Glamour Failure

[animusmods]

Characters: any
Setting: all around the Tower
Format: any/party-style
Summary: A general mingle log for the reaction to the beginning of the Idealism event.
Warnings: PG-13; please include any more detailed warnings in your threads if necessary

Comments

[pushedaround]

[ He allowed Gamzee to pull him up, but he won't take it any further. He held his ground, tugging back and finally breaking free from Gamzee's grasp. It wasn't a dramatic act of resistance or anything, he just ... didn't feel like going. Simple as that. ]

Gam. I can't do this. Not today, okay?

[ He really loved how driven and motivated Gamzee can be at certain situation, mainly the ones that required that sort of reaction, but Tavros couldn't keep up with him. It was shameful and fucking weak, but he didn't even care at this point. ]

I'm really sorry, my brother. I just ... can't.

[hystericull]

[It was a moment before Gamzee had realized Tavros had pulled himself from his grip. He was looking ahead and scouting down the halls and generally just lost in his own mind, like he was most of the time anyway. The hand that was previously gripping the boy's wrist grabbed at the air a few times in vain, and Gamzee finally had to stop what he was doing to turn his head in a bit of mixed irritation and confusion.]

[Tavros had backed away from him. The first words out of his mouth were going to be "What the fuck are you doing!?", but Tavros was able to speak before him, and thus, shut him up quite quickly.]

[There was a pause before Gamzee dropped the arm that was still reaching out for the boy, and his shoulders followed suit. He breathed the tension out of his body in a deep exhale, looking the brownblood (or what used to be the brownblood) over.]

[Tavros and he had always been on the same wavelength, most of the time. They were pretty easy-going, fun-loving boys who bounced jokes and rhymes off of each other all of the time. They'd both changed a lot, and while they grew a little bit in different directions, deep down, they still had those childish, symmetrical components. Tavros had always been a little more reserved, a little more logical. He wasn't weak by any means... just careful. Cautious, and careful, and he put a lot of thought into self-preservation. It's why Gamzee worried about him so. With all of this faffing about, concealing himself and shielding himself, he was never going to actually get himself out of harm's way.]

[But, Gamzee had to give in. He couldn't push Tavros when the boy was actually putting his foot down. Gamzee was controlling, and pushy, and quite dominant when he wanted to be, but he still loved him, and right now, he could spare the time to do things Tavros' way.]

You motherfuckin' can, brother.

[He sighed again, moving closer to Tavros' wire frame and clinking his arms around those broad shoulders.]

'Cause all I'm gonna fuckin' being to do it with you, you know?

[He pressed their filmy foreheads together, the glow of his microchip against the dull metal of Tavros' wire.]

Hang all yourself up and on to me, bro. I won't let motherfucking nothing hurt you.

We can all be fuckin' staying here for a little bit, if you want.

[pushedaround]

No. No, I can't. Not anymore, Gamzee.

[ It was rather difficult to explain himself, and he hoped by reflecting some calm and composure, he would send his message across without any arguments. Truth is, he's not reacting out of impulse, or raging emotions. He had his moment to go through all of this, and then it was followed by silence and lots of consideration. He studied his options here, and ever so selfishly, he had to react to his own interest. He had to give up if he wanted to keep his sanity in this place. He didn't see any other way.

He guides his hands up Gamzee's back, bringing their bodies closer. His breathing was uneven and a bit rough, but otherwise Tavros didn't show any other signs of distress. ]

You have a plan, I'm guessing? Or maybe you don't. But, I know you have the urge to do something about this situation, and I love this quality in you.

I love the fact that nothing can break you ...

[ He shifts with his feet, hunching over a bit so he can pull Gamzee against his chest, wrapping his arms around his slim figure. It was a strong and a continues embrace, and he never once eased his hold. ]

Stay with me for a few minutes, and then you can do whatever you want. I won't stop you, okay? But, for now, stay.

