001 ♑ [first honk]

[hystericull]

Characters: OU Gamzee and you!
Setting: Room 1-02, the cafeteria, and anywhere in between!
Format: Either are entirely welcome.
Summary: A doped-up, alien clown awakens in the strangest of places - and decides that he's hungry. Seems like he's got a good handle on priorities. Oh, chocolate shenanigans are good, too, although he hasn't eaten any!
Warnings: None that I can think of, except for Gamzee's filthy mouth.


Room 1-02:
[Sometimes a body just doesn't want to get its motherfuckin' move on. That's cool, though. Whatever it feels like doing, or not doing, is all chill with him. It's not like he wouldn't be laying here motionless anyway. This sure was an uncomfortable way to wake up. The immobility didn't bother him as much as the hard, flat surface he'd been placed upon. It certainly wasn't a recuperacoon - a conclusion he'd only come to because of the depressing lack of sopor slime. It also wasn't his horn pile, which he'd become accustomed to sleeping in while in the Veil. Oh, well! Better not to dwell on such trivial things, and get back at enjoying this wicked nothingness. The crazy feel of paralysis was gone, however, and Gamzee Makara regained his motor skills.

After lamenting the loss of that dope not-moving shit, he rolled not-so-gracefully off of the bed, smacking his large horns on the nightstand and landing with a "thud" on the floor. He'd managed to knock some sheets of paper off of the nightstand on his way down.

Oh. They were letters.

Well, he'd already known Alternia had been destroyed, but he was thankful for whoever wrote the letter to have saved him! And everyone being happy sounded like a fucking awesome time! He wanted to meet the author of this letter - they sounded pretty motherfucking chill.

What wasn't chill was this super-tight jumpsuit he'd been placed in. Who even gets up in a brother's bubble like that? Not that it was a huge deal. He was pretty okay with sharing his personal space, really. He crawled over to the trunk the letter had mentioned, and beamed excitedly when he saw what was inside. Among his usual clothes, which he quickly donned, he proceeded to overturn the chest, spilling bike horns, juggling clubs, and slime all over the floor. This was starting to feel more familiar already!

Eating the slime was not something he probably should have done, but who in their right mind would take an oatmeal-only rule seriously? Better yet, who not in their right mind would even notice that there was an oatmeal-only rule?

Uh-oh. The ol' nutrition sack wasn't feeling too well. In a fit of desperation, he scrambled out of the room and down the hallway.]

Cafeteria:
[After getting situated in his room and having had quite the terrible feeling in his stomach, Gamzee had somehow found his way to the cafeteria. It had taken a while, and he'd ended up going in circles, going into other people's rooms, going back into his own room, and generally unintentionally avoiding the place he'd been searching for.

He didn't really notice the bowl of oatmeal before him, and didn't remember how it got there, for that matter. What was this stuff? It was runny, sloppy, and slid over the edges of its bowl when he wobbled it from side to side (which he was doing quite enthusiastically). It reminded him of a discolored sopor pie... kind of. Hopefully it wouldn't make his digestive sack feel like a bag of angry bees like the pie had, however. He frowned at the thought, momentarily pausing his bowl-spinning game to dip and swirl a few fingers around in the stuff cautiously. The table was full of oatmeal, as were his fingers, now. He was generally making a mess, all while wearing a stupid grin.]

Comments

[hystericull]

[He likes to babble on regardless of the other person actually listening to him or not, forgive him! Or not!]

A mother...'s... mo... uhhhh...?

[Okay, you lost him. It's a miracle he even remembered the word "mother" from that explanation. He'll just stare like a dope until he finally realizes his horns are being addressed again.]

Oh, uhh, not that I fuckin' be knowing of? You be all weird-lookin' yourself, motherfucker. You like a fuckin' pink fairy or somethin'?

[cantstopme]

No, I'm not a fairy. A lot of people think I'm one, though.

[He doesn't really correct Tingle when he calls him Mr. Fairy though, so he won't really care if Gamzee keeps calling him one.]

Well... What are you if you're not a monster?

[hystericull]

A-uhhh...

[He ponders this for a moment, before finally giving the most logical answer??? Why did it take that long, Gamzee, really???}

This motherfuckers a troll. Ain't you ever got your fuckin' see on of a troll before, li'l fairy dude?

