying all those nice things and going on with how he's all certain that Tavros would never do anything wrong to him, and- he seriously couldn't take this. It was suffocating him. He didn't want to keep up with all the pity lies and acts.

Gamzee deserved better. He deserved some honesty. He deserved so much more.

Tavros is fucking terrified, though. He is facing the risk of losing this friendship, losing Gamzee's trust and that scared him more than anything in this tower. The air felt heavy around them, but he was surprisingly steady. Well, if you ignored his trembling fingers and the heat around his cheeks, he should look calm enough. He managed to force himself to settle down, and once he did he returned their eye contact.

He's not smiling this time. ]

Nah, bro. I ... messed up.

I really messed up. I- Uh.

[ Oh god, this is harder than he thought. Tavros felt incredibly sick to his stomach but kept going anyway. ]

I don't ... really want to tell you what happened, exactly, but you need to know that I ... did something I'm not proud of. I w-won't be doing it again, not within those circumstances, for sure, or ... ever? I don't know. Uhhhh. But ... It's really unchill of me. I just ... can't lie to you, brother. If you want to know, I could tell you, but-

[ He didn't know if he was brave enough to say it. Fuck. ]

I ... I'm really sorry. I-I don't know ... what happened or why and it's just ... I don't want to lie to you anymore! And-

[ He's not making any sense. He knew that, but he couldn't stop ... talking! The following words came out louder than intended and somewhat forced. ]

Just-- don't be mad at me for too long! O-Okay?

[hystericull]

[When Tavros turned to look at him again, Gamzee's hopeful grin was met with a miserable scowl. Somewhat taken aback by his friend's unhappy demeanor, Gamzee soon felt his own smile fade. He listened intently, expression turning concerned after Tavros' first few sentences. It wasn't so much the content of the sentences, but how they were making Tavros act that bothered him. Never before had he seen him so burdened. Of course, he'd had his fair share of stress - dealing with the paralysis and being confined to a wheelchair, suddenly having to depend on others for so much. It takes a great toll on someone, and Gamzee had seen that unease on him before, but it wasn't quite the same as the look Tavros was giving him now.]

[Gamzee wanted desperately to wipe that look off of Tavros' face. Wanted to say or do something to crack this almost spellbound look on the boy's face as he alluded to some vague, unspeakable acts he may have committed in the recent past. Gamzee didn't know. The truth was, he didn't care. He was being completely honest when he said it wouldn't matter to him if ever Tavros went and fucked up somehow. So blindly devoted to this troll was he, that he'd forgive any and all trespasses against him or anything else in the fucking world in an instant.]

[He just had to figure out how to calm him down. Gamzee waited until Tavros had stopped speaking for quite some time, to make sure he'd gotten it all out - and that last, stammered plea was a pretty good indication of just that - and had nothing more to say. He took a breath in, before returning the smile to his face. It wasn't as wide as before, only because it wouldn't be quite the proper response in lieu of recent sentiments.]

Tavros. My most mystical and motherfuckin' adorable of fairy-chasin' slam poets. When all has this motherfucker ever been up to havin' to get the lowdown on any fuckin' noise what's bein' all up to transpire around him?

[This was not as assertive as he wanted it to be. But, fucking hell, how could he be assertive to Tavros!?]

What I'm all gettin' at meaning - and what's more, doin' up all a motherfucking piss-poor job on it - is that you ain't gotta be tellin' in me not one more fuckin' word on shit you ain't deeming all motherfuckin' fit to be told, yo.

[He leaned forward, sliding their torsos together as he wrapped his bony arms around Tavros' shoulders and gave a squeeze. Poor boy looked like he was in dire need of about six-thousand hugs. Well, five-thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine hugs, now. Gamzee was well prepared to dish out the remaining balance, too.]

[He couldn't quite maneuver his head over Tavros' shoulder to complete the hug, so he rested the sides of their heads together, speaking into the boy's ear.]

I ain't never gonna be mad at you, motherfucker. No matter what you all up and get to doin'. So, whatever it all be you be gettin' your jumpies on about, consider it to be not even no fuckin' thing no more, you hear?

[pushedaround]

[ He really didn't expect any of this, mainly the embrace. It took him a while to process the situation and notice that Gamzee is not mad at him, and had completely forgiven him regardless of what he had done. The fuck? Tavros' eyebrows furrowed, half-scowling at the empty space behind them, not really getting what the fuck is going on!

Regardless, his body reacted to the embrace in the most casual approach, hands reaching out to hold into Gamzee's back. They stayed there for a bit before he guided his right one to curl his fingers against the back of the highblood's neck, leveling his head with his own, lips close to the other's ear as well. ]

... o-okay.

