towerofanimus | just this once, everybody lives!

It’s shocking to me, too. I thought we’d be leaving there with a few casualties, but for once, everything went mostly smoothly.

[There’s a small part of him that wonders if that’s too good to be true, but he tries not to let that overcome his hope. What’s important is that the people he cares about are okay… and Yukiko is happy.]

I feel like I didn't much help that, at least not at first. Sorry about that unintended laughing fit.

[She looks a little sheepish.]

I'm just glad everyone's going to be okay. It's - after all the times we've all walked away from a fight knowing someone died or had something else terrible happen, it's good to know that at least this once, we all made it through.

You don’t need to apologize. You were a big help to us! You did more than I managed to do, anyways.

[He couldn’t find a good time when his powers were actually helpful, and it frustrated him a little. He didn’t want to dampen Yukiko’s optimism, though.]

Yeah. I’m glad about that too. If we can all make it out of this unharmed, then maybe we’ll be able to get out of here without losing anyone.

[ She shakes her head. ]

Don't worry about that. It's not a competition about stuff like that, and it won't ever be.

[ Yukiko takes his hand, giving it a squeeze. ]

Mm. That would be fantastic.

[ She looks down at her hand for a minute. There's something she wants to say about that, but it's hard to find the words. ]

Well, then, you don’t need to worry about it either. All that matters is that you helped. Don’t compare yourself to others.

[He smiles at her response, but it’s tinged with a heartbreaking pain. He doesn’t know what to say about it, but… after a few moments, he just decides to open his mouth and allow something to tumble out.]

So… I guess we’ll have to say goodbye soon.

I know. I try not to, but old habits die hard.

[She tries to smile, but it's suddenly a whole lot more difficult. His words aren't unfamiliar or unexpected; she's been trying not to think about them, but that doesn't make them any less real.]

...I guess we will.

[Her voice cracks on the last words.]

I've been trying not to think about it, but denying reality doesn't help things...

[Ryoji didn’t want to think about them either, but the longer they waited, the more Ryoji felt the thought looming in the back of his mind, consuming everything else. He found it difficult to sleep again, lately, and when he thought about it, it was the deadline that was causing the insomnia.

He shakes his head.]

I wish you didn’t have to think about it… I’m sorry you got caught up in this. You should have found someone you wouldn’t have to say goodbye to.

[Yukiko shakes her head as she listens to Ryoji.]

Don't say that. Don't think it. I -

[She takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself a little. It doesn't work nearly as well as Yukiko would like.]

- I've never felt like I shouldn't have gotten caught up in this. If I'd denied what I felt, it would be so much worse, because it would mean having to say goodbye with unspoken words hanging there. I can't and won't lie and say that it doesn't hurt, because it does, but I still wouldn't change anything.

[Yukiko tries blinking the tears back, but there's nothing she can do to stop them.]

I… Yukiko…

[He smiles sadly, but it falters a moment later as he lets out a strangled gasp. He keeps trying to hold his own tears back as he speaks.]

I understand. I know you needed to get it out, and it means so much that you would love me, even considering where we are and what I am and what I did… and what’s going to happen. The only thing I would change is the amount of time we had…

[He chuckles softly and reaches forward to wipe her tears.]

Please don’t cry, Yukiko… I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to cry for me.

[And it hurts him to know that she still will cry, even after they leave, maybe for decades if he and Minato can’t be freed from the Seal. If only he could remove those memories of him, and make it peaceful for her.]

I couldn't leave that left unsaid. I do love you, Ryoji. I wish we had more time, too, and I feel like I should apologize for just disappearing like I did. I know that I didn't have any control over it, but it still happened.

[She takes his free hand in hers, giving it a squeeze.]

Don't apologize any more. You don't have to, and I - you shouldn't feel responsible for things that are out of your control, Ryoji. I know - believe me, I know - what it feels like to need to apologize for everything, but you don't have to.

[Yukiko manages a watery smile.]

Okay?

[Even if he could, she wouldn't want those memories removed. It might hurt, and she might cry, but the feeling of a missing piece in her memory and in her heart would be far worse.]

You shouldn’t apologize for that. I-If I can’t apologize, you can’t either, alright? Just try to calm down…

[Though he’s not the best example for that. His hands are shaking, and he shakes his head as he blinks back tears.]

I… I keep thinking about it. I thought since I already died, it would be okay. I never deserved this second chance, so there’s no point in me asking for more time…

Even so… I’m scared, Yukiko. Isn’t that silly? Death itself is afraid to die.

...Is that selfish of me?

[She takes another deep breath, nodding her head. The second she feels his hands start to shake, she catches both of them in hers, lacing their fingers together.]

There's always a point in asking for more time, and you do deserve that second chance. More than anyone.

[There's a sharpness to her voice that hadn't been there before. It almost surprises her.]

No, Ryoji. It's not selfish of you, and it's not silly, either. It's normal.

[Yukiko's voice cracks again, but she manages to breathe through it this time.]

- I don't want you to die. And I know exactly how this sounds, but I'm going to say it anyway: I want you to come back with me. I want to walk through whatever door or gate or whatever it is and know you're right there.

It's not just that. There are so many things I want to show you. There are people I want you to meet, there's all that time that we don't have here, but could have.

I know how that sounds. I know it's not nearly as simple as that, because nothing ever is.

...but you deserve that chance to be happy. That's what I want for you, more than anything.

[Ryoji keeps her hands in a death grip, biting his lip and trying to calm his trembling as she speaks.]

No… not at all. I’ve done so much wrong with the short time I’ve been allowed to live, and if I continue on… who’s to say I won’t do more?