[cantstopme]

Nuh-uh. I've only heard of trolls in fairytales, and they were always monsters.

[hystericull]

Oh, uhh, well, we was supposed to be motherfuckin' getting our harass on of them other pinky dudes, but I wasn't much fuckin' good at it, I think... That's about the last time this motherfucker tried bein' all wicked nasty.

I ain't no monster, though, for fuckin' sure! I'm chill as what's can be, little dude. You seem pretty dope, too! How's a fairy dude even come to be at this motherfuckin' place, anyway?

[Oh right, they were in this weird tower. He'd almost forgotten. ...No, no, he had completely forgotten.]

[cantstopme]

I think I came here the same way you did. Unless, um... unless you've always lived here.

You know, you talk really funny. Do all trolls talk like that?

[So many words he doesn't know. 8I]

[hystericull]

[Poor little Link hrghhh covers his ears!!!]

Shit, no, bro, I just fuckin' rolled my shit outta that crazy white-sheeted flufftable tonight! I ain't got no fuckin' clue where we is.

Uhh, what you mean, brother? Sure I get fuckin' sassed at for slammin' the wicked noise these kinds of ways, but a motherfucker gotta be spewin' that shit the way it all feels good to spew, you feel me, Pinky?

[He smiles and rests a cheek in his hand, smudging white clown paint and oatmeal all over one side of his face.]

[cantstopme]

[His ears are too big to be covered though!!]

No, I mean you use a lot of words I've never heard before. Are they troll words?

It gets kind of hard to understand.

[... :T Don't mind if he wipes that up, Gamzee. It's just. Gross.]

[hystericull]

Oh, uhh, I think we be speaking the same fuckin' language! ...Maybe? All words comin' from this brother's chute be motherfuckin' troll words, my brother! You gonna have to be getting your specification on a little more.

[He blinks awkwardly as Link wipes at his face, a patch of troll-skin grey now peeking out where the painted, oatmeal-y mess once was.]

[cantstopme]

Um, the words like "fuckin". You say them a lot, and I've never even read them in books before!

You say stuff like that a lot, and I don't know what it means at all.

[So it's really confusing, gosh. 8(]

[hystericull]

[NO LINK STOP YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO BE SAYING THAT!! Well, Gamzee's only four years older than you. You boys need some soapy mouths, pronto. Sheesh!]

Ohh! Them be motherfuckin' magical words, bro! It's like, if you wanna be gettin' your wicked noise on at a brother, and you want that motherfucker to know what you be feeling all in your bloodpusher, you use those miracles to fuckin' punctuate those feels, dogg! So, that's what they be. Little fuckin' miracles, bro.

[He stops, considering.]

But uh, if you don't all like them much, I can be fuckin'... er, I can be gettin' my tone down on of them for sure! Anything what makes a little pink bro be able to kick his shit more easier!

[cantstopme]

[TOO LATE HE NOW KNOWS THEM AS MAGIC WORDS.]

Oh, no, it's okay; you can say whatever you want to say! It would be rude if I said you couldn't.

But if they're magic, that means they're good, right?

[hystericull]

[OH GOD GAMZEE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THIS POOR BOY.]

Fuck yeah they're good, brother! Them magical miracle noises only be at what's rivaled by the honkin' of horns and fizzing of a all freshly-snapped bottle of Faygo!

[Okay, he's getting too excited!!!]

You know what I mean, li'l dude? Hey hey, you all got a name or somethin'?

[cantstopme]

Mhm! My name is Link! But you can, um... You can call me anything you fuckin' want!

[Did he do it right, Gamzee? :D]

[hystericull]

[OH MY GOD ALSKDJFALKS AHAHAHA LINK NO STOP PRECIOUS BABY. YOU DID IT WONDERFULLY RIGHT.]

Hey yeah that name's the motherfuckin' tits! Nice to be all makin' your fuckin' acquaintance, for real, Linkbro!

[YOU GOT HIM ALL RILED UP LOOK NOW THEY'RE BOTH RILED UP.]

Where your little ass be all up and plucked from, then? That is to say, where did you fuckin' get your slam on before wakin' up all white-suited and frozen here?