[ No, what. Is Gamzee being serious about this? Can he really get away with so many things? Tavros was still a little shaken, but he was doing a good job in settling down, but not yet acknowledging their closeness. Not consciously, anyway. His breathing was uneven, his chest rising and falling as he struggled to find enough composure to be able to think again. With their current closeness, he managed to pick up the highblood unique scent, and it triggered some intimate memories. He ignores it, or-- tries to. ]

So ... you, uh, forgive me? Um. Okay.

I should ... forget about it, and ... pretend it never happened or it did, but all is excused, or something ... Yeah?

[ Just making sure here, because ... fuck, he knew they were good friends, but Gamzee is taking this to a whole new level. It's not like Tavros felt differently, he would forgive Gamzee for anything and everything, but ... he is Tavros! So that doesn't count. He apologized to Vriska for killing him! However, Gamzee is different, and after experiencing all that rage, the lowblood expected the absolute worst. ]

... That simple, huh? All forgiven.

[ His body felt heavy, shifting more of his weight against Gamzee's slender form; the hand on his back gripped into his shirt gently. ]

.... Okay. I hear you, my best friend.

[ He closed his eyes, pressing closer; clinging. ]

You promised. You promised that you'll never be mad at me ... that w-was a promise, right?

[hystericull]

[Excuse him while he sits there, listening to Tavros speak right up against his ear, feeling his warmth against his naked face, breathing him in as he often did when they embraced. However, prior embraces were not as lengthy, so he did take a moment to revel in this. He hoped Tavros didn't notice.]

[The boy sounds desperate, anxious. Gamzee had no idea what is was that had him all worked up like this, but it was something he needed to make go away. Without asking for specifics, it made the task a little more difficult, but nothing impossible. He tried keeping his actions safe, platonic, friendly. He took a breath in, patting his bony hand against Tavros' back gently.]

Yeah, yeah, you bet it all fuckin' was, bro. No more frettin' on that noise, yeah? Like I just was all to be motherfuckin' saying at you - just up and get your fuckin' relax on, motherfucker. It's cool, it all fuckin' chill with us.

[His voice was calm, and he tried to be as reassuring as possible. The hand that had been patting the boy's back was now making excruciatingly slow treads up and down his spine. Not too far, not too fast, gotta keep this in the friend zone. He couldn't afford to fuck shit up. He just wanted some level ground, here.]

You can be all forgetting, or gettin' your remember on of it, or tellin' me or not tellin' me or whatever the fuck it is you all need to be motherfuckin' doing, my little bro. After that, and more fuckin' importantly, we get fuckin' rid all of this motherfucking weirdness aura we got goin' on here. Though I ain't much too fuckin' sure what's all it got it's originate on from in the first fuckin' place, a bro will gladly be the motherfucker to send it fucking packing.

[He finally pulled back, figuring that was nearing the boundary of too much contact. His hands still remained on Tavros' shoulders, however, and he laughed.]

Smile for me, motherfucker. Oh, how I be all wishin' that you fuckin' would!

[pushedaround]

[ It would be nice if he heard half of the things Gamzee had said. It probably had to do with how he should forget about it, move on, life is beautiful and short. Maybe? One thing for sure, he knew Gamzee supported him, and that's all he needs right now. It was almost disheartening when the highblood pulled away from him, and Tavros tried his best not to look so miserable about it, but he's certainly .... not cooperating. Haha. Gamzee will have to, literally, push that useless piece of lump off him, which he probably did as he held his shoulders, otherwise Tavros would have stayed leaning on the other. Forever.

Why did he have to break the hug, though? So unfair.

He stared at him, blinking slowly and lashes low. At least, he was focused enough to understand what Gamzee is asking him to do, and how can he deny his red crush any request? Yeah, a crush. He decided it's time to suck it up, be honest with himself and embrace his pathetic fate of drooling over the troll who could have been his matesprit, but he was so fucking late to notice and missed his chance. But, hey, he was asking him something. He wanted him to smile, didn't he? That's all? He'll smile for all eternity if he had to. ]

Anything for you, brother.

[ He smiled. In fact, he stretched his lips even more, showing off all his sharp teeth and eyes firmly shut, making a somewhat ridiculous face while wiggling the tip of his ears playfully. ]

How about this smile, bro? Heh.

[ He chuckles, a bit tired, but his mood was lightening up for sure. He decided to stop being so difficult and finally freed Gamzee from holding him off, pulling away to settle back on the ground. He reached out to ruffle Gamzee's wild hair briefly. ]

Thanks, man. I'm all chill now. Sorta. I have no idea what started all of this weirdness between us- [ Another white lie. Oh, he's getting good at this! Tavros is not sure whether that was a good thing or bad. Wait, that's definitely ... not something to be proud of. ] -but, I don't think it will last. Bros for life, remember? We're just ... going through some rough time, but we're still holding up.

