towerofanimus | A dead man's wish

A dead man's wish

Characters: Everyone.
Setting: Everywhere, July 11th
Format: Whatever you want - it's a mingle log, after all.
Summary: While Naoya gets the reveal started on the network, Enoch takes care of physical copies.
Warnings: Reveal. Info. Nothing else, inherently.

*There's something different about the tower today. Not in a big way, not like the power or glamours are out. For one thing, everyone with a mailbox will get this note, unsigned:

Souls in our world are defined as the self. Even those without anything that can be considered a soul in their own worlds would manifest one here. Souls are extremely resilient - they can be torn out of their body and survive provided they are removed in the right manner. But they shouldn't be of course - the side effects might be disastrous in ways we can't quite understand. It's happened here before. Souls can be torn out of this world the same as in any other. Here though they can split - that's extremely important. They can split and merge if you have the right skillset. Never lose your soul in the Tower of Animus. None of yours are yet lost - but never lose it! They won't come back whole if you let her swallow them up. The power must have gone by now - she'll want to restore the tower. Everyone who ended up trapped on their own worlds is now in grave danger! She can't take souls as Zo can, but she can siphon them and she can squeeze all the energy out of them.

As soon as this message is decoded put it in as many places as possible! Put it on the network make copies and plaster them on the walls. Do everything you can so that as many people read this message as possible. There isn't enough energy to erase everyone's memories!

Remember - souls born here can be split and reabsorbed here. A soul born elsewhere can be split there, but there's no way to put it back together unless you can put it back where it's supposed to be.

Not everything is as fake as it seems. Your souls are here and you have all been drugged to keep certain aspects of yourselves contained but every part of you is here. You can use that against them if you can figure out how to unchain yourselves. I'm afraid you'll have Jason as your first opponent as he's the one with the keys you need. Be careful! There is information everywhere though much of it has been nearly permanently sealed. I can make it possible for you to access it, although you will all have to unlock it.

If that wasn't strange enough, you've probably seen it already. The same message is posted throughout the tower - on bathroom stalls, on walls, on tables. There are easily over a hundred pieces of paper.

And hey... Isn't that the same note "the Observer" put up on the network yesterday evening?*

((ooc: Mingle log for reactions off the network! Have fun!))

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[Diarmuid shakes his head and tries to smile. The smile is small, though.]

No, you are making perfect sense. Many people have told me this, in fact. I am sure my friends would like it better if I finally accepted that I can't save everyone, but I just can't do that. I want them all to be safe and happy too much to back down or accept failure.

[He looks down again for a moment.]

Of course, I know I will fail. I might be failing someone right now...

[His eyes close for a moment as he thinks of Suzaku.]

...but I won't give up on him or anyone else until I know there is absolutely no hope left for them. Call it foolish, but I will hold onto even the slightest chance that something might work out as opposed to just giving up. After all, giving up gets you nothing. Trying may fail, but it also might get you everything you ever hoped for.

[It seemed like they were both wearing weak, mask-like smiles then. However, Tohko caught that 'him' and looked a bit puzzled at it.]

I would, normally, agree with you, Diarmuid. And I do, for the most part. However, I'm telling you that it might help you to accept that fact that even though you'll try to save everyone, you will sometimes fail to, even when you do your best. You have a tendency to overthink on failures sometimes, and you blame yourself a lot..so that's what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want to see you hurt yourself like that.

And I don't mean to be nosy, but..who's the 'he' that you mentioned?

Edited 2013-07-13 07:20 (UTC)

[Diarmuid's smile saddens, but also seems to become more true at her words.]

Thank you, Tohko. I do understand what you are saying and I am thankful for your concern. I will try to keep that in mind. I am well aware of the fact that I blame myself for too much. It is a fault I have had all of my life.

And please, don't worry about being nosy. It is all right. One of my friends... His name is Suzaku. I don't know if you know him or not, but he was one of the starter monsters for Ruana's little game last month. He did some horrible things and now...

[Diarmuid's expression becomes a mixture of sadness and frustration.]

He was healing. It was slow but he was healing from the things he been made to do on his home world before he came here. Now he just seems broken and I cannot get him to listen to the things I tell him. I don't want to see him give up. I can't see him give up. It hurts too much. He...he far too much like me...

[Tohko had heard of Suzaku, and while she would have liked to have said that if Diarmuid was aware of the fact that he blamed himself too much than he could work towards not doing so, she was more interested in helping Diarmuid help Suzaku.]

I've met Suzaku before, but it is terrible that he was put into that position right as he was healing. However..this is just a guess on my part, but if he's like you, than he must be a little knight-like, right? Haven't you yourself faced hardship in the past when you were a knight when you decided to run away with your wife?