[He sighs heavily.]

I want to go with you, Yukiko… I want that more than you do, but… you know I can’t.

If I go, you don’t know what might happen. I may awaken Nyx again, initiate the Fall… I may cause more Shadows to appear, too many for you and your friends to fend off… I don’t know what I could all do, but it’s dangerous. It’s too dangerous.

[He shakes his head.]

Besides, even if I could… I’m still dead. I don’t know if the body I have now will last in another world. There’s too many things we haven’t considered, too many dangers, and…

[He takes ones of his hands to gently caress Yukiko’s cheek.]

I can’t have you getting hurt just because I don’t want to accept my fate.

[He knows he can’t have what he wants… he should accept that, instead of getting scared and causing Yukiko to suffer.]

You aren't thinking about the things you've done right. There are so many of those, and so many more that could happen. We've all made our fair share of mistakes, but dwelling on them doesn't get anyone anywhere. They're in the past now.

The past doesn't define who you are, Ryoji. It doesn't even get close.

[She knows. She knows that there's a chance of awakening Nyx again. She knows there's a chance of bringing about the Fall. She knows there's a risk with everything.

Despite all of that, Yukiko still shakes her head. Her vision blurs a little, tears coming to her eyes again, but she blinks them back as best she can.]

There are always going to be Shadows. I know that. We didn't take all of them out, and we left an entrance to the other world open. It's a risk we knew we were taking. If you made more of them appear - and that's only an if - we'll handle it.

That's the thing, though: there's always a chance of the worst-case scenario happening. There's a chance bad things will happen, but that's only one possibility. There's every chance that they won't happen, too.

[There's no stopping those tears now. As much as she said she would try not to cry, she can't stop herself.]

I - I know there are all kinds of reasons not to come with me. I'm not denying the possibility that things won't work. But if there's even the slightest chance that things will be okay, that they'll work out...

[It's a little impulsive, but she lets go of his hand so she can pull him into her arms.]

I know that it probably doesn't seem even remotely okay to think about that. I know you're scared, and I - I can't lie and say I'm not afraid. But we can't - it's -

[She swallows hard around the lump in her throat.]

...I think that if there's even a single chance that those worst-case scenarios won't happen, you should take it. It's not about hurting me or not hurting me, it's about taking that chance and running with it as long as you can.

Compared to what I've done... the things I've done right will never make up for it. The past may not define me, but... it's marred in my memory. I want to feel like I've done enough before I can move on.

And... I just don't know if I can go with you when I don't know if it'll be a good or bad choice. I may not even have that choice, and either way, I shouldn't risk it.

[He frowns when he sees the tears, trying to wipe them away before he's pulled forward. He returns the hug. It hurts seeing her like this, especially when the one thing that could dry her eyes is the one thing he wants more than anything...and the one thing that may be impossible for him to receive. He kisses the top of her head, breathing in a scent he won't be able to smell for much longer.]

I think a single chance isn't enough. Not when it's risking the lives of so many people... As much as I wish it was possible, it just... it isn't.

[The tears slow long enough for her to look up, confused.]

...but if you're behind the Seal, I don't understand how you would 'do more'. You wouldn't have that chance, would you? And here, there's only so much time...

[She shakes her head.]

...with big decisions, it's not always clear whether they're going to be all good or all bad. Sometimes it's a little bit of both, and that's okay, as long as the good outweighs the bad. I think - no, I know it will.

[No. Of course it's enough. It's more than enough. Maybe she is being selfish, but she can't bring herself not to be, not when the alternative is what it is.]

I - I know I can't force it. That would be unfair. It would really - it would mean -

[She can't finish the thought.]

I can only do more by... choosing the option that's safe for humanity. There's nothing else that would be fair.

[He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear with a shaky hand.]

I know you don't want to force it... I want more than anything to go with you, but... I just don't know.

[He shrugs.]

Besides, we're both getting worked up about something that may not even be an option to us. We should probably just focus on getting to the point where we can make a choice before we decide on anything.

You aren't thinking about what's fair to yourself. It's okay - really okay - to have things that you want.

[She sighs, just a little.]

That's understandable. At least think about it, though?

[Yukiko might not like whatever the final decision is, but it's not hers to make. Besides, Ryoji's got a point; she's exhausted and emotional and everything seems worse because of that.]

...and it's probably not the best time to make any binding decisions. I'm exhausted, and I'm sure you are, too. That's not helping things.

I... I know it is. Thank you. I'll think about it.

[He sighs heavily and pulls her close to him.]

Yeah, we're both exhausted. Honestly, I probably need to curl up in bed and sleep for a while before I can even think about anything.

No, thank you. I - that means a lot to me.

[She settles her head on his shoulder.]

I'm surprised I haven't fallen asleep on my feet yet. It feels like I could sleep for a couple of days.

[She laughs softly, then murmurs:]

...I want to stay like this a little longer.

Hmmm...

[He seems to consider an idea, but it's likely he's had this idea for a while and is playing it up.]

Well, if we're both so tired, but we both want to stay like this... maybe we could take it up to my room so the two of us can rest together in my bed?

[Even if it is what she wants, she's going to blush.]

I was hoping you'd ask. Let's go?

Yeah, come on.

[He’s blushing too as he takes her hand and leads her back to the dormitory floor.]

Thank you.

[She's all too happy to follow. It's comforting to know she won't be alone right after that fight. They had all made it, yes, but nightmares after fights like that are all too common for her. Being with someone else helps.]

[He leads her to his room and then closes the door behind them, sweeping the sheets off of the bed so she can lay down.]

Go on. I’ll be right next to you.

just this once, everybody lives!

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