Glamour Failure

[animusmods]

Characters: any
Setting: all around the Tower
Format: any/party-style
Summary: A general mingle log for the reaction to the beginning of the Idealism event.
Warnings: PG-13; please include any more detailed warnings in your threads if necessary

Comments

[open; warnings for death talk - tags in the AM]

[cullscuttlefish]

[...so there really isn't anything. Feferi slumps against a metal wall, wireframe body folding in on itself.

She'd been fooling herself, thinking that there would be something real - something that wasn't just her soul - behind all the bullshit. Behind all the fighting, behind all of those fake deaths. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

She couldn't even get mad at her favorite target anymore. He was playing with shapes, playing with abstracts.

...she's never wanted to go home before now. Death is all that's awaited her. She didn't want to be a blip, someone who could affect nothing, be nothing.

In the end, though, Feferi thinks, that's all she is, isn't she?]

[true_noir]

Liberating, isn't it?

[Of course, other than the color of the fluid that ran through her body and the vaguely 'Chloe-esque' look of her body, the only really clearly identifiable 'Chloe' thing about her was the voice that slipped from her when she seated herself. She didn't know for sure which one this was collapsing like this.

She giggled. It was half-mad, twisted and definitely 'free' sound.]

We really are puppets for them to play with, to trust the spirits they have captured into and then break at their whim.

What will we find in the graveyard, do you think?

[cullscuttlefish]

[Feferi's responding laugh is closer to a sob.]

I wonder if it would be better if I had never been brought here at all. Never been given the chance to be a leader, play at being some kind Empress.

They did it to remind me what I can never be.

I don't want to know what's in there.

[true_noir]

Is that truly better or worse? [she snickered and looked out at the halls outside, shaking her head.]

It's all a game to them. Surely you knew that already. It's just a question of what you think it takes to win the game, how much you let them control you through those little games of theirs.

[cullscuttlefish]

I came from playing a fucking game.

[Feferi's voice suddenly turns deadly serious.]

Do you know how many people I killed in the course of that game? Not by my own hands, but by my own willingness to go along with it? The number is in the millions.

Wanting to be better than that and wanting to change shit is not a fucking game to me. They let me play at it because they wanted to see exactly how much I'd break when I learned the truth afterwards.

There's literally nothing. That was what was real. I'm not going to dance the nihilism tango right now. There's not a fucking floor to dance it on.

I'm ready to face the music, at home, where it's stupid but at least it's honest jealousy that gets me killed for real.

[turntechtrainer]

[He finds someone sitting down, folded up like they just wanted to sit for a while. Dave can't leave it alone. By now, he's covered in dirt with the only clean patch left the broken disc shape on his chest. It's a way to claim his identity. He's damn well going to drive down that flag and say he is who he is.]

Yeah I'd sit down in this situation too.

[He's too tall to be the Dave she knows, is friends with. But he still stands there, waiting to see if she'll say anything or might need someone to talk to.]

[cullscuttlefish]

[She looks up - different Dave, but that broken disc is one she'd know anywhere.]

...yeah. It's just...you always want to hope that there's something better. That there are pieces you can pick up and build something from.

In the end, though, I'm just...

[She holds up her hand and looks through it. What else does she need to say?]

[turntechtrainer]

[He sinks down, crouching before her, and sighs. Dave hadn't hoped for something better in quite a while. He lived in the moment, because thinking of the future made it easier to kill everyone with a mis-step. Better was living long enough to lay down for a moment to sleep. Better was his friends safe and sound.

They were things he made with his own two hands. His expression is stoic partly because he can't do much else. Partly because he wasn't wired in a way to handle a situation like this in any other way.]

You're just you. The bag isn't what makes the person. [He points to the soul swirling in little circles.] It's that.

The rest is just making the way, I guess. I don't really think about it too hard. I do what feels natural. Part of working with time, I guess. You can still move, still keep fighting if you want to.

They can take everything else, but that? That they just can't take from you. They can alter you for a time. But it never lasts.


If that helps any. [It's all he knows to say. Keep fighting. Even if the road is soaked in your own blood, it's your road.]

Re: [open; warnings for death talk - tags in the AM]

[terreifying]

Feferi?

[Rei walks up to the crouching figure. She's actually a little glad that trolls looked so distinctive. It makes it easier for her to find her friends.]

[cullscuttlefish]

Rei?

[Feferi looks up, recognizing the voice. She has to ask, though.]

[terreifying]

Yeah. Me.

[She kneels down and does her best to offer a reassuring smile. She can feel her cheeks and mouth moving, but it won't show on her now flattened face.]

placeholder

[yougotthatwrong]

[...he didn't notice someone had been sitting there, considering his panic had been almost blinding him to a point that the revelation had been ignored in order to check up on everyone, and well, when you're tired your recognition system kinda fails in that regard.

That would be why Naegi is a bit surprised at seeing a figure sitting right next to him seconds after he sat down himself.]