I don't know if you were ever brought to the point Suzaku's at right now..but if you can point him to your own past, which is similar, and say that he can keep going and fix things, since you have, maybe he'll listen to that and try to move forward. If he stops listening to you altogether..then try giving him a few books.

[Diarmuid shakes his head sadly.]

I wish it was that easy. He and I have talked of our pasts before, but I fear he is beyond hearing now. I spoke to him and he listened, but he did not hear. Even the threat of violence did not seem to shake him.

[He seems a little ashamed that he had gone so far, but he was desperate for any way to try and help at the time.]

I don't know if words alone can reach him now...words of any kind. Perhaps if he could see not all his actions are bad, that might help, but I have no idea how to even start working on something like that.

[At that, Tohko sighed, and patted Diarmuid on the head..but she could see a fault in where Diarmuid had tried to reach Suzaku.]

Talking about your past and using it as an example are two different things, you know. Sometimes, people don't understand that you've been through something similar and are still standing and that they can pull through too unless you let them know. However..you shouldn't have used violence. You were probably frustrated and sad that he was going down a bad path, but using violence probably only made the whole thing worse. It probably just made him block his ears even more.

I'm sure words will be able to reach him, if you use them properly. I don't know much about Suzaku's past, but maybe you could point to some people that he has helped in the past and let him know that he won't be able to help anyone else if he gives up. And if he's worried about becoming a monster full-time..you could let him know that Ruana stole away his free will and that what he did during that time wasn't his fault because he wasn't in control of himself.

Tohko, I don't think you understand! Do you really think I hurt him?

[He gives her a shocked and slightly sick look. Does she really think he would so easily hurt someone he calls his friend?]

I threatened him...like I threatened so many of the knights I have worked with in the past. Sometimes when you withdraw into yourself so far the only thing that will shock you back out is the threat of violence, but I would never hurt him! He's my friend!

[He pauses for a moment to calm himself.]

Have you ever seen someone completely broken, Tohko? So that when you look at them only the eyes of a dead person stare back? Your friend, Chia... Was she ever that bad?

[At that, Tohko sighed and shook her head.]

Not physically or intentionally, but you might have. I haven't talked with Suzaku, so I don't know for certain..but it's possible. I know he's your friend and that you would never hurt him but..sometimes you just fall so deep into a pt that even threats and small gestures of violence can cause a person to want that violence to end themselves, or make them plug up their ears even more because they think they're being abused.

You may not have hurt him, and you weren't trying to. But..it might have happened anyway.

[Tohko sighed again and scratched her head. Both of their nerves were frayed, which wasn't making this conversation any easier.]

..Chia did have that look on her face, but considering her circumstances, I can understand why. Diarmuid, she had no empathy, and she was very emotionally crippled, I think. She couldn't understand why people loved something or hated something and couldn't feel those emotions herself. She did feel a great shame in not being able to be like the others and put on a happy, cute mask so that she could fool others and live on, even though she was constantly worried about people finding out and killing her in a rage.

She once had a best friend who saw through her act, and while Chia was terrified of her, she became a tight companion of the girl so that her secret wouldn't get out, even though her friend didn't like her that much. One day, when her friend tried to walk away from Chia in the street, Chia pretended to trip in the road so that her friend would come back because she didn't want her friend to go away and reveal her secret. Her friend rushed out into the middle of the road and helped her..but was killed by a car. And yet, Chia felt nothing but shame that she felt nothing.

There's a bit more to her story, but, she was, basically, a suicidal mime. That's how bad she was.

Tohko.... Do you know that Suzaku can't die? Oh, I am sure the Tower can find ways to deactivate it, but he has had a geass placed upon him. It won't let him die. It literally moves him out of harm's way.

[Diarmuid shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair.]

Besides, he might be broken but he would not look to suicide even if he could. I know he still wants to fix things too much. It is just getting him to remember he wants to do that and that he can do it.

[He listens quietly as she speaks of her friend, his face filling with pain at the girl's plight.]

I...can't imagine living like that. There are times I wish I could control my emotions better--like I did back when I first lived--but I would never want them to be gone completely. No wonder she was so broken. But...you say she could feel shame. Isn't that an emotion? And if she could feel that, isn't there hope that one day she might feel more?

You said you were finally able to get her to see that there might be hope. How did you do that? What did you say to her?

[While Tohko hadn't mentioned that Suzaku was going to commit suicide, she let it slide for a moment, since something both puzzled her..and made her rather sad.]

It's terrible that he has something like that placed on him then! I don't know who was foolish enough to do something like that..but they must not have been thinking. Immortality is horribly painful for most people. However..while I didn't say that he was going to commit suicide, don't you mean a geas, Diarmuid? Not a geass?

[Tohko then sighed and..wore a mask of a smile as she spoke about Chia.]