[hystericull]

[Since he first went completely sober, Gamzee had had a problem sitting still. He used to be able to stay in the same position for hours on end, thinking about nothing and not even noticing the extreme lapse of time. Now, however, sitting idly meant dwelling, and dwelling meant fretting, and fretting was so unpleasant to him that he had to keep moving, keep looking forward. Only certain times did he feel a need to sit and ponder, and that was more to process, rather than reflect. He took breaks on his own time, and when something so monumental was taking place was definitely not a time he would have chosen to take a fucking break.]

[However... he was tired. And he sort of expected this reaction from Tavros as soon as he set out to find him. Admitting there was nothing to do now would be giving in, if only a little, to the thought that they were helpless and unsaveable. He didn't want to be worthless, or helpless. He'd stay, but he couldn't stay without making his point heard.]

I ain't got no fuckin' plan in my nug. Ain't much never be having one, really.

[Small body movements were lost in this state, so it would probably be hard to tell that Gamzee enjoyed the physical affection very much, because he didn't really show it outwardly. His body shrunk into Tavros' hold minutely, but that was the only difference.]

Mostly that... if you ain't motherfucking moving, you're motherfucking dead, is what I all feel in my god damn bones. Or, what the fuck ever hell's mirth be fuckin' makin' us up of at the wicked moment.

[He laughed dryly.]

Sittin' around waitin' on something to motherfuckin' come in and save you ain't gonna get you nothin' but a whole lot of wasted mother fucking time.

[He chuckled as he spat those words out.]

But, sittin' and waitin' for nothing don't seem so motherfuckin' bad when I all think of doin' it with you.

[pushedaround]

[ Tavros didn't know what to say. A part of him wanted to be honest with Gamzee and give him a good taste of their reality. There is no fucking point in doing anything in this place, and while he enjoyed pretending he had some little power to make a difference around here, it was time to fucking wake up.

Another reality to keep in mind: He loves this troll so much. He couldn't bring himself to be this negative when Gamzee is trying so hard to make the best out of this situation. ]

It's not a waste of time, my brother. It's taking a moment to catch your breath, that's all. I need-

I just need to catch my breath.

[ He keeps his head low, pressing his face against the curve of Gamzee's neck, his arms move desperately for a better hold around his matesprit. ]

I'm just tired of all of this, Gamzee. I want to go home. I miss home. I miss us. I miss my hive, my games, my friends. I miss everyone ...

[ He shakes his head and cursed under his breath. He takes a few seconds to accumulate his thoughts before speaking. ]

What I'm trying to say is-- I'm scared. But, that's not your burden. I just want to selfishly enjoy my matesprit a little longer before I can let go.

[hystericull]

[It made him angry to hear that Tavros wanted to go home. Actually, it didn't make him angry, it made him anxious and fretful, which then equated into anger, because he couldn't seem to deal with any other negative emotion anymore. His brow furrowed in irritation, and his wire jaw set uncomfortably, but he didn't make any other indication of his displeasure.]

[Instead, his hand ran up and down along the filmy, metal spine on Tavros' back - an attempt to comfort the boy holding onto him. Truthfully, Gamzee didn't share his sentiments. He didn't give a shit if he went back. He had nothing to return to. If he did get sent back, back to exactly where he came from like none of this had ever happened, he would go crazy. Not that he already wasn't. He couldn't go from being trapped in a sprawling tower to being trapped on a fucking meteor waiting to die for real. He'd leave his relationships here behind to return to ones that meant absolutely nothing to him back home.]

[Abandoning this train of thought, Gamzee focused on trying to comfort Tavros instead of himself. For once, the person before him held more importance to him than he did.]

It'll damn well be my fuckin' burden if all I motherfuckin' want at it to be.

[He rested his cheek against the side of Tavros' head, just above the boy's horn.]

It be my wicked job to all be makin' fuckin' sure that what you ain't all having the scaredsies up in you, motherfucker. Any fucking thing what your pump biscuit be wanting on be what all I'm gonna be doing for you.

Be fuckin' deader all than a motherfuckin' mirthful doornail before I all give up on findin' you a way home safe, brother.