...Er, hello?

let me know if you want me to delete this

[cullscuttlefish]

[It startles Feferi just a little, seeing a figure sitting right next to her, but she manages to pull her composure together enough to not jump up right away.]

H-hi...you look like you got pretty shaken up, too. I mean, I think it's like playing with a goldfish only to find it's got shark teeth in its mouth...

don't it's beautiful

[yougotthatwrong]

A-are you sure it's not like waking up to find that dragons eat grass and lamb eats dragons?

[....there's only one respond to make when you're faced with that kind of comparison; and it's better than crying about it.]

[hystericull]

[One of the many favorable things about being a troll was the distinct silhouette of their horns. This made finding ones of his own kind incredibly easy for Gamzee, and he was simultaneously surprised and unsurprised to see this pair of horns shrinking down against a wall.]

[He's pretty easy to recognize, even as a blue-filled, wirey thing. The frame that contains Gamzee's soul tips its 'head' in Feferi's direction before lowering its whole body to her level.]

Now's all the time when you're motherfuckin' deciding on to be giving the motherfuck up? Huh?

[cullscuttlefish]

[Feferi tilts her head up at Gamzee. Not now, she starts to think, but then she stops. No. That's not right. That's not right at all.]

...we fucking changed places.

[And she starts to laugh - no. Not laugh. It's laughter and it's tears, both, only the latter are unrecognizable because of the film.]

No. Now's when I'm sitting here thinking 'this is beyond fucked."

[hystericull]

Lotta good thinkin' that be all up and motherfuckin' getting you.

[If he had eyes, he'd be rolling them.]

Let's just fuckin' park our damn selves here an' shove our motherfucking thumbs up our nooks, huh? Solve everything, sittin' like that, probably.

[His voice wears thin, and he laughs along with her, though his isn't nearly as desperate or broken.]

Ain't everything all what's been leadin' up to this been just as motherfuckin' fucked? What all makes this blasphemous noise so much motherfuckin' specialer, princess?

[pitiedthefool]

[While wandering the tower, searching for his friends, he's seen so many people - wired shapes of those he's seen around the tower, static silhouettes of who they'd always been - either panicking or crumbling. There is little he can do but try and offer something stable to those who'd listen as he passes by.

But this time he stops, because those 'horns' and fin-like film and color...]

Are you alright?

[The blue-colored figure bends down, film shaped like a bus stop sign and a sword lightly brushing against the floor.]

[cullscuttlefish]

[Feferi looks up at Yu, and she pauses for just a minute.]

...no. But I will be. I was thinking about how easy it would be to say 'send me home' right now, where I know how the story ends for me. It's not a happy ending and it's not an ending I ever thought I would want. For just a minute, though, it was tempting. It was tempting to say 'I'm done, let me go back to where I know my story will end for good.'

But that's not what I want. I don't really want my story to end yet, and I don't think now is really the time. It might happen, in the future, and when it's the time, I think I'll know. I just - I think what I got stuck on is that I always wanted to change the world. Make it better. That's what living under a tyrant who you were expected to succeed one day does to you; you either emulate her or decide to do something entirely different.

I've seen both ways now, and I think what the problem I had in my head was is that I thought, for a minute, that there wasn't any way to do that something different.

[And she stands up, brushes herself off - not that there's anything to really brush off - and smiles.]

But that's not true. I made the choice a long time ago to keep fighting.

[knightime]

[You may be getting a certain time kid sitting down next to you.

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes. It's hard to form words in this situation.]

We got played pretty damn well. Huh. You think shit will look up at some point the longer you trudge through this shit but a new curve ball gets thrown your way.

[cullscuttlefish]

We did. We really did.

But you know...I thought about it. I thought about saying 'send me home, I'm done. I know where my story ends and I'm ready to just let that be that.'

First time I've ever been at that point.

But it's not the time. I said a long time ago that I didn't want to just give up. I didn't want that to be the end. And it's not. It's not gonna be.

We might be hip-deep in the shit, and it might not get better just yet, but I don't think it's really time to lay down the cards and die yet.

[knightime]

We've gotten this far, right?

[He can understand what she means. His story isn't even done back...back at home. If you can call that home. It's still pretty weird to think that being sent back isn't really being sent back to a place he can really call him. It just means he has to finish that game.]

I think we owe ourselves seeing this till the end.

But it's okay to at least take a breather. Kind of gather ourselves up so we can actually make it to that end.

[cutestprogrammer]

[After somewhat calming down, Chihiro has grown rather curious about their new (?) surroundings. So everything was a sort of virtual reality then? What was this archived? How was it possible? He sets about examining everything. He so busy studying the wall that he doesn't even notice Feferi and bumps into her. He immediately steps back and bows in apology.]

Ah!! I'm sorry!

[cullscuttlefish]

[She starts just a little, then gradually gets her composure.]

It's all right! Are you okay? I mean...as okay as anyone can be, given the situation...

[cutestprogrammer]

[He bows a few more times.]

I'm fine! I hope I didn't hurt you!

[Her voice does sound kind of familiar though...]

Are you Feferi-san...?