I can..but it would be absolutely horrific. Not being able to taste normal food is bad enough sometimes, but losing the ability to even feel hunger, pain and love would be terrifying. But yes, she could feel shame. There was still some hope that, one day, the others might wake up, back when we were on our own universe.

As for how we got her to help herself up..Chia, and her predecessor, Shuji Katoka, read a book entitled No Longer Human, which is rather dark and has a protagonist that is just like them, even though he doesn't commit suicide at the end of the story. Shuji did kill himself though and left a suicide note..which Chia found ten years later. After finding out what happened to him, Chia decided to take the same path, thinking that she was no longer human and that she would never change.

I told her that while Osamu Dazai did write dark stories like No Longer Human, he also wrote warm, loving stories and funny comedies, and stories that could give others hope, like Run, Melos!. I told her that she should at least live long enough to read them all cover to cover and write a ten thousand page report on them. At that..she let Konoha and I pull her to safety on the roof.

"My apologies if I misunderstood you. I assumed that since we were talking of your friend's suicidal nature and comparing the two that you meant he might try as well, and I just wanted to point out he wouldn't do such a thing. Indeed, he could not do such a thing.

"In this instance, I fully meant it when I said 'geass.' That is the word for such things on his world. However, it does mean the same as the word you use which is 'geas' and the word I would use to describe the ones I suffered under which is 'geis.' I suppose the differences are just shifts in language from world to world. In fact, it is kind of interesting that the words are so similar even though our worlds are not."

Diarmuid listens closely as she speaks of her friend. He can't help but frown, though. While he is glad they were able to help her, he is really afraid that Suzaku is beyond such a simple solution.

"It is good you were able to convince her not to jump. It would have solved nothing. Merely caused more pain. I just don't know that the same approach will work with Suzaku. He is very different from your friend even if they are both broken," Diarmuid bows his head to her. "Thank you for sharing so much with me. I will think it over. Hopefully, the tale will help direct me in some way. Even a small push in the right direction is better than the total confusion I face right now."

"It's alright! Don't worry about it..but you know..I only started talking about Chia's story when you asked about it. I meant that Suzaku might just fall deeper into his own pit..but I didn't think he would die, even if I didn't know at the time that he couldn't.

But..it is rather interesting that the words are tied together like that, even though we come from different universes. Maybe some words in some universes will always mean the same thing, even if they sound a little different."

While Tohko hadn't met Suzaku and wasn't sure of the boy's own logic and opinions of himself, if she did meet him, she would try her best to help him..and if Diarmuid ever mentioned that her solution was simple, she would smack him. Talking fast about the wonders of books and hope while your friend was dangling from your arm, telling you to drop her was not simple. It was terrifying, even if you were putting on a brave face at the time.

"I'm glad we did. After all..in doing so, we were able to make her think, at least a little, that there would be hope in continuing to live. I don't know Suzaku's internal thought process yet, so I can't say for certain whether it will work.but a variation might help."

At the bow, Tohko sighed..but smiled and patted him on the head.

"You're welcome. Hopefully what I've told you will be of some help to you..and if it isn't, you can always look in stories. There's usually something in them that will help, if you look."

"I really hope so. I know he is tired. Worn thin and not taking care of himself as well. I've done that to myself so I can recognize the signs. I asked him to rest, but who knows if he will have the time. As we have seen, things are starting to move much more rapidly around here. None of us are probably going to have much time for resting over the next few months."

Diarmuid falls quiet for a few moments before smiling rather sheepishly, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have changed the topic like that. I thank you so much for your help, but what about you? Are you feeling better now? If you wish to talk more about your worries for your family and everyone else who is back on their worlds, I will be glad to listen."

"Even if he doesn't have all the time in the world..it would still be best if he got some rest. There are a lot of people here, so he can take a few moments to sleep or relax. If we all take it in turns and work together, we'll be fine and prepared for anything. But..hopefully he'll listen to you and his other friends."

While it was nice that Diarmuid remembered the original topic, thinking about it made Tohko want to tear up a little bit, even if most of her tears had been drained. Thinking about Konoha being eaten by that witch and never writing another story, about Chia, who wouldn't be able to feel if she was dead, of Ryuto and her Aunt, who she wouldn't be able to laugh or talk with or even scold sometimes if they were dead..it was painful, but..she was also a bit tired of crying, even if she hadn't done so in a long time. So she just bit her lip as she replied, trying to put on a bold front.

"It's alright. Don't worry about it. I'm glad that I was able to help..and thank you. I feel a little better now, so I think I'll be alright..even if I am more worried than Christine when Raoul and the Persian were found in the torture-chamber."

Edited 2013-07-17 04:15 (UTC)

"Yes, he just needs to remember we are all here to help each other and that wish to help doesn't change just because someone made a mistake, especially if that mistake really wasn't their fault to begin with," Diarmuid nods in agreement, but he seems a little less willing to agree with Tohko's next words.