[cantstopme]

[LINK WILL NEVER STOP until he cusses around Zelda.]

It's, um, really fuckin' nice to meet you too!

I'm from a place called the Great Sea. It's a big, wide space filled with water, but I lived on a really nice fuckin' island!

[That's... yeah the only word he's heard correct enough to say by now.]

By the way, what does "tits" mean? Is that another magic word?

[hystericull]

[His eyes light up at the mention of the Great Sea. Hey, something in common! Look what you can find out about a brother when the conversation strays from profanity and oatmeal! ...Not that those aren't awesome topics, anyway!!!]

Aww, no motherfuckin' way, Linkbro! The old hive back home used to all get its wicked plop down right on the fuckin' beach! Wasn't no motherfuckin' island, but it sure as a fuckin' miracle got the sand and the sea!

Oh, uhhh, tits be them lumpy chest protection sacs! Only the sisters got them, though, not motherfuckin' sure why about that... They be like a brother's ass, only on his chest! That shit be fuckin' crazy, bro!

[Gamzee... Gamzee oh my god...]

[cantstopme]

[WHOAH HE'S TALKING ABOUT THOSE okay, now Link is blushing and moving far away from the talk of women's chest protectors.]

U-um...

The sea's really neat, huh? I had a boat, back home! I sailed all over the sea with it, and even fought sea monsters!

[hystericull]

[He beamed excitedly, listening to Link tell his stories! Travelling the sea, wow! This kid had so many adventures under his belt for being so young!]

Whoaaa shit, bro! You be all havin' the greatest fuckin' courage to be gettin' your travel on over the motherfuckin' sea like what's you're all telling at me!

[A pause.]

Auhhh... what kind of monsters...?

[LINK HIS DAD WAS A SEA MONSTER TRY TO BE MORE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE!!!!!]

[cantstopme]

Well, lots of big octos and giant gyorgs, and sometimes a kangaroc or a seahat will fly down and attack!

[A pause to think, of course...]

I don't know what kind of monster fires the canons on the submarines, though. I think they're bokoblins.

[And then Link probably lost Gamzee in translation.]

[hystericull]

[WOW barrage of confusing words from the other end, now! He'll just get a more and more confused look on his face with every monster mentioned. No sea goats in there, so it's all good!]

I ain't never heard of any of those wicked motherfuckers! They be real tough bitches to all get your strife on with?

[cantstopme]

Oh, yeah! Big octos are a hundred times bigger than a boat and um, really fuckin' hard to fight! You have to throw lots of bombs at them!

And gyorgs are big fish with metal like faces that ram into your boat and try to eat you - I think they're as big as boats!

And seahats are... well, they're like peahats, but they look like big fish instead. They fly around and go brrrrmmmmmmm and ram into your boat and try to get you far away so you drown!

[That was complete with a helicopter-like impression of a seahat, of course.]

[hystericull]

[LINK WAS THE BEST STORYTELLER OH MY GOD!? For being a few years older than him, Gamzee sat there, entranced by his anecdotes like a little child. He would make surprised faces, frightened faces, and gripped the edge of the table as he revealed more events!]

Wowww! Motherfuck, Linkbro! You got wicked stories all flowin' from your chute like the most mirthful of fuckin' laughsassins ever to be faring that ferocious ocean!

How's a little pink bro like yourself not get swallowed up out there? My lusus always got his harsh on somethin' fierce about never goin' in that shit.

[He'll just chinhands some more at you, Link!]

[cantstopme]

The King of Red Lions helps me! He's my friend, and my boat; and I've also got a lot of weapons to keep myself safe!

[Bro, that ain't even the start of his stories okay; ask for one and ye shall receive even better ones from the ~master storyteller~.]

I could show you, but I kept all of my weapons in my trunk in my room...

[hystericull]

Whoaaa, a boat, and a motherfuckin' bro, too? I gotta get my fuckin' lookstubs on that shit! You got that motherfucker here with you?

[Oh my god you have a willing ear for life, Link!]

Yeah, I got my clubs up there, too. Kinda motherfuckin' dangerous to be all getting your wander on without some fuckin' protection, but a brother fuckin' scrambled out a little fast-like. This place don't seem so motherfuckin' dangeous, though, maybe...