Um. I guess I need a little more time to, uhh, calm down, but I'll be happy as long as you are well. That's all I need.

[hystericull]

[He hadn't really noticed before, but Tavros was in a rare state. He knew things had been weighing on the boy's mind, but the way he leaned into him suggested that he was in need of some attention - someone to listen. Who did he have here in the Tower? Gamzee couldn't be sure what friends he'd made during his stay here, if he was close enough with any of them to share what was troubling him. If that was the case, and he didn't have anyone else to turn to (seeing as Gamzee was probably the one out of all of their mutual friends here that Tavros was the closest to, now that Vriska was gone. ...Fucking Vriska.) then Gamzee would have to reconsider telling Tavros to drop it. After all, he... knew what happened when you tried forgetting. It just came back to bite you in the ass.]

[This train of thought was quickly derailed by Tavros' attempt at a smile. It sent Gamzee's pump biscuit fluttering at about a million miles an hour, grin splitting his own face to match in record time, and despite the sputtering and desperate snorting he was trying to hold back to contain his laughter, the attempt was about as futile as trying to get Tavros to stop being so fucking adorable.]

Hahahahahahahahahahonkhonkhonkhonkhonk!!!

[God, he hadn't laughed in forever. He wanted to just lean the fuck forward and kiss all over the kid's face, but even if he actually had the balls to, he would have to stop pissing himself laughing first. It was actually sort of painful, because Gamzee didn't just chuckle and get it over with - when something struck him, he fucking laughed it out until he couldn't breathe, until purple tears were rolling down his face and he had to fall over on his side because he couldn't hold himself up any more. It hurt his ankle a lot to be flailing around like this, but he couldn't fucking help it! That face was too hilarious to ignore and not immediately dissolve into a laughing, honking mess.]

[Oh, God, he was so in love with him.]

[NO STOP. That wasn't the thought he meant to have! He would just prop himself back up on his elbows, staring up at those shiny, sharp teeth and trying to mimic the expression himself. Gamzee scrunched his wet eyes all up, pulling the corners of his mouth as far as they could go, revealing his own set of crooked, pointy teeth. He was thinking it was good like this - just bros like old times, hanging out and being stupid and not having any of this other shit floating around between them. And then Tavros' hand was in his hair and he was saying all of these nice things - but the most important part was the fact that he was talking about being friends. That was his cue, that was his hint, and he nodded enthusiastically in response.]

Let a brother know what all he can be fuckin' doing to be helping a motherfucker sort his shit out, won't you?

[pushedaround]

[ Of course, naturally, Tavros couldn't keep a straight face when Gamzee lost all his cool and started an episode of hysterical laughter. The lowblood lost it as well, gasping and chuckling uncontrollably at the respond, not really expecting it ... considering the circumstances. However, he was so fucking happy to see that nothing had changed between them, and he can still make the highblood laugh to tears over the stupidest things. It felt so refreshing, to hear nothing but the sound of their laughter in the air and when he finally forced his eyes open, he noted Gamzee's grin, trying to mimic him earlier. He could have survived that face without embarrassing himself easy, but as soon as he noticed that Gamzee had some tears in his eyes from all the laughing, Tavros couldn't help but to stare at him like a lovesick puppy. He is beyond help at this point.

Tavros was a little flustered, but he didn't panic, only because he can easily blame the intense laughter for all the warmth. So, it's not weird or anything, right?? He did, however, rub on his cheeks to make it go away. Just in case. ]

Heh, well- if you really want to help a brother out, you can start by promising me a couple of things.

Are you ready for this?

[ Whether he was or not, Tavros didn't wait for a response. Instead, he raised his index finger, almost in a lecture-like manner, but still smiling down at his beloved friend. Since Gamzee is in a good mood now, he might as well take advantage of it. Get a few things done. ]

First, you need to promise me that you'd be more responsible about your injury and give yourself enough time to recover. Don't be walking around, going on adventures with a swollen ankle. That's not right.

Second, I need you to ... start eating more. [ His smile softened a little, looking a tad concerned here. ] I hope I'm not crossing any boundaries by saying this, brother. But you're not looking as healthy as you used to. I know the food is awful in the cafeteria, but ... if I managed to find something better, will you promise me that you'd eat more? Uhh, I can promise you it will be something delicious and worthy for your tummy! Only the best for my brother.

[ He paused, muttering 'what else' to himself while rubbing at his chin. He knew had a fucking long list of concerns, but he had to narrow it down so he won't overwhelm Gamzee. ]

I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete ass, but-- you, uh, need to put yourself first? I mean- You tend to worry about everyone before yourself. While I do love that thing about you, it what makes you such a great friend to me and all the other trolls, but I think .... right now ... you need to focus on yourself, alright brother?