"I will worry anyway, just so you know. It is just how I am. If you want to cry or talk more, it is okay. After all, it is better to get it all out now than to have it come out when you can't afford to be distracted," he laughs slightly. "Not that emotions tend to cooperate that well anyway, but one can at least try to make them do so.

"Just whatever you do, try not to let yourself think too much about the 'what ifs' right now. We have no idea who she might go after next, who she might have already eaten, things like. Letting yourself get caught up in those things will only keep you from being able to take the right action when you need to. It's better to think about things like 'We will stop her in time to save our friends and family.'" Again, Diarmuid laughs, "Of course, perhaps I am saying this more for me than for you. After all, you tend to be one of the most positive people I know."

"Exactly. You can't really call it a mistake if it's not your fault to begin with."

..Even though she still wasn't a hundred percent, Tohko couldn't help but smile a little at the fact that Diarmuid would still worry, no matter what. She knew it was normal for him to do so..but that didn't mean she couldn't find it a little amusing, even now.

"That's true..but I think I'll be alright, for right now. And don't worry. Even if I am worried and can't completely stop thinking about negative 'what ifs', I'll keep moving forward and doing my best to help everyone. After all, I can't let everyone down, especially now!"

Tohko..couldn't help but chuckle a little, even if she was still feeling rather uneasy. As she kept speaking, she patted Diarmuid on the head again.

"Or you're saying it for the both of us. But I have to be positive! After all..it's hard to help others or be the person I want to become if I'm always negative and sad."

Diarmuid can't help but smile a little sheepishly. Even though she says it's for them both, he really does feel the words are more for him. Tohko herself is so strong emotionally, even when she is finally being overwhelmed by things. Had she not taken the time to help him with his worry about Suzaku even though she had been crying just a few moments before?

"Again you are correct. As I so often say, even small steps forward are steps forward even if we don't understand everything right away. As long as we don't give up and stay focused, some day we will understand, " Diarmuid stands up, motioning with the papers in his hands. "I would like to get back putting this up, but I also don't wish to leave you if you are still upset. Would you like to come with me? We can do this together and support each other as we need it."

Even though she had been upset and crying, she had managed to push away her own doubts and fears so that she could help Suzaku and Diarmuid. After all..it was hard to make deductions when you were sobbing and incoherent. Even though snot was still on the bridge between her mouth and nose.

"Right..as long as we keep moving forward, we'll be able to understand most, if not all, of the plot lines and make sure that everything works out in the end."

While that offer was tempting, Tohko ignored it for the moment so that she could gather up her things, rip out one of the messages in her notebook, and tape it to the base of Konoha's grave before getting up and moving the roll of tape to her wrist, like it was a bracelet.

"I'll go with you..but I'll be fine! I think I'm alright now..I just needed a good cry, that's all. I'll eat some good soup later too..I'm sure that'll help too."

Diarmuid smiles slightly at the state of her face, "If you are all done crying, I think perhaps the first stop should be someplace where you can clean up a little. Washing your face might help you feel better and it might help with the red around your eyes from crying. After that...where do you think might be the best place to put some more of these? Can you think of some places that just might get accidentally missed?"

Even though it wasn't really dignified, Tohko quickly wiped her face on her sleeve when Diarmuid mentioned the state of her face. She didn't try to clean up the snot, but any spare grim got cleaned up.

"There's a beach on the sixty-second floor, so we can leave a message there and wash up, and leave messages on the other floors as we pass them. Then..maybe we should leave a message on the mermaid floor, since I don't think many people are willing to stay there too long. And the fairy ring floor, and the room with large monsters. Do you have any places in mind?"

"That sounds as good as any plan that I had. Why don't we go with that?" Not only would it give her a chance to finish cleaning up, but it would also make sure several dangerous floors were covered with the information. He motions toward the stairwell. "Then lead the way!"

Which was what Tohko was planning for all the time, to be honest. At the motion, Tohko smiled a little and nodded at Diarmuid.

"Alright then! Let's be off!" While there was no way that Tohko could ever be faster than Diarmuid, that didn't mean she couldn't at least try to seem like it as she ran out of the room and through the stairs, looking behind her every so often to make sure that the Servant was keeping up.

Diarmuid laughs as Tohko runs off up the stairs. She's right. He could easily pass her, but instead he chose to follow just behind her letting her have her fun while making sure nothing on any of the floors hurts her. He doesn't mind losing a race for fun if it means she is smiling and feeling that much closer to her old self again.

Not that this really was a race or that it was fun..but if she was to be a leader, she had to be in the front a little bit..even if she did pause while taping things up or scribbling down a new note to catch her breath. She had really poor athletic endurance..

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A dead man's wish

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Seem like a good place to wrap up?

Looks like a good